Hi All, I desperately need help to work around my introvert personality because I think that is causing my career.For some reason I never speak up or ask any questions in a meeting.I don't indulge in small talks. but if I know a person really well I am comfortable and can talk about any subject. In the past my managers have given me the opportunities to lead but I don't think I used that opportunity really well.I could explain and convince my manager but I think I should also be able to communicate and convince a room full of people and I don't really do well in that. If I know if need to give a presentation I would work on it practice it and can reasonably do well. but I suck when I need to talk in the spur of the moment especially in a meeting set up and I come across as not confident . When I come out of a meeting I don't even say bye to the folks. sometimes people would call me out and say bye to make sure I am comfortable. Could anyone help me with how to overcome with this problem.
I too have the same nature. Coming out slowly but still long way to go. Will like to share what I do to come out. 1. Talk to yourself as much as you can but not in mind. Speak up. 2. Don't always think what other person will think. Everyone is like us. Some lack in one field some in other. No one is perfect. 3. Don't over think about this. Just feel that its normal to have such behaviour. 4. When you are in public be alert and look at everyone's behaviour. By just being alert you can observe and know what other person is expecting. 5. Don't get lost with your thoughts. It happens, we are so much busy with ourselves that we forget to notice other. 6. While entering into the meeting talk to everyone so that you can feel comfortable with them. Your comfort level decides your further response. Its your nature and cannot change overnight. But still try these and also other suggestions that you will get and hope for the best. I will also learn more with other replies in this post.
focussed, you have articulated the problem so well in so few words. Recognizing it, breaking it down into small chunks as you already have (unwittingly perhaps) and wanting to work on it is three-fourth's of the battle won. I'd suggest you start small. Address one change and work on that for 4-6 weeks. Small talk before, during and after meetings, and at other times like lunch, water cooler, coffee machine area, is a good one to start with. Google 'the art of small talk' and there are many links on steps to make small talk. Have small goals, such as "initiate small talk x times this week", "do not be the first to leave a meeting". Much also depends on the culture of your work place. There must be one or two people you admire for their people skills. Observe how they talk, what they talk about. Use your introvert nature to your benefit. Move a little out of your comfort zone, but not too much. Maybe you will change a little but not become a gregarious person : ). So, you will talk enough, but not so much that people don't actually listen to you. I would compare it the Likes and posts I post on FB. Because I do those less often, people notice it. As changes of habit go, moving to one of conscious small talk is among the easier to achieve. Good Luck.
Public speaking classes should help you a lot. Also start speaking up at meetings, over a period of time you will be more comfortable . Be confident about who you are, even if you are an introvert. There is nothing wrong with being one, but don’t let it affect your career prospects. You don’t have to indulge in small talk but make it a habit to say a quick hi , hello, how was your day, have a good weekend, hope you have a good weekend, bye, please and thank you. Might seemed forced and artificial initially but before you know you will rattle it off like a robot .
If you looking for another introvert, here I am . But I improved a lot , but needs improvement. Still one-to one talk is a herculean task for me if I am not in comfort zone or not with my close friends who know who I am. You are perfectly normal. Dont believe if anyone else talk the other way. Even if they talk just dont take it your heart. First observe yourself. your positives and negatives. Enhance your positives and work to improve on negatives . Use your strength wisely. Accept yourself- that this is the way nature created. @Monika' has given nice tips. Create an 'I dont care attitude' , This is to survive any humiliation. Dont worry about what others think. Think you are perfect the way god created. Just accept it. Improve your body language to create a positive look. Try to look confident. Even if you are not, try to smile, be pleasant (practice it) and try for eye contact, keep your head high. Dont bend your head down and walk. dress well for the occasion. Observe, observe, observe, how people talk, what they talk, how they respond back, how they enter a room, how they leave..Next time use the same for your needs. This is the way I learned many things. Still not perfect. Tell yourself you can do it. You are capable of doing it. Take small step at a time. On a professional level, use email very well for updating your co-workers or sharing any info. You dont have to talk to each and every one to communicate. Always cc to your boss if its important. If you can, read the book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg (there is some post on IL, I think). It may give you some idea . Do your job well with 100% sincerity, do hard work, excel in your area. Try to be the best in your field of expertise. Then people wont care about whether you are introvert or not, even if they know what is the point, if you are the best. They have to come in terms with it. Suppose you are going for a presentation, practice that well. Always think how people may think, what type of questions they can ask, think well about it and prepare answers in advance. Ask and answer it yours self. This practice may help you. Also observe what type of questions people ask, how other people respond, how they behave in those meetings. Even if you dont know the answer, take a deep breath, relax ,think and answer whatever is relevant. I am sure the advance practice may help. If you think your face reflect your disappointment, practice to keep a neutral face. Watch interviews on TV and shows. Try to create a positive impact. It is very difficult to break our comfort zone, but we need it to survive in this world. Be positive, you can do it.
