Need ideas to avoid extended family

Singingheart · Jun 9, 2013

Dear ILs,

Here is my situation. I have a LO a little over a month. God gave us our LO with some congenital issues (that are visible) as well. We have accepted our LO as it is and love her with life. We have been going from one doc to another every week. We have informed about this only to closest family (both set of parents).

Now one of our extended family is here for a couple of months. They want to visit us and stay with us for a couple of days. I am not ready for it yet. I am sure they will notice and they will go back home to gossip big time. So I DO NOT want them to visit us. We tried avoiding them saying we are busy the weekend they plan to come, but they still ask us the weekend that will work for us.

Initially thought about saying immunity issues for me. But we have had our friends come and visit us. So, can't say that. I can totally take the blame. But do not know how to avoid them.

I need your help/ideas in avoiding their visit.

Thank you!

aamrapali · Jun 9, 2013

this is a difficult situation. you can continue to dilly-dally with them saying this wkend something next wkend another thing - if they are smart, they will get the hint that you do not want them to visit. however, they may feel bad about it. they may suspect something and spread a different kind of gossip that something is wrong in your family life that u want to hide from everyone. if u cannot stop it, let them come. they will see, they will wonder, they will leave, they may talk. so be it. we should not feel ashamed or afraid of realities in our life. whose life is perfect, nobody's. at some time or the other, our imperfections come out. we must have the strength to face what is our life it is real and it is ours. through life there will be many more situations where you will have difficult situations, failures, hurdles, you can shy away from them better to acknowledge and respect them as part of ur life.

aamrapali

Anitap · Jun 9, 2013

Tell them you have weekend classes (and lots of homework during weekdays). Hence cannot host.

Livinglife · Jun 9, 2013

Maybe you can tell them your LO has recently developed some infections (ear infection maybe?) and doctors have advised strictly no outside contact. I know it is not nice to makeup an illness for your child but I also know it is best to avoid any unnecessary people you dont want to deal with at this time. I understand because my DD was born with a cleft palate. Since it was not visible it was easier for us to keep it to ourselves.

Singingheart · Jun 9, 2013

Thank you aamrapally anitap and livinglife!

Aamrapally like you said I have accepted the situation but want sometime talk about and think its too early.

Anitap I wish it were that simple....but I am too busy with lo to take any class.

Livinglife, thanks for understanding. I want to use your idea. Do you know of a situation where docs recommend isolating from outside contact for ear infection?

The realistic the reason lesser the trouble....would like more ideas pls
Thank you all again!

flysauc · Jun 9, 2013

Singing heart, after going thru your post and replies to the others... i feel are not comfortable at all having someone at this point in your house. my 2 cents will be if ur mind is not ready please don't force urselves and with a valid reason .... anyone would do the same thing.

Can u talk to your husband and he can do the explaining or evading them. i am sure he can give them ample of reasons . Even if u sound rude to your guest.... u can defn mend it down the line by being nice in future. I am sure all of us are not the best when entertaining guests and its ok .

Dont stress yourself !

Rihana · Jun 9, 2013

How about husband's work will need him to travel on short notice, so you cannot commit ahead.

Ask your parents or DH's parents, whoever know this relative. They might have some suggestions that will work. Be careful though, they shouldn't force you to meet them when you say you want to avoid the visit.

It is really inconsiderate of people to want to come and stay over in a house that has an infant.

satyasrinivas80 · Jun 9, 2013

I agree with Rihana. One of my Dh's distant relative's parents came to help with their DIL's delivery, and the son called my DH to tell that his parents wants to visit us as they came to their close relatives in the same state. At that time, we traveled to Canada for my DH's business trip so he told the same to this son. They took it otherwise and didn't call us/ inform us about the delivery.

peeks · Jun 9, 2013

Ok, this might be over the top how about someone has chicken pox, there fore contagious etc, not sure if it will work. Good luck, it is frustrating when you want somone not to come over but they are insistent, esp. family, I know what it is like...

sheztheone · Jun 9, 2013

Why don't you ask your parents/PILs (whose side the relative in question belongs to) to give some excuse? They can filter this at their level instead of you guys having to break your head over this.

I understand this situation as my kid had issues at birth and we did not want anyone visiting for the first 3 months due to fear of infection etc. Still people were insistent but my DH was very firm that no one visit. Some extended family members held a grudge for close to year. However I feel that we as parents should put the kid and our comfort level @ first priority.
You can never please extended family.