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Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by ISHASHAKTI, Jan 12, 2017.

  1. ISHASHAKTI

    ISHASHAKTI New IL'ite

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    I am married for 6 years and it is a love marriage. we know each other for 12 years ..I got married and i came to USA after 1 month of our marriage and left my husband in India, he came after 3 years to USA. In this 3 years a lot changed between us we lost understanding and Support in our relationship and after he came to USA we went through alot. From the initial days my Co-Sister (elder Brother-in law's wife) never liked me and was always jealous on me for several reasons (Eduction, looks, my family status and USA)..She has done some thing (I cannot Disclose but just a hint used negative energies on my DH) which brought our relationship to Divorce. But lucliky my parents and Siblings stood by our Side and saved our relationship.
    After that I have stopped talking to my Co-sister and that makes an uncomfortable situation sometimes between me and my DH..
    I am not able to Forgive her as what she has done is very bad plus for the past 12 years always disrespected me and my family..There a lot of incidents she has done and also where she brainwashed and changes my husband completely...I am feeling bad for my husband as he is sad with all this..and don't know the real side of his sister in law...Please let me know what should I do..This is my first post so i am not able to explain the things clearly in writing..
     
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  2. rajatsingh

    rajatsingh Silver IL'ite

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    I am feeling bad for you

    because of your wrong way of looking at the issue.. if the trust , relationship and mutual respect between you and your husband has gone wrong, you guys have to individually introspect and find out the reason for that.. if possible the reason should be corrected...

    Putting the blame entirely on a third person that your husbands attitude towards you changed simply because of the repeated brainwashing by that third person only is absolutely wrong.

    You are escaping from the core issue. The core issue is, to look for/to introspect /ask him which acts of commission and omissions by you has estranged him away from you.
     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Physical separation so early in marriage puts a heavy strain on any marriage.That is the time to form the bonds between husband and wife.
    Your husband is not a child that he can be brain washed so easily.
    It is convenient to blame other people and spare the husband but that is just like keeping the head under sand.
    Problem is between you and your husband .If you don't accept the problem,you will not find the solution. The first step is to understand the real problem.
     
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  4. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Life is completely different post marriage. Esp in love marriages cuz v see and feel for only one person before marriage ,and post marriage the whole gang from both sides join..
    If not ur co-sis issue, then some other issue.. All of us have faced problems post marriage. Its tough to reverse the effects... best solution is to move on, learn to deal with the things as you know the true colors and plan for a stronger future.
    If ur co-sis looked after your H in the same house, then understand her POV. Its tough to manage a nuclear family..if ppl from extended family also join, then its a diff ballgame all together.
     
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  5. suasin

    suasin Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    I was that cosister..
    See, the ideal situation is, you got married, you are no.1 in your Hs life.. He tells you everything, takes care of you, you know what he likes/dislikes etc.. But in your case, you guys were in different continents, timezones etc.. When you were seeing each other, both would have overlooked a lot many things that started bothering after marriage..
    Wont you feel grateful to someone who put up with you, cooked n washed..if you think having gratitude towards her is getting brainwashed, I dont know..of course she will hear about your fights when you were apart, if not from MIL then maybe frm her H.. Why, few days back a cosis asked suggestions to help her BIL n his wife.. Dont blame a third person for your misfortune(?)..
    You didnt mention your inlaws making attempts to get you together.. Why?
    But if your cosis is plotting to take your H away from you, and your H is an innocent party, I suggest you start brainwashing him and keep him away from her.. Whenever she is around you try to be there as well..


    P.S - I have never felt jealous of my cosis, I dont think she is better educated, richer or prettier. I have a better man as my H. Maybe if you ask your cosis she might say the same..
     
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  6. MNR

    MNR Gold IL'ite

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    I am being elder DIL, going through younger co-sister's blame game.
    You should see other side of the story also.

    Check my other thread
    Sil Is Cold With Me.. Am I Sadistic?
    She is blaming me for her miserable state, misunderstanding between couples.
    She hardly stayed with us, hardly communicated. She thinks whatever I told, was authoritative, was putting her down.
    Which was not true.
    Her expectation from me was high, I am not responsible for that. I tried to be civil with her, which she felt dominating.

    She was expecting love and affection differently, I was showing in different way. She did not like that.
    Ok fine. I let that go and on my own, as earlier. I have my own life DH , DD and family.
    She has all that (Eduction, looks, my family status and USA). But I am not cared , worried , dont ask about whereabouts.
    She has complaints on that too. Who cares?
    She has that attitude , she is great, may be for her, nothing for me.
     
  7. sonal1611

    sonal1611 Gold IL'ite

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    U nailed it @MNR
     
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  8. rajatsingh

    rajatsingh Silver IL'ite

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    Every story has an other side. Nice to go through, what you shared !
     
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  9. ISHASHAKTI

    ISHASHAKTI New IL'ite

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  10. ISHASHAKTI

    ISHASHAKTI New IL'ite

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    Thank you all for taking time.
    I was bot able to write the whole scenario here but i decided to add some points.. i agree with you all .. but in my case my Co sis never tried to even make a relationship or acknowledge me when i got married and stayed in India for a month before coming to Usa and made me feel value less every house is different in my in laws house nobody takes the decision its only her .. bro in law cannot do anything without asking her even my MIL jas to obey her .. she is 10 years older and married for 17 years but never cooked nor does any househild stuff .. its my MIL who does everything like cooking buying groceries etc ..i used to visit india every year for a month amd i used to help my MIL for everything.. but still she is so scared that she literally does not talk to me when she is around.. if she saw than she will not speak to MIL for sometime

    Well there are alot of points to say but it's difficult for me
     

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