Hi focused - you are lucky that you are in the technology field . You can easily get away by being an introvert . Just look at the nerds like Bill gates , Mark zuckerberg, Marrisa Mayer who are all self proclaimed introverts yet they have created history for generations to come . Introverts can be calm, focused and spend less time on useless smalls talks which are mentally draining anyway . You can take this as a positive trait and leverage it for your benefit . However , a little bit social skills doesn’t harm so try doing small talks during coffee breaks or lunch time. To start with , You just have to strike a conversation and throw the ball in their court for them to do the rest of the talking . It can be just how was your weekend , did you watch yesterday’s game ( if you follow any sports ), weather like I cant believe it’s so hot today , or if you are up to date with technology , talk about something like “hey iPhone is coming up with a new feature , what do you think about it ?” Regarding putting forth your views in meetings , you don’t have to use over the top jargons or phrases to express yourself . Meetings are nothing but a cauldron of noise and most of the times useless chatter so just speak loud and clear , keep it concise and to the point . I am sure many people will appreciate that quality of yours . Go ahead and speak with all you can . Most of the time nobody but only you are dissecting everything about you . It’s all in your head maybe . Don’t worry about presentations . People with years of experience and even the greatest extrovert out there will find presentations nerve wracking . Practice alone, in front of the mirror , with your family , and on the day of the presentations , dress up well and look very confident . Just put up an image and see how confident you will feel and others will feel the same about you . In the end , you have to be good at what you do and the company should believe in you that you are irreplaceable. None of that useless small talks will get you too far anyway .
@focussed I am an introvert too. I had exactly the same problems like you at the beginning of my career. I have always been regarded as an intelligent person but I always lacked the social skills. I think the main reason behind my introversion is the cultural background. I was conditioned to believe that girls should always speak very less in general, no talking with boys, walk with head down, and dress very conservatively. I hate this so much now and will never do it to my kids. Looking back, I have improved so much and there is still a long way to go. My DH is the main (probably only) reason behind my changed avatar. He is completely opposite of me at the other end of the spectrum (slightly intimidating sometimes). I admire this quality of him very much and also I observe him many times. Here are some of the things that he told me and also worked with me to improve myself: 1. Body language is the most important thing. I cannot stress on this more. Always keep your head high, make eye contact, your back straight and have a pleasant smile. Even if you didn't say a word in the meeting, your body language will make others perceive you as a very confident person. Work on this first. 2. Think highly of yourself. We all are unque and perfect in our own way. So, please think highly of yourself. One thing that helped me is the fact that I have always been very confident of my technical skills. I have always done extremely well in math and sceince subjects throughout my school and college. Even now, I read a lot of articles relevant to my work and equip myself with knowledge. Knowlegde is truly powerful. So, improve your technical skills and this will greatly help with feeling good about onself. 3. Be confident of your looks. Buy clothes that suit your body. Always dress up well. Some of the things I did is that I lost some weight (still have to lose a lot), bought many new fashion earrings (I always love them) and changed my hair style. I got compliments on my new hair style. So, when I enter a meeting room I always feel very good about myself. Other things that I wanted to say has been covered by others. You have got really excellent suggestions from them. This is very helpful tips for me too Good luck dear OP!
