Need Help !! What Mistake Am I Doing ?

No. He has some psychiatric problem .stop beating yourself .

 

This was your mistake. They would have guided you.

 

Dear @ Mylifeatusa , it is clear from the above, you are doing your best to keep the marriage and your family well. If he is not able to appreciate or even understand and has only negative thinking, it is purely his nature ( due to umpteen number of reasons of which u are not responsible) due to his upbringing. By experience, being a senior I can say, it is not easy to change such men. But, at the same time, I would not advise divorce or separation. Try counselling if he is willing - which again is doubtful as such men will never agree anything is wrong with them. If not, You can take the full advantage of his care towards the children being in the marriage. For your part, clearly ignore and tell him so also - that you are done with trying to please him and are not ready to listen to any more negative comments from him, and it is not going to have any effect on you. Stop thinking that ur behaviour is in anyway responsible for his behaviour. When u have a clear mind and conscience, just learn to live your life well personally , as well as with children and carry on. God willing , he may come round, if he knows he cant brow beat you into feeling guilty or frustrated. All the best.

 

He might have severe inferiority complex. But this kind of behaviour is unacceptable.
One possibility is if the person whom you are interacting with ( even minimum interaction) might be better looking than him or in better position according to him so he might feel that if you talk to such people you will look down on him.
So internally he might have some fear that he is not capable person, which can be even due to the past incidents like your FIL beating him and he losing job.

You must take him to some psychiatrist , if possible , he will obviously oppose it but you need to some how convince him for kids sake and get treated as soon as possible!

 

I am afraid it is NOT purely his nature, his upbringing may have contributed to his abuse. He has serious metal problem. Please take it seriously and CONSULT A PSYCHIATRIST FOR PROPER DIAGNOSIS FIRST followed by counseling.

Since, he loves his kids, for their sake he may agree to go to the doctor, especially if you put your foot down. He needs help and you are the only one who can help him, knowing his family. Don't get discouraged. You need to put self blaming behind you; otherwise you can't go forward with a plan of action.

You knew the problems from day one, why did you let your family member borrow any money from him?

 

OP, you need to keep your sanity. I am scared , this will affect your mental health. Already it is.How will you work and take care of your kids if he keeps the same behavior.

 

Agree, but it didn't occur to you that he may have mental illness. It is one of those things that can be well hidden by the person who is suffering and not accept he has a problem. Mental illness is no different than any other illness and therefore, now, you need to focus on diagnosis followed by treatment.
You knew the problems from day one, why did you let your family member borrow any money from him?

 

Treatment can be done only if the guy will go to the psychiatrist. She cannot physically drag a adult.

 

If she tells him that she cannot put up with this, and he needs to do it for his kids sake so that they can have a happy family. Out of fear that she might leave, he may agree.
Let us all keep our fingers crossed that things will work out for both of them. You never know unless you try.

 

True. OP give him an ultimatum.