Need your suggestions about my friend's 10yr old daughter's behaviour

neni · Nov 12, 2012

Hi,

This is about my friend's daughter. My friend and her husband are working and their FIL and a made will be at home. My friend has 10 yr old and 6 yr old daughters. They will return from school around 4pm and have their snacks
and leave for tution. By the time they return home their parents will be at home.

Elder one has few friends in that colony more or less all are same age group of boys. She used to play with them during her holidays.
One day my friend noticed that her 10 yrs old daughter browsing adult sites in the net. Generally she has a habit of playing games on net under their parents presence.
She immediately asked her to close that and requested her to tell the reason behind that. But that kid didn't share any thing.

Could you please let me know how she can handle this situation.

Eraser · Nov 12, 2012

Can't blame the kid fully as in cheap not-so-popular game sites, such promos appear and she could've clicked accidently.

If its not an accidental click, even then never make it a big scene and make her feel bad - because already Loneliness +curiosity + free time could have resulted in this.
1. Put her in some activity class of her choice.
2. Parents need to spend more time and engage with kid to understand how her day was everyday if possible.
3. Monitor her friends in play area in not so obvious way
4. Make visits to school and ensure she is comfortable.
5. Install activity tracker in system, review the sites visited and provide feedback in a subtle way.

vjbunny · Nov 12, 2012

Hi Neni
I agree with Eraser... The kid is nearing puberty age and its advisable that parents need to watch her subtlely... And being harsh and scolding will only worsen the situation...

neni · Nov 14, 2012

Thanks for your posts. Will be going to share the same with my friend.

IndhuRamesh · Nov 14, 2012

I agree with eraser.. It needs to be handled very cautiously as this is a sensitive problem.. If she is not talking about this to her mother then ask her to seek professional guidance.

sunil087 · Jan 1, 2013

This is a very delicate situation. As a parent its their duty to monitor and keep your child away from bad exposures.

As per your post she is a small kid in which there are high chances of unintentional exposure due to some ad links. Hence do not get angry or showing some neglecting behavior towards your daughter.

I seriously doubt that the root cause of this issue is her tuition classes. Have a careful analysis on her tuition teacher and also speak with other tuition kids about what all they do in tuition apart from academic works.

Be completely normal and increase the level of affection towards her. Spend more time with her and speak a lot with her apart from academics. Establish a connection such that she gets happiness,confidence and safety when she interacts with you.

On the other hand ... yes nowadays youngsters do get exposed to those stuffs at a very earlier stage in their life. I happened to witness it personally some 4 yrs back. I was about to give my certification exam for having a grip on my professional career. As the person in that exam center told me to wait for 1 hr more I need to go and find a place to relax myself. Luckily nearby there was a jogging park. There I saw a small girl (mostly she will be of 5 or 6 th std) who brought small kids of around 2nd std range to that park to play. After sometime one boy of same age of that girl came. Initially they were speaking something. I thought its the usual kids talk but to my surprise they started to do lip kiss. I got shocked on that. But I still wonder how come they knew these stuffs at a very young age.

Its all because of many factors..

1. Both parents are working and not spending enough time with their kids.

2. Giving much freedom and not monitoring their activities.

3. Not keeping a tab on their friends and their surroundings. This is a most important thing to be taken care of. All the bad behaviors come as a result of bad companionship only.

4. Being too harsh on them without caring which itself makes them to maintain distance from their parents.

5. Trusting third person to take care of your children. This again is a very dangerous decision which needs to be avoided at any cost for your kid's safety.

6. Always keep your kids in your eyesight range when they play with their friends. Never let them to go to some far off places especially girl babies.

All of our babies are good only. Its just the environment situations and our way of bringing them up makes them to go this way.

There is always a very thin line between good and bad when kids/babies comes into picture. Its only up to us to understand their fragile mentality as they don't even know whether its good or bad and others will take advantage of them for this reason. Teach them about sex education. Make them aware of the difference between good touch and bad touch. Establish a good communication and comfort level with them. Most of the kids dont even know how to explain what happened to them. Its only parents who need to understand their mood and behavior and provide adequate care. They will open up their minds only if they like you the most than anyone else in this world.

Give them tonnes of affection and personal care in spite of whatever your hectic schedule is. Kids are more precious than money or any other relationship.