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Need some advice here

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by deepanika, Oct 10, 2012.

  1. deepanika

    deepanika Senior IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    I am a regular reader of this forum and have posted before. I need some help to deal with my current situation. Some brief here about me. I am a married working woman married 1.5yrs ago with a baby girl now. I have issues with my husband. Though he is a good guy hes not supportive or understanding. We have tough time communicating to each other. I feel we both are different with different likes (which im sure all of us are). I have tried to tell how i feel and how our relation needs work from both our ends.....he doesnt seem to do anything to better our relations....its always me.....He is a very slient type of person....hardly shares any thing with me...be it work his feelings or anything else...i feel suffocated as i dont see my need to be in his life. He says he cannot express his feelings...im fine with that coz ive understood that now and do not expect any thing from him.....but i would like to tell here that i go to work tkae care of the baby wen im back cook food and basically take care of all the household chores and never complain.....all i expect from him is to talk to me....which he doesnt...like after hes back from wrok i tell him about my day but he never opens up.....and when he does talk he is rude to me..he hurts me and i end up crying all the time....he doesnt like me crying and says y do you cry for such small things....his way of talking is very hurting.....dominant in nature..i put up with his dominance and do not reply or do anything against him...shatters and hurts my feelings......like he gets pissed off with me very easily....for very small things.....i keep up with him all the time....whenever we have a fight he never comes back or makes up its me all the time.....we had a fight on a very small thing and he is not talking to me since 3 days....he told his mum about our fights....and said that shell talk to me....but she hasnt yet.....my problem here is i get scared to talk to him coz i have started feeling that he doesnt liek to talk to me and gets pissed off quuickly....i put up with his dominance arrogance and attitude all the time....but then one point comes where i break loose that is when we have a fight....please tell me what to do? should i continue to be like this....obeying him....saying yes to what he tells....he doesnt like it wen i get angry and break loose and again expects me to come behind him to make up.....even when im doing it he gives me attitude and then slowy makes me feel that its my mistake all the time even though its not....

    Senior ILites waiting for your replies to handle this. Im not able to concentrate on work and have no interest in life. feeling depressed all the time with no one to understand my feelings.Ladies ours is an arranged marriage im losing hope and scared that ill fall out of this relation if he continues to be like this.....please help....fyi hes a scorpio n me an aquarius if that makes any difference to know
     
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  2. imakemydestiny

    imakemydestiny New IL'ite

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    Just my two cents - Aquarius and Scorpio are a 'suqare' '4-10' relationship. These relationships are extremely challenging. Why don't you do some more research on this yourself.
     
  3. christine014

    christine014 Gold IL'ite

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    I'm an Aquarius and my Husband's a Scorpio. We have a very happy marriage. That may also be because his moon sign( Indian sign) is Aquarius and my moon sign is Scorpio.

    PS : I didn't read OP's complete message, will read and reply in a few minutes.
     
  4. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Was it always like this? Do you have any unresolved issues ?
     
  5. deepanika

    deepanika Senior IL'ite

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    its been almost like this he feels that im not positive and alwasy cry and this pisses him off...but wenever he talks hes rude i cry and i have told him this......he cannot talk nicely...i keep quiet for and take everything and at the end loose it...dont know how to handle
     
  6. AlishaT

    AlishaT Silver IL'ite

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    If this has been happening since marriage then maybe ask his mother whats the real problem. He couldv been bullied at young age which has caused him to develop a hard shell/attitude. Its entirely possible thats just the way he is. If thts the case, you can start talking in the same tone as he does. Toughen up girl. If life throws **** at you, throw it right back!

    N If its recent, could it be due to his mind being elsewhere? Like maybe responsibilities at work, tensions of things in life? Try asking his mother whats the issue? Sounds like hez a mama's boy so maybe his mom knows more on whats going on. M sure things will get better. But you need to toughen up for sure, if u wanna survive in your relationship.
     
  7. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Its possible that ur DH is completely clueless where it concerns human relations...but before that...

    Can you give me an example of what you would consider rude and what makes u cry.The reason I am asking is ...sometimes people are ultra-sensitive and their spouses have to constantly walk on eggshells. It makes them withdraw into a shell. A marriage counselor would be able to better analyze the dynamics in ur marriage. Have u tried it?
     
  8. deepanika

    deepanika Senior IL'ite

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    one, we moved recently from plaace A to B before the lease ended in the old place, so i suggested we disconnect the electricty from old place for that infront of his parents he shouted at me dont u understand we cnanot do that the lease has not ended to we r supposed to pay the bill.....this is just one small example anything i talk...is wrong or shud not be done or he doesnt like it tries to suppress me....i dont sound mean i talk nicely to him even though e keeps doing this....i hope ur getting a picture
     
  9. deepanika

    deepanika Senior IL'ite

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    im not able to see the private messages which some of you are sending what should i do?
     
  10. deepanika

    deepanika Senior IL'ite

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    dear all please reply im waiting for your suggestions...thanks for those who have responded
     

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