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Need motivation for many things and want to feel positive like I WAS BEFORE

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mehtaradhikam, Aug 12, 2015.

  1. mehtaradhikam

    mehtaradhikam Bronze IL'ite

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    Hello all!

    My name is Radhika. I shifted from Ahmedabad to Gurgaon before a year and got married before four years. No kids yet.

    Before marriage I was working as a lecturer in BCA and PGDCA college. I loved my job. Was creative, enthusiastic, can handle 200 college students single handedly. I was also managing whole computer lab and server including hardware and software maintenance. Had to resign from job as city changed after marriage.

    After my marriage I tried applying for many jobs but did not receive any interview call. My hopes were vanishing, I diverted my heart to cooking, and now I can proudly say that I can cook anything and everything from regular Indian food to continental dishes(Sorry if I seem to be bragging). But I don't get satisfaction from just sitting at home and cooking food. I also do all housework by myself no maids whatsoever. But I want to do something for my career and want to earn some money so I can feel independent.

    My husband advised me to start studying, and I started CA course before a year. But after initial compulsory training at ICAI institute we shifted to gurgaon as DH got promotion. Started to find firms for articleship but they don't want someone who is not in her early 20s as an articled assistant. And to be frank I am not getting any interest in finance studies. my lack of interest is as because either I have not found out good teacher or just lack of interest in finance studies, don't know for sure.

    I feel bad about one other thing also. In fact it hurts me like anything. And that is when all my inlaws, Dh's friends ask and irritate me when we will have child. Everyone is against my studies and my efforts for job. I get lost in their thoughts all day so much that sometimes I don't feel to take bath before noon. I feel completely lost, angry, depressed. We want child but not on anybody else's wish.

    I love to do workouts at home, wear my workout clothes but don't like to do anything. Just want to sit whole day doing nothing. I don't have any friends here, DH comes home after 9 at night tired from his days work, he still talks with me but I feel guilty for not giving him some much needed rest. Still feeling like crying while writing this post. I have lost contact with all of my friends, they are busy in their own life. I am still trying to be in contact but I think they are too busy.

    One more problem is I am not able to wake up early despite of every effort I take. Clock always shows 7 when I am fully awake. I was morning person before marriage as my school, college, job was all in early morning at 7. But now I find it hard to even open eyes before 7. I have changed into this couch potato.

    Can anyone give me some tips to feel motivated, positive ? I am just lost, crying and idle woman.
     
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  2. pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Check your thyroid level.......hypo thyroid makes a person dull ,....and has a tendency to not favor conception .Consult a good doctor.
     
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  3. viraghu

    viraghu Gold IL'ite

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    I see myself in ur post only difference is i was not working before marriage also...after a long time only, i had my kid too.. Just you need a push in life to keep yourself stay active n positive around... Create new friends, go to nearby temple... read lots of positive books n story books which you feel interested in!! if you have interest in any hobby, learn it well so that you can earn through that... There are lots of arts n crafts which can be learnt.Check out for your interest zone!! Keep diverting your mind from the unwanted topics... If you are interested in spiritual books, do give a try!! lots to explore around... Have a schedule for your workouts or for morning walk... Do change the way of approach towards your life.. Then, you can certainly see a change in yourself..Give a chance and come out successfully!! Try to stay always positive!! Take care.. Keep rocking!! best wishes to you radhika :)
     
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  4. nrp

    nrp New IL'ite

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    HI Radhika,

    I completely understand ur position!! if you have any volunteering institutes or NGO's for your city you can try to join in, try to concentrate more on social responsibility if you are interested, Even in fb you can find lot of citi voulunteering institutes, here in Chennai we do have lot, obviously u can find same kind of them in Gurgaon too.

    U know what you change your everyday routine try to write diary and your ambitions in notes, read out everyday!!! You will get motivated for sure, I have tried it and I do it whenever I feel sad!! It really works!!Try it out!!

    You can listen Terry 's videos, I lwould love too to stay motivated in my life.
    One more thing don't deliver the child until and unless its ur intention, don't do it in pressure. Just concentrate on what you want to do...and stay motivated!!
     
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  5. catwalk

    catwalk Gold IL'ite

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    You havn't done any SIN. So no need to worry about the public. They have nothing to do /think. So they intervene in others life.

