Need Opinion On Giving Advice

Well, I would agree with you. Of course, I believe in trust and transparency in a marriage, but some things you should keep to yourself. I think it is a bad idea to complain about your family members to your spouse and visa versa.
When we just started dating, my husband also told me some family secrets. I listened and listened and then asked him to stop because I noticed that I started despising his father for what he did based on my husband's stories. My husband is not mad at his dad, he loves him and respects him, but I had no warm feelings towards him and no generosity in my heart to forgive him because he was a stranger to me. Telling me this kind of stories was building a prejudice in me against his father even before I met him and I'm sure this is the last thing my husband wanted. I feel like here the same thing happened: your sister was complaining, her husband took her word seriously and did everything to limit communication with a person who mistreated his wife. It makes sense.
I don't have a good advise for you. I feel like if she is so upset with your mom over these childhood incidents and if she is jealous of you, it will be difficult to make her think differently. Maybe you should take a step back and wait until she herself comes around

 

Whatever you advice will turn against you. There will be more fights and misunderstandings. DH and wife will share such things to get closer to each other. Her DH will start to believe all those. Your sister inferiority complex is very deep.

So to have a cordial relationship, maintain distance, give them the space, do not get involved in financial matters, do not defend your mom. Let your mom handle it. Call them once in a while, talk happily. Time will heal, may be your sister dh will realize and understand ,
things will change for good.

Best advice to give your sister is to stop giving advice.

 

Is your sis telling her dh is the main problem here or your sis feeling hurt by this partial treatment?

If she sees you n your mom as the enemy and has treated her unfairly, who else can she relay on apart from her dh? If she can't talk to him too, then wouldn't she be lonely and have no one to share her feelings with?

About the partial treatment, is it true or has she imagined it all in her head?

If your explanation is, it was all consequential n that it wasn't meant intentionally, well it's surely not fun or silly for the one in the least receiving end. It is quite hard for the 'one who got the better deal' to understand the 'one who got the lesser deal'.

First thing to sort out is the stress and the pain she has felt due to the past treatments. And understand her side of it and fixing that.

Her dh's problem is that his wife was treated unfairly and may think he's saving her from more pain by keeping her away from you guys. But he may automatically come around when he feels the past mistakes are being rectified by you n your mom.

Or either give it some time and see if she gets over it on her own.

Or just maintain a distance and call or visit once in a while.

Again, if her dh is the only one she shares it all with, and if this is a deep rooted problem, just telling her to stop is only gona increase her stress n make her lonely.

 

Most people dont like advice given voluntarily by another person. There will be no value to the advice unless the person seek help or suggestion from you. Unnecessary advice can spoil a relation further.

In your case it is better not to advice if she didnt ask for it. Be a good listener to your sister and your mother. Talk something positive to pacify her.. Let them deal with their issues.. She will learn by doing.. Let her learn herself. She is not a kid. If she seek your opinion then you can give your suggestion, till then stay back and see how it goes. Time will heal most of these issues I think.

May be another option- Instead of talking about her situation, you hint the same by sharing or creating a story on why you don't share everything with your husband and why you stopped doing so.. but be very careful..( I dont know whether you are married or not, if not better dont do)

 

Mothers love is incomparable and irreplaceable.


Your mom cannot take care of grandson the same way as your sister would and it is very wrong on your sisters side to expect your mother to take care of an active toddler and not being considerate of her age. Having said that I feel your sister is not mature enough to handle the relationships well balanced. Everyone make mistakes, realizing the mistake and making effort to correct it makes all the difference.


It is common to have sibling rivalry, how was your relationship with her growing up?? Maybe she did not realize that what she is feeding her husband would back fire in future. Try to talk to her heart to heart, tell her how she was special to your parents and how you felt jealous of her on such occasions, in short make her feel your side of story. When a women gets married she is so caught up with setting in her new world and sometime forgets the siblings, tell her how you miss the “sisters having good time”, spend some quality time, tell her how your mom is facing ageing issues, tell her that she is doing good job taking care of her son.


Your sister will not change overnight but the perception will change over time if she see the story from other side of coin.

 

Don't.

.​

 

If your sister is unhappy about the way your mom takes care of her child, then ask your sister to find a better alternative option amicably, so that your mom is not hurt.
What your mom does to your sister is a great help. Your mom is not her nanny or domestic paid helper; thus she can't dictate your mom.
If the quality of the help doesn't meet her standards, she can always refuse to take the help.
Since the helper and the person who gets the help are closely related, it is important to maintain some dignity and respect.
There is a way to say NO, and find alternative help without hurting the emotions.

Besides, what your sister believes about her past can not be erased just like that. Unless she finds it untrue, she will be having this bitterness somewhere.
If she believes her spouse to be her soul mate, she would share no matter what is the information. Sharing gives her some relief from the past bitterness.

Looks like your sister and her husband are on the same page. That is why, what seems as a backfiring from H, seems the right decision to your sister. She doesn't think her H is backfiring her. She thinks her H is right.
Let them be.

I do not think it is possible to clear the air just like that... Your past life with your sister remains unchanged for now. Let it be.

 

Your sister has made up her mind that she was and is wronged and no matter how well your mom takes care of her child,she will see only neglect.
Children catch colds and other infections many times every year,specially when they are very young. She is going to blame your mom for every sneeze.

Let her find some one else to take care of child. May be then she will realise .