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Needed A Peaceful Life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by appaponnu, Sep 24, 2016.

  1. appaponnu

    appaponnu New IL'ite

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    Dear friends, I have signed into this forum hoping to get solution to my troubled life. mine is love marriage married against parents wishes but problems solved in few years n all went on happily. had a jewel a charming girl to add to our bond. life was all fine. moved to Kuwait to earn fortune as he got a good opportunity n I decided to stay at home n spent more time with my jewel. Life was a blessing until we decided to put our jewel in India for her higher secondary school. I also moved with her n stayed with my parents. she studied in India for 3 years n in the meantime my father was also sick. I was also taking care of him. managing a tantrum throwing teenager due to her settling down problems n taking care of terminally ill father was a big challenge for me. husband 's support was tremendous. he used to call thrice a day n give lot of moral support. in the meanwhile he was managing all alone with some assistance from a maid. God knows what happened in that 3 year period. daughter completed n joined college n expressed her desire to stay in hostel. a month after she went to hostel my father passed away. after a month had gone I decided to move back to my husband . I came back n found my husband to be a totally different person. not showing interest in anything n was just moving away from me. did show any sort of happiness that I was back with him. I cudn't make out the reasons for his behaviour started digging into everything seriously worried. found the face book downloads of a female who is his colleague for whom he had got the job. I got so wild n confronted him for which he just said she is a family woman don't talk bad about her. doubting his behaviour I send those photographs to his colleague n wrote a mail "Hello, however close the friendship may be I don't understand the reason to take photo, download photos from Facebook n WhatsApp n forward to the desktop in office to keep safely so that others cannot view that. However close the friendship may be why other person's wife should be called angel when it is not her name.

    I don't know if your concurrence is there for all this. If so I don't have anything to say. Otherwise I wanted u to be aware of the persons around u.

    As I didn't want such things to happen, I avoided your friendship at the first place. I didn't/don't have anything against u.

    My 22 years of courtship and all the love n sacrifices sound meaningless. U r also mother of 2 children n hope u will understand the pain.

    Please understand the other person's pain n anxiety n avoid this friendship from now on. He might have got u the job. It is not required to show your gratitude by allowing such things." for this she replied "These were my profile pics on facebook accessible by anyone. I’m shocked if it is taking a wrong turn. Yes, I’m grateful for him getting me a job and I always looked at him as my well-wisher but not anything more. I value family bonds and I can understand your pain. Thanks for letting me know this. I have no such intention and I promise that I will be cautious this does not happen again to the best of my knowledge". so I understood that she didn't have any different intentions.

    we didn't have any physical relationship since 2010 n I had completely not given a thought abt it due to other preoccupations. so I started feeling bad that I had deprived him. but he was just refusing to have any physical relationship n told that he had problems, lost interest n crossed that stage n so many reasons. but I asked him then why you're showing interest in other females he just keeps silent n doesn't answer. 2 years have passed now even now just to avoid talking or discussing any issues he either goes off to sleep or gets too engrossed in movies. had lot of confrontations during these 2 years. everytime he says i love u so much n i will not leave u at any cost. if i die u have to do funeral or if u die i have to do etc. n there is nobody in his life other than me. but my trust has not regained. I keep checking his mobile n emails. every 3 months once I find her number saved in some other name n I keep deleting it. I don't know if he is really sincere to me why he has to save her number again n again. thank God I got a job now n I have some peace when I am out of home. but lot of emptiness surrounds me when I am back home. will I ever regain my lost love?
     
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  2. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    op long distance does take toll on relationships.
    Stop asking him offensive questions If you do not have any solid evidence against him.
    There is possibility that even though there is no third person involve intimacy just died because of long distance.
    You both need to do things couple do to get bond.ie make each other happy by just being with each other.

    Start from scratch.Cook him special dishes.Go out with him for shopping ,morning,night walks holding hands.
    Take interest in activities he likes.If he likes watching movies bring romantic movies and watch with him on lazy sunday noon.

    Slowly just built relationship once again instead demanding it.
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...looks like you both grew apart a little during those three years.
    As for that woman,it looks like he has developed some kind of crush on her. Nothing serous because it does not look like they have any plans on doing anything about it.It looks more like a one sided crush from his side and gratitude from her side.

    There is not much you can do about a crush except let it run it's course.Don't nag him...even if you keep an eye on his fb and mobile. The more you nag...the more interesting the crush becomes .Think of it like he has a crush on some actress .

    Try to get some spark back into your life. Relive the good times of your married life.
    Tell him you miss the old times and want them back.If he says he has lost interest and crossed that sage...tell him you disagree.Tell him you are still as interested and don't feel the time has crossed.

    Op...get him to realize that now you both have each other all to each other.
    may be you could renew your wedding vows or have something similar for your wedding anniversary. You could get your daughter involved in this too.
     
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  4. appaponnu

    appaponnu New IL'ite

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    Thank you lama good girl. I will definitely try your suggestions
     
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  5. appaponnu

    appaponnu New IL'ite

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    Thank you yellow mango. good suggestions. Shall try
     
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