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Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by ivlakshmi, Feb 20, 2012.

  1. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi ,

    As u all know I am a 27 yer old divorcee.. I really don't feel like staying with parents now.. My mother is also pestering me with some simple issues.She keeps comparing me with others ..my IT job is hectic and feel it as tough to manage household stuff. Some where I feel that my parents are also responsible for making this divorce happen to some extent and i am getting anger feelings towards them as well..
    As said we started searching for matches..ofcourse the matrimonial people will only show divorcees for a divorcee ..They are either aged or not good matches..My ex parents have spoiled our name in relatives so i am facing tough time even with relatives..
    I am getting couple of offers at my ex's country.. I feel like moving to that place as it is safe for girls.
    Is it possible for a girl to be single for the entire life working? Please suggest me. What action shall I take?
     
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  2. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Ivlakshmi,

    Your mom is just taking out her frusturation at you. Do yourself a favour and get out of the blaming who is responsible. This never ends and won't keep anyone happy.

    At the moment do anything that would give you peace. Probably you can move to some PG near your office so that you will be relieved of household chores and have security also. Just concentrate on your career now. If you think moving to some other country will make your carrer better do so. That can releive you from facing relatives. Don't think it as Ex's country. It's not as though you will bump into him the moment you land in the country. Even if you bump into him, it should not matter as he is your Ex, for some reason.

    And it's quite normal for ex's family to spoil your name. Any sane person will be able to figure out in case of divorce one always put blame on other party.

    You have age on your side. We see lot of women going for marriage in thirties. 27 is not old these days. As i have told you in a post earlier take the matrimonial search in your hands. Don't depend on parents/brokers/relatives.
     
  3. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Is it possibl that out of frustration any words that are used seem to kind of hurt you? (may be because you are already in a delicate state mentally and emotionally?)

    Why not move to a diff. city? live in a PG accomodation or rent your own apt and make it a home for yourself. have a pet :) so that you dont feel lonely/

    Coming to moving to your Exs country...remembers its not JUST his country...he is in that country and you can choose to work anywhere in that country. however you have to be emotionally strong to be able to copeup incase if you happen to see him.

    After divorce, it seems like you want to point out someone for the entire saga /issues that have happened so far...but remember that it may not always be one persons fault or it may not always be everyones fault. things happened...done and over...why keep digging the dead body from the burial?? bury your past relationship ...its for your own good. if your mom is saying something....look at it from a diff. angle..they are also worried or may be frustrated to see their daughter in such a state.

    I have siad this in my past posts also...you have to move out to your own apt/rental place and make a life of your own. you cant be with your parents as you need to growup and see the world, dont expect to run to parents ..show them youa re mature and independant and you know how to make decisions for your future..this wouldbring a great chnage in teh way people look at you or talk to you.
     
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  4. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear IVL,
    Can understand your frustration. Please move to your own flat , you can share with other girls if you wish.
    Please stop stalking your ex , he will not come back to you.
    You are feeling anger towards your parents , stop blaming your self or parents , its fate.
    Be kind to yourself, stop being obsessed with ex , their are plenty of countries in the world apart from his.
    Go for counselling as you need help to move on.
     
  5. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    If it is good for your career, then why not? And it also increases your bank balance. As for as marriage, sometimes you just have trust your destiny and wait for the time.
     
  6. tinku

    tinku Silver IL'ite

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    Dear,
    Wait for some time to get a good aliance. All divorcees might not end up with divorcees, so dont make a conclusion. If the person is a divorcee, its good for you that in a later stage in life, he cannot talk some nonsense about you. So I feel marrying a divorcee is a better decision.

    Pls move to some other place as you said if there is safety for women. You can be releived from relatives and parents for a while. You ll feel relaxed. But try to make good friends and move out with them when you are away so that you wont feel lonely. Always engage yourself in some activities.

    Cheer up.
    God bless you.
    Regards.
     
  7. littlelost

    littlelost Senior IL'ite

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    Hello Iv,

    I can understand what you are going through perfectly. I did not want to stay with my parents either and mine are extremely supportive of my decision. I came back to the US, found a job and am living by myself. The main reason for my move being, I didn't want my parents to keep seeing me everyday, feeling bad for me.

    I think somewhere deep down, your parents are devastated too, and its probably just your mom's way of venting. I am not saying what she did or doing is right, but they are human too and are not perfect.

    I am not sure why you are blaming them, but think about it, how does it help to blame anyone? It does not fix the past or shape the future.
    Mine was an arranged marriage, and call it traditional, I did think both parents would help us resolve issues, when we failed to do it ourselves. They did try, but nothing helped. There are times when I feel they should have tried harder. But believe me, that train of thought leads nowhere.

    As others mentioned, try to move out and find a job. You can live in the same country as you do now, in a different city from your parents? or even in the same city but your own apartment? Also, as for your ex's country, not sure which one you are referring to, but any country is huge for two people, right? so if it is a good move for your IT career, by all means consider it.

    Take a day at a time,
    Hugs,

    Little lost
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2012
  8. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,
    yes I shall try to move out as i see that is the only solution..I really feel like having some change to come out of this
     
  9. SSC

    SSC Platinum IL'ite

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    Agree with SV.

    IVL,
    Lot of posters have already told you this, and are saying it again. Please move out and settle down - emotionally, as well as independently! Look out for a guy on your own - according to YOUR requirements. Use matrimonial websites, and take control of your life. And stop blaming your parents, they are doing whatever they think is the best for you. Along with you, they are also going through a lot emotionally. So move out, be independent, and show them, 'U dont give a damn about what the world thinks'! Then they will be contended!
     
  10. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    I think moving is a good change. It may change you as a person and you will learn a lot. New country and diff people will give a fresh start. Dont think of it as an escape. See it as an opportunity
     
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