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Need Urgent Suggestions Please

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by tanmayi, Aug 23, 2017.

  1. tanmayi

    tanmayi Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi,

    My DD's school is organising a Tour to USA for 15 days through some travel agency. We are not in favour of sending her as she is 11 years old and the cost is way too expensive for us to bear at this point of time. How can I convince her not to go without having to tell us my fears on her security as well as our financial constraints. Most of her friends are not going, but she wants to be one of those who are going. The itinerary has visits to NASA, since science/astronomy is one of her favourite subjects "as of now", she is very much excited to be a part of it. She is thinking she will miss a great opportunity if we dont let her go.

    Please advise on how can I handle this matter and similar kind of issues which may come up in future without discouraging her. What reason should I give her for our denial. If I quote financial reason, will it effect her in any way?

    Tanmayi
     
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  2. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Same experience happened to my cousin sis. Her son's school opted for similar tour and it was very expensive. She approached me(I was in us) abt this. I observed that the students were just brought to shops in USA just for seeing sake. Nothing more. Pls do not waste money. Not worth. The school has not done anything for the students except window shopping. They fool parents. But I don't know abt ur dds school. But be careful. Ur dd will not learn anything useful. I visited NASA. Unless you are in USA it's not worth to visit NASA by spending so much of money. They just play a movie for 15 mins. Pls don't waste money.
     
  3. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Tell ur daughter about ur financial position and because children need to know their parent's financial position too, this will help them understand their parents and act accordingly. Children are smarter than we think. They will understand.
     
  4. Benitapaul

    Benitapaul Silver IL'ite

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    I would suggest the same as what @sindmani said. Kids must know of Parents financial situation. This will help her a lot now and in future too.
     
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  5. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    Frugal parents tend to see these kind of trips as an unecessary cost but they give very enriching experiences and lifetime memories to the kids who go.. a colleague of mine pushed her reluctant daughter to go to a similiar us nasa trip and her kid was very happy with the trip. In ur dd' s case since most of her friends arent going for this one, you can cite the reason that you feel she will learn more out of such trips if she goes maybe a year later when she is slightly older.. instead of saving for her gold or marriage save for the trip next year.. please don't tell her she might not be able to go to any trips in future.. its very disheartening for your daughter.. your financial constraints are your problem not hers. There is no need to mention that.. it creates a lot of insecurity and inferiority complex...
     
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  6. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    valid point but

    the way we put it should be accordingly that it does not affect their security. For example if I get a daughter, she should know that her parents also have little financial constraints. They are not able to afford a trip in school or some other toy she asks at the moment. It is perfectly ok to be in a financial crisis( this should be stressed to avoid inferiority complex).
     
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  7. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    This is a golden opportunity for her to learn
    A) About financial management and that money needs to be wisely spent. Also make her aware that parents work to earn money.
    B) About life not being fair and that there will be disappointments . Reason with her and hopefully she will learn to handle it gracefully .

    I am sure not going to the trip is not the end of the world . If she works hard / smartly enough she might even work at NASA some day !! Good luck !
     
  8. stephanjohn

    stephanjohn Senior IL'ite

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    Do not be downright while answering to your daughter and never give her the slightest clue that you are worried about her security. Explain to her about your financials issues and how you are struggling to educate her.
    When I was a little boy and wanted to attend an excursion, my mom told me exactly this sentence, "Papa and mamma are struggling to earn money but I have a reguest to you my child - When you grow big and earn a lot, you should take us for a tour. " That day I forgot that I had been fussing about going for an excursion. I started day dreamiing about taking mom and dad for a world tour.

    I think I was too easy to handle! Good Luck with your girl!:tongueout:
     
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  9. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Kids should know about the financial situations of the family. 11 year olds are smarter and understanding. So she should understand this better.

    Kids should know that life is with ups n down, n a few hits n misses, wins n losses, and small disappointments like these are a part of it too. You can't protect them from all this forever. When they start to understand all this, they become stronger to handle anything n smarter with their decisions.

    Use this opportunity to teach her about saving, importance of planning n financials.

    She is a part of your family, not a guest to hide everything from. N every decision affects everyone as a whole. Make her a part of any relevant discussions n decisions as she grows up, it would help her a lot in the future.

    Since this is the first time you are doing it, be smart with your words not blunt.

    Use the excuse of her other friends not going.

    Do some online research for any reviews about these trips n can point to the negative points.

    Say you can plan in the future for all of you to go together.

    You guys have never been apart n are not ready to be apart now n will miss her.

    Have a nice understanding two sided chat with her rather than an argument or too authoritative.
     
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  10. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    As adults its easy to say financial crises can happen and we should deal with it , but a teenager cannot be expected to understand this in the same way. With regard to the idea that they should be made aware of life's biggest harsh reality , that this is not a equal world and ,some have more and some have less, that lesson they will eventually learn , no need to teach that by crushing their dreams.
     
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