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Need Help Regarding My Thought Process..

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Jun 13, 2018.

  1. Anabalas

    Anabalas Senior IL'ite

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    Yes, I completely agree with you. I feel disconnected when ever I visit India. I return to US with a heavy heart. Dreams of going back and settling in India after retirement keeps vanishing. You have expressed very well how most of us who have been here for a long time feel.
    Is it only ladies or men feel that way too ? My husband doesn't.
    He is perfectly fine here.
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    @anika987

    Honestly speaking, it depends on the kind of life style and people you lived with in your home country, and the people/life style you are presently living here in the US.

    For some, like you and me, the heaven is back at home.
    I've realized that way back when I repeatedly missed home and the life while living abroad. I tried my best to make up that lost happiness with a good money and life style upgrading. But in fact, I had an option to make good money and upgrade my life style without having to lose my happiness and family. Therefore, I choose this, and settled with this.
    As they say, the grass is always greener in the other side... I too feel at times whether my decision was right or not. But I eventually make up my mind by the recurrent happy events that I enjoy here with family.
    If at all, I miss abroad life style, I catch a place and go on a trip occasionally..., This way, I get the goods of both worlds.

    Like someone said above, it is a choice that you have made upon deciding every factor. There is no going back.
    If you miss India so much, then come home often, and enjoy whatever you are yearning for.

    But this is not the case for others. For ex... I have some friends who never had a close family circle, though they have many relatives living here. There was no fun, no attachment but only fights and problems in the family.
    There was not much interactions, and not much enjoyment to miss home.
    However, she had everything in abroad. A good group of friends and neighbors to depend on.
    A very good support system, and what not.
    Now she's got everything with a good salary and life style upgrading. What else she could ask for?
    She would never come back home....

    There was another family, who had a decent family back at home to live with. But there was no hope about finding a decent, and almost well-payable job to ensure a good life style here - if not equal.
    Although, they miss each and everything about home, they still chose to stay in abroad for money and life style.

    For some, the gap changes everything. Old friends, neighbors and the buddies who ganged up with you once may be no longer the same.
    If so, there is no point of coming back...
    If you are to look for new buddies here from the scratch, then why can't you do the same wherever you live now.
     
    September2015 and sindmani like this.
  3. September2015

    September2015 Bronze IL'ite

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    Why did you come to US if India is so great...?

     
  4. September2015

    September2015 Bronze IL'ite

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    Practical realistic answer :)

     
  5. September2015

    September2015 Bronze IL'ite

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    You got married. Before kids, there was your husband. That is who you spend time with when your kids are gone :) I'm hoping the two of you spend quality time together. If not-- do start and make it a regular tradition on a particular day of the week that you both agree with. Be close with your husband, so that even when you are elderly you will have much to talk about :) There's nothing worse than making only children your world, as children will lead their own lives and may not want to spend everyday with their parents which is understandable as they may have a marriage, career and kids of their own to manage and keep happy. Please don't make your happiness the responsibility of your children. My husbands parents do that and it has made our marriage difficult and miserable for years...so much so that I am not in contact with my in-laws. Read my posts...insanity is what it is...

     
    anika987 likes this.
  6. Jemma

    Jemma New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I had the same feeling when I was in US about 2 years ago. We came back coz I was not happy there.but you know what..we want the best of both the worlds and it is not possible. When I was in US, I was working there and life was very mechanic..I used to miss my domestic help the most after a long day at work. I used to miss talking to neigbors and freinds back in India..I used to miss all my relatives and envy people who used to put party pics on FB...

    I was'nt enjoying my stay there at all like you and by chance my husband's project got over and we got back...that is when the reality bites in....the moment I landed at airport..It was very hot and humid and chaotic...

    Didnt quite like it. Suddently things started settling in and now I wish we could go back..its not fun...In US, all that I used to think about was my self but back in India ..you dont get time for yourself at all..I hate the pollution here..the rush everywhere..I dont enjoy driving here and party also ..you go once in a while and then you get tired...plus no when I think about my kids future..I feel we were better off there..

    I would suggest that you be happy and positive about your stay there and you will start liking it all the more.
     
    SinghManisha, NeetaR and anika987 like this.
  7. Archana11

    Archana11 Silver IL'ite

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    My husband wants to stay here in USA. I already stayed 1 year in India without him. My Son who was 3.5yrs at that time was missing his Dad. So I had to join him.
     
  8. Archana11

    Archana11 Silver IL'ite

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    Very true. Sometimes I want to go back to India and stay near to my parents but when I think of pollution, traffic, quality of life and kids future, I drop the idea.
     
  9. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    +1
     
  10. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Silver IL'ite

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    "lose or gain?" is relative.
    Our whole family is here and I have been here more than 4 decades except for the one who lives life to the fullest in India as compared to all of us. He is married and happy and chose not to come to US. I truly am very happy for him.

    After 25 years, we went back to the place where we left from and met all old friends and saw their life style. After 25 years, we got used to being here and it was harder to make the decision to go back. Our analysis - there are pluses and minuses on both sides. One is no better than the other.

    If your children are still in grade school, seriously, consider going back. If your kids are born here, they are US citizens and they can always come back. By going back, you will give your children best of the both world and a choice for them to come back or stay in India.

    Most people who made the choice to go back are happily settled and they visit USA; in few cases children chose to come back to USA and some chose to stay back. The beauty of it was they have the choice and they got best of both cultures.

    You cannot BUY happiness by converting $$$$$ to Rupees.
     
    shravs3 likes this.

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