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need to vent....

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by psych, Jan 4, 2012.

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  1. Jan 5, 2012 #11
    psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    Sri - I followed this advise and was able to convince DH to take her to counselling. I was happy that things were going in the right direction. And he was going to talk to his parents about taking her. DH also says that if she gets married shes gonna come back. So thats why he decided to talk to his parents about help for his sister. since the proposal was from usa he didnt want to lose the opportunity. but when he asked his parents he got a mouthfull they even accused that he was not taking care of his sister. Thats when I became angry. WTF? hes taking care of all their expenses and then their list for expensive gifts and still he is getting accused...

    This is usually how it goes. DH tries to stand up. they acccuse him and then he relents and the same greedy behaviour starts. DH is to be mostly blamed. Why does he need to get the costliest item and give?For example if you as for a school bag, why are u giving a swiss gear top of the line laptop bag? cant he stick to items from walmart? you will atleast save some money in the process??

    there is no end. Its suck it up or divorce. i am unable to do either. and not being able to find happiness either

     
    psych, Jan 5, 2012
    psych, Jan 5, 2012
    #11
  2. Jan 5, 2012 #12
    psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    which basically means that if i want something i need to buy from my savings. still doesnt stop this behaviour from hurting me :-( I dont want to be hurt and thats where I am facing the issue.

     
    psych, Jan 5, 2012
    psych, Jan 5, 2012
    #12
  3. Jan 5, 2012 #13
    SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    when DIL is saying no to such stuff...people start looking at her as mean and that sheis controlling and that she doesnt like taking care of inlaws etc...but what everyone forgets to see the underlying thing.......make people independant....if it was for parents....agreed....but for a grownup widowed sister with a kid and the demands go on and on..and its almost like taking care of a second family in India...and eventually the guy feels so pressurised and all the frustration is taken over wife...because she is the one who is living iwth him day in and day out.....

    Why cant the grownup sister work for her and her sons well being??? is it a sin to ask her to become selfsufficient?? when DILs / sons suggest this..parents get offended...they are forgetting that this overprotection will lead to much more hurt n pain down the line...when the parents are not around....where will the daughtergo along with her son?? and at that age how can she manage finances and life...starting from scratch all over....
     
    SriVidya75, Jan 5, 2012
    SriVidya75, Jan 5, 2012
    #13
  4. Jan 5, 2012 #14
    prashanthi9

    prashanthi9 New IL'ite

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    why his sis hadnt married yet ?? genlly in india ..gals get married before 30 only na ? wat's the problem ?

    lets get her married frst, or if she's educated let her do some job, if she's not ask her abt to start some business or small scale industry etc (not for money just make her self busy wth her life and to mingle wth society ), she needs a companion to share her life and she need to concentrate on her own life ...dont worry everything will be alright ..but it takes lots of time... :)
     
    prashanthi9, Jan 5, 2012
    prashanthi9, Jan 5, 2012
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  5. Jan 5, 2012 #15
    psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    Sri - if she were widowed I would have some pity on her. I am not a mean person by nature. But this one is divroced - not once - but twice. in her second marriage she was married to a guy who was abroad. still she screwed that one up. she already had a child from her first marriage and then got married to this guy who was in dubai. atleast for the daughters sake she could have kept the marriage going. she could have sucked it for her daughters sake. she could have provided better for her daughter if she were abroad. now shes expecting us to pick up the slack. And she has her parents support to do that. Must be nice to be her

     
    psych, Jan 5, 2012
    psych, Jan 5, 2012
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  6. Jan 5, 2012 #16
    SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    I personally will have no issues if she were divorced 100 times....finally its her personal life..but what would irk me is...when she just burdens her life and her kids life on someone else..even if it means her own parents/siblings...she got to growup and learn to lead her life instead of shunning the world...wont help her or her kid...am more worried about her kid than herself.
     
    SriVidya75, Jan 5, 2012
    SriVidya75, Jan 5, 2012
    #16
  7. Jan 5, 2012 #17
    prashanthi9

    prashanthi9 New IL'ite

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    Ohh she's divorced twice ?
    then if she wants to marry again ? ask her clearly " whether she'll again opt divorce if that 3rd person is not compatible ?" she needs counselling not marriage and she needs to be emotionally financially independent first ...
     
    prashanthi9, Jan 5, 2012
    prashanthi9, Jan 5, 2012
    #17
    1 person likes this.
  8. Jan 5, 2012 #18
    psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    totally true. the kid is seeing this kind of bad behaviour. whatever you want just ask DH. is she gonna continue this behaviour when she gets married (the kid)? hate to say this - but the kid is picking up all wrong attitude from her mother.

     
    psych, Jan 5, 2012
    psych, Jan 5, 2012
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  9. Jan 5, 2012 #19
    psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    LOL. She is ready to get married. The prospect of living in USA appeals to her. This prospective grooms family has already told that the kid will have to remain in india. inspite of this this woman is ready. which means the kid will become our responsibility when her mother brings her to usa.

    but i am not worried about this as i dont think this marriage will happen. First its by a third party and the groom doesnt even know about it. hes also younger by 7yrs and is still single. too many red flags here so i am not worried abt that now. but there was another proposal from a rich guy in india. apparantly shes ok with it
     
    psych, Jan 5, 2012
    psych, Jan 5, 2012
    #19
  10. Jan 5, 2012 #20
    psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    So I guess what everyone is saying is you cant do much about it. If I want something badly then i get it for myself. And try be happy with that. I apologize if I sounded rude. But I hate my SIL. I hate her attitude and her behaviour towards me. She has been very mean to me as well. I dont have any inclination to help her whatsoever. apologize if this sounds rude
     
    psych, Jan 5, 2012
    psych, Jan 5, 2012
    #20
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