need help to solve my brothers situation for his marriage!

ande2000 · Sep 18, 2015

my brother has some health problem from his birth. he can't control his urination it was due to some effects which he faced during his birth. during his school days he faced this problem very lot. he will change nappies and dress during interval, lunch breaks etc. though it was very better now it was quite low for him now. no one can identify this problem until he tell to others.

but he has no problem in sexual, he had even consulted with doctor. doctor said that it will not cause any problem in family life.

but he worries whether he have to tell this problem to the girls house or not. he is not have any motive to hide this problem, but don't know how to explain them. how they will take this and react.

help me and him with ideas if you have any how to explain this to girls family and settle well in married life.

thank you.

HemalathaRangar · Sep 18, 2015

Hi, the girl who s really accept ur brother, apart frm this issue, if she accept ur brother means tell to her about this and ask whtr it s k r not... if she said k means further proceed wit her parents... hope all goes well

bron · Sep 18, 2015

I think u should convey them well before u fix an alliance and proceed regarding health issues directly related to groom or bride..else this may araise problems later on..so its better u guys discuss in advance..

Sindhujaft · Sep 18, 2015

Since its a medical issue, its better to tell bride's family. Orelse Definitely one day they would come to know, at that time we cant predict how the situation would go. There might be a chance of conflict betwn the couple. So its better to make them clear before marriage. And if they have no issues u could proceed with marriage.

Regards,
Sindhuja

ande2000 · Sep 19, 2015

thanks for all your reply.

we are clear that we have to say this to them. we don't have any idea to hide it and do marriage.

we need to know how to convey this to them and accept them. if we convey before fixing it will spread with our relatives and in town people and may create new problems or mess up the situation.

so we would like to know how to convey it without spreading the news to all.

we know that it is hard for a family or for a girl to accept proposal like this. we (me and my mom ) fears that whether marriage get delayed due to this.

yellowmango · Sep 19, 2015

Op...how bad is the problem now?
Does he need some protection ...like a diaper?Does he have leak accidents?

It is indeed a difficult situation because of its nature.
Is here a medical name for the condition and literature available?

The best I can think of is firstly to keep the girl boy seeing meeting thing restricted to only girl boy and may be parents.
If they like each other, then he should ask for a meetings with the girl.
There he should give her the information about his condition and if it is acceptable to her.
He can give her some time to read up on it and ask her to keep it between herself and maybe her parents.

Good luck op.

soulful · Sep 19, 2015

agree with yellowmango. These days both the girl and the guy speak to each other before the meeting happens. Once it reaches a level that it looks like the prospective alliance may lead to something serious, the topic may be gently broached. There are not many ways to tell this to the girl. Keep it simple and straight. he can tell the girl that there are these rare incidents that happen (as you said in your post that these incidents have reduced in frequency) and it does not cause any other health issues. give her some brochure to read up. If she is really THE ONE, this won't stop her from marrying your brother. If not, it was not meant to be.

every person has health issues OP. Some have diabetes, BP, spondylitis, or cholesterol and your brother has this. It will not become a big issue unless you, him and your family makes it out to be one.

By all means say the truth to the girl. She deserves to know it. But do not obsess over it.

Good Luck and May your brother find a great life partner

JustMyself · Sep 22, 2015

Best is for your parents to share the medical details orally to bride's parents in the presence of bride.

It may take a while for a bride to get settled, but I believe it is worth the wait. It is better you spend time to find the girl who is ready to accommodate the medical-issue of your brother, than hide now, and lead to commotions and fights later

Regards
JM

catwalk · Sep 22, 2015

Having a health issue is not a mistake or sin. Sooner or later the bride will definitely comes to know about it. It is not a good idea to hide it and proceed with the marriage. If you hide it, it would be a cheating.

Better tell it to the bride and her parents. If they are willing to accept it, proceed with the marriage. Such relationships built on trust and mutual understanding will last longer.

All the best.