Need Inputs

One think I have to agree on, raising a toddler takes up lot of energy, time and sleepless nights. It is the tough period in life - managing work, kid, and marriage life. It is the best, if you can have someone at home to take care of the kid till he/she is independent. It will be helpful, if grandparents are living close by to take care of the baby at least few hours during the weekends. So that you can relax and have some time for yourself.

Is there any cousin / sibling / close relative living nearby to visit you often or do you talk to them regularly over phone. Alternatively, you can make friends in the neighborhood to have play time together with your kid few times a week. Can you visit your parents to give you some free time during the holidays or once in few months.

I think, you need to have some adult conversation, that's what missing in life.

Since you mentioned, you work is lab related, may be it is too monotonous / lacking meaningful interaction with others? It doesn't matter where you work, but need to have a crowd around you to support and hang around during lunch hours. It is just like in school, college, to say hi-five daily. You have to make it as friendly work environment and looking forward to go back to work to share and discuss your experience of life events - movies, hot news, election, politics, gossips etc. Over time, you will have life long friends from your work.

Kids can sense parent's mood and reflect that as their fear. Feel good about yourself on what you have achieved in life for the last 5- years. A good life with understanding DH, a baby, work, steady income, new home etc. You have so many good things going on in your life and you should feel proud of yourself. At your age, many haven't reached that stage of life and still struggling. Count your blessing, relax and enjoy!

 

I absolutely understnd your state of mind as I too have a LO to handle and is undergoing the stress of it. But pls don’t feel irritated with your daughter for her mischiefs as she is just longing for your attention. She s already 2.5 ; in no time she ll grow up and will have absolutely different interests of her own. Then you ll be the one longing for her attention! Kids don’t remain as kids forever; their needs at this stage would be easier to fulfill than their needs as they grow up. Now all she needs is your love and care, try to give the maximum of it. Rest all can wait..be it your dirty dishes or laundry or your monthly account settlements. Once your kid is grown up I bet you ll long to get back these days.
As for relaxation and me time- I dont think you can get much of it on weekdays considering your busy schedule but atleast weekends give a break to yourself. Ask your H to take care of your daughter for a while and go to a parlor and get somw relaxing facial or hair spa done; or whatever for that matter. Or go out all three of you , have food from outside, go to some mall and ask H to take LO to the kids area while you indulge in some shopping!!
If possible go for a relaxed family trip,trust me it would be really rejuvenating!
These are a few things which I do.. hope it helps!

 

I have 4 words to you if I am right! "Get off Social Media" . Also physical exercise is very important for a balanced mind. Make sometime in the morning to walk bare minimum.

 

do you have art of living course near by. they have weekly free practise as followup and satsung . I am not suggesting anything super religious but it helps me to get out of my house and work and see people and hear anything but daily routine of life.

i felt the same couple of years ago when i reached 30. I talked to my H. I am taking off 1 day a month, i like to do whatever i feel like that totally alone or with my friends. first i was critical , then i thought life just goes on. now after 3 years, i feel this was a good decision.

 

Don't worry OP. Its pretty normal. Nothing unusual about it. This will pass. We cannot change past. So live in the present and look forward to future. Count your blessings.

Washroom! I can write a book on it. ( i used to hold my sick clinging crying son even when I am in toilet. My bathroom (in US its dry) door was open for many years. Or they (two kids) play just outside the door. I think its due to isolation fear, they start searching once they miss mom. You are the only one in home, so it a natural action from her side. I switch on TV/PC, play a cartoon, do a formal announcement about my washroom visit, only then I go bathroom, it helped. I think they can understand when we give clarity to them. I talk to them from there to make them comfortable. I cant imagine it now..

I am also an introvert, work full time in science field. So I can understand what you have been going through. Your DD is too young to read books or enjoy stories for along time. May be you can watch some nursery songs in youtube or sing it with her. It is difficult for them to understand our instructions in this age. Dont worry, it will improve once she turn 4yrs. I suggest you to stick with a schedule. Talk about it to your dh . Take her to bed every day at the same time. [My schedule , I reach home around 6:00 PM, given them snacks/milk, switch on their cartoon, make tea, watch something on my TV /mobile and relax, start some preparation for cooking. 7: 00 Bath time , then prayer , home work , this time I cook. Eat dinner at 8:00-8:30. by 9:00 take them to bed, once they sleep try to get out and do something else for me for one hour ] .