    It is not at all late too. Four years is not a long span. If you personally wants to plan a family, please consult an experienced Gynecologist. She will conduct a check up
    to ensure there is no physical issues.

    You seem to have very high leadership qualities. Your ability to learn new things is amazing.

    In my opinion, you should not search for jobs and waste your time. You can be a successful entrepreneur. You can manage your working time too. If you are good in cooking, why don't you look for some opportunity in food and restaurant business. You can research and find a recipe of your own, prepare it, pack it , market it and sell it to various food joints initially.
    There are many micro finance projects offered by GOI and you can be a beneficiary.
    They will give the necessary training and funding. Think about it. Instead of an employee, you can be an employer.

    If you are successful and independent, no one would dare to ask embracing questions to you. That is a bonus.
     
  6. chocogal26

    chocogal26 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Radhika...my best friend lives in Gurgaon sector 15....She is my childhood friend....her daughter is 5 yr old. She loves shopping, watching movie apart from house hold works...you can ask her for movie or for cup of coffee...you can enjoy her company...if you are interested you can message me .
     
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  7. mehtaradhikam

    mehtaradhikam Bronze IL'ite

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    I am thankful to all ladies who have given me their time to answer and motivate me.

    Pear
     
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  8. mehtaradhikam

    mehtaradhikam Bronze IL'ite

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    I am thankful to all ladies who have given me their time to answer and motivate me.

    Pear :- I have checked my thyroid level by the grace of god everything is normal.

    Viraghu:- I will try to divert my mind in reading positive books. your suggestion is very nice.

    nrp what you said, I have tried to say that to myself many times but I was not very convincing to myself.

    catwalk you made me smile, hearing compliment after so long. Except for cook ing I don't get any compliments. My teacher has said that when I was in college same words what you said me.

    chocogal I will surely ask for your friend's contact tomorrow.


    Please ladies don't mind I don't know how to quote other answers in my reply. I am really sorry for that.

    I think what I needed seems to be on this forum. I was desperately searching for friends who can understand what I am going through.

    One more thing, I can be wrong on this topic is I have not experienced friendlyness in Gurgaon people. Only my neighbour who was from maharashtra was having chats with me now and then, but no other north indian women. But my neighbour shifted to other house two months back, so I am more lonely than ever.
     
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  9. sing

    sing Silver IL'ite

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    Dear, life is not the same after marriage and will not be a rosy path especially after you are married.

    (a) Don't care a damn about what others ask you about kids, its your and your husbands choice in when to have them. Why do you waste time bothering about this at all?

    (b) Professional life : Find a channel whereby you can do what you want, you need to keep shifting your bases if things don't work out, like you couldn't manage to get to work somewhere. Try in a different area, keep moving one. We have a general tendency to stick to what we've been doing for a very long time and begin "institutionalized" i.e. want to do the same kind of thing.

    (c) Personal life, feeling positive : Married couple should enjoy their time with each other, you know making love is a great stress buster regardless of age, do it.

    Getting up early in the morning is not a big deal, you can always if you tire out too much the day before, do some yoga and you'll be back in track.

    We can control ourselves, but at times we should let biology control us i.e. we can't work with clock work precision as we age older. We need to loosen up at times and get back.

    Don't feel like doing nothing is not at all a problem. If you are excited to the pointed of exhaustion, you need to let your brain de-stress your excitement. Surprising, it happens periodically for me. I know when to give a break during which I do absolutely nothing, not even think about anything, just let things happen, for 2 days or so. It relieves me completely and I am back to work with full energy.

    Some tips I can give : Just release yourself, stop thinking about anything and go for an evening walk in a park. Finding somebody to chat with can also help !





     
  10. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    I would say, get up in the morning and get ready as if you are going to office. Dress up well. start doing outside chores, like grocery shopping, or accompany husband till office or drive around for a bit. come back after 11am and relax a bit, read newspaper or watch TV. look out for any simple courses which are advertised in news paper, etc.

    see if you can provide tuition to kids in your area. Basically, i think you are looking for some freshness and some appreciation and some friends. or better yet start some business. see stuff relevant to your native place in your present area..
     
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