If sleeping time is 9:00. Stick with it. Dont even delay it to 9:01. If so,they will sleep one hour or more later. Stick with schedule even during holidays. Try an earlier time, for example 8:30PM. Switch off all lights, tv every thing. your DD will play and seek you attention, but dont even respond during sleeping time, control yourself . Let her play and go to sleep.Pretend like sleeping. Try it for two weeks. Slowly she will start sleeping at the same, with some exceptions. But be on bed at the same time everyday. Be very firm on it. Once she sleep you get time to relax. Me time is very important for an introvert, else you feel exhausted.

I dont believe if someone say they dont have time. Everyone have only 24h a day. Make yourself also a priority. Find what relaxes you. Watch TV/ comedy/ movie/ listen music/reading/yoga/exercise or whatever etc. While cooking or cleaning, play music or listen to something positive. It makes job easy. On weekends you can handover Dd to Dh, and find time to go for a walk or beauty spa or whatever or do something as a couple. Be around people as much you can even if you dont talk. On working days, you can walk around your working place is its possible. Do explore and introspect what make you peaceful & happy. Try to talk to at least one person per day even if its for 5 minutes (may be you mom, siblings or relatives or friends) . Visit family, friends or go for trips. Think positively. Avoid negative people. Be optimistic. Only you can control your thoughts and actions. If there is a will, there is a way.

 

I was there at one point ! Two kids, full time job, husband busy. I can’t tell you how many times I rushed to work in clothes that were not ironed, hair messed up. I felt I had no life !
Things that worked:
A) Kids like schedules and predictability. They had to sleep in their own room in bed by 8.30 p.m latest. After some initial hiccups things worked well. Whatever happens they were put in their room by 8.30. That gave me time for myself after they had gone to bed.
We still follow this.
B) Once or twice a month I have designated “me “ time with husband watching kids. Used this time for parlor, nails, movies, catching up with a friend.
Husband does the same ( no nails though

C) A good tip when you don’t have time . I always carried a good B.B. cream or foundation with me and a lipstick. Get to work and head to the bathroom. Cover those dark circles and a dab of lipstick. A body spray.

D) Keep your work desk nice , pretty and peaceful . It’s your home away from home. Take a quick walk during lunch break if you can. Don’t go all hassled back home and be irritated with the baby.

E) You have a cook, outsource cleaning etc if you can afford it. A good reliable nanny is a must , part time or once a month . Where you can drop the baby in case of anything.

F) On special days H and I took off on a weekday when kids were in daycare.
Watched a movie , had lunch. Really rejuvenating to not be parents 24/7 sometimes.

G) work on making your kid independent as they grow . At 7 my elder one can take care of his own cereal breakfast, rinses his dishes and puts them in dishwasher. Gets dishes out , wipes them and puts them in place. Can heat food in microwave and serve himself , warm milk in microwave for himself. Really helps when I have a fussy younger one clinging to me like a monkey. I always wondered how my non Indian friends looks happy , rested ( make up and all) with two kids. This is how their kids are brought up. No over pampering , rules followed to T.

I hope some of this helps. Hang on , things will get better as you daughter grows older. I promise !

 

@seeety2016, from time to time, I also go through these feeling. It feels like there is too much to handle. Some days its really hard. Its good to vent, I hope this vent helped you.

Some of the issues automatically disappear on their own with time (and new one’s add up). What helps me is below, see if you can do some of it..


1. Don’t expect things will improve. We need to find our new routine within the available time. Usually my hair and nails are done at my lunch break near work. I don’t get to have that luxury during the weekends, what with 2 kids and a dog, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. If you cannot squeeze things between lunch, you will need to schedule an appointment at a parlour, ask your husband to go pick up your daughter from daycare. Make this the new norm. He may crib in the beginning or may not; you will have to ry. Change your hair style etc

2. Carry small makeup items like powder/ liquid foundation, lipstick and kaajal along with you in your purse. 5 mins in the office washroom, you are all set. This makes a world of difference.

3. Why is your child sleeping at 10:30? It’s so late. Cut of that nap she is taking in the afternoon. I am assuming she is because she cant be just having 8.5 hours only. Either cut out that nap or try to get her to wake up from her nap by 1:00 PM. That way, she will sleep by 8 PM. Kids need this, at least until they are 5. When you pick her up though, make sure to spend quality time with her. Set a routine. Dinner+play+shower+PJs+milk+book etc. Start this by 7 PM so you are done by8 and she is ready to sleep. Cut that nap out.

4. Make small plans. Like a small getaway; just you, hubby and kid. Your work will never end; even after she gets married and move away…lol so, the sooner you realise this, the easier it gets for you. So make plans including your whole family. Just a weekend getaway, it will re-energise you.

5. Its perfectly fine to have fantasies. I live abroad and travelled a lot but still have them. They exist for everyone. Don’t blame yourself for it.