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Need Help Regarding My Thought Process..

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Jun 13, 2018.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I have to get rid of this thought which is itching for a long time.I have tried to be very positive for the past one year but on and off I get these thoughts..I would really like some help to change my thought process..

    I live a pretty good life atleast thats what I think.I go to gym,do lot of zumba,yoga,try variety recipes,have family nearby,naughty kid,nice husband and decent neighbors..

    1)However..I never had to inclination to work outside.I have worked for four years but it's just not me.maybe by god's grace I have a decent finance flow.Am I lazy?definetly not.I have lot of hobbies and take complete control of kids and house activities to keep me busy.However,I feel guilty at times for not "earning" money.

    2) I miss India and have started lot of threads regarding this BUT the real reason is not about food or temples or movies.I miss my buddies with whom I hang out every time and have a blast.we don't go just to malls and some food place but it's all parties, dance places, high class restaurants, wearing awesome clothes and all star hotels.It's like living a parallel world.a hi fi life.There..I said it.It feels good to dress up, hang out with like minded buddies, especially back in your home.Here.I just don't feel like going to the same old restaurants, tough to find like minded friends who has the same interests.people are good here but not the same. Everytime I see people in India and their instagram and facebook pics..I envy and feel off.I have to accept that.

    3) I have always felt secure in India and never worried about old age there.Here I feel what will happen once kids leave?When my kid is off to college,I will only be 50.I am so scared it might get lonely and this place lacks the hustle buzzle and that insecurity sometimes eats me alive.that is one of the major reason I want to run away to India. Honestly, otherwise no complaints being in usa.


    I feel a person can be complete only with..

    own country, job, friends, love, family, parties etc..I am sure everyone does not get everything and sometimes things are out of our control.Even now I have a chance to go back if I wanted.Hubby feels different but he will do anything for my happiness..however,I don't want to be selfish and snatch his happiness which he feels is here..kindly understand and tell me where I am wrong or right.I want to accept life as it is.

    Please do not judge me.I had to get this out of my system.I want to accept my life and go with the flow and relax..
     
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  2. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    U miss ur friends in India.that is only ur worry. So I would say is , when u visit India try to spend time with ur
    friends.
     
    September2015, anika987 and shravs3 like this.
  3. Archana11

    Archana11 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Anika,

    You are not alone, Im with you. I was working until 4 days before I boarded the flight to US. Sitting at home all the time is killing me. My mom used to take care of kids. I had plenty of time for late night meetings as well parties. Weekend parties as well. I dont have friends here even if i try to make its not easy. I still dont understand why its not easy. Here ppl already have a group and they prefer fun among them. Im waiting for a person who is new and likeminded so that I can have small talks daily or go out for walking in the evening. I miss India because I was totally independent. Whenever and where ever I wanted to go, just drop kids at mom’s place and hop on to my lovely scooty and just zooom....
     
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  4. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    @anika987,

    Nothing wrong how you feel about living in abroad. I also feel like it was a different life what I had in India...as if it was my previous jenma.

    If I recall, had a good care life in India, surrounded by families and good friends; Still my friends circle is active, they all are living within that circle of town. In fact, every one of them is in good position in their professional life. Tried to sync up with them on whatsapp group, I couldn't, it takes too much of my time! Eventually, I dropped out of their whatsapp group. Once in a while, they do call me on a conference call to wish me on birthdays. Their life style is way different, but see them enjoying the same friendship, we had few decades back.

    It is our own, 'thrisangu sorgam' (translation - universe between heaven and the hades—dangling in the middle); We ended up / chose to live here and have to make the best for our family.
     
  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    But are we missing a lot in life staying abroad?Somehow am not able
    To Convince myself fully that life is also
    Good abroad.

    Need more liveliness around..which I miss a lot!! Envious of my friends who are enjoying back there..I miss them a lot.

    Even if we go back,what will we lose or gain? Is it worth being here? Sometimes confusing
     
  6. shravs3

    shravs3 Finest Post Winner

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    Same here I don’t have any friends here . Been in US more than 6 months , either they are working or busy with kids. None of my age . Sometimes even I feel lonely I have even cried!
    And last but not least
    Grass on other side is always greener !
    People in India think people in foreign countries are living better .
    But people living here feel people living in India are having more peaceful life with friends and family , no visa tension etc
     
    sindmani and poovai like this.
  7. mangaii

    mangaii Gold IL'ite

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    Mind wants what it wants. From all your threads it looks like your happiness lies in India. Time to have a honest conversation with husband to discuss pros and cons of moving back and see if you can find a middle ground. Maybe husband can work for same company in India for a year or two before making final decision. I'm sure if given enough thought you will find a solution. You cannot cheat yourself of something you are not happy about.
     
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  8. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    @anika987,

    I live here for few decades. There is nothing left in India for me, except a few reminds like the Sarees, Jewellery, Indian sweets. With the air shipments, everything is available here.

    My son pointed to me that my way of thinking, rationalization are different and that often leads to the fight between my siblings and me. If I say something, I come across as an arrogant person by voicing my opinion to them. Slowly, I am sort of withdrawn from them for last few years. May be, I became bit hardened, distanced from my family in India? Friends, same way.... they are happy in their own world, I don't think... I can fit in to become one of them, any more.

    My people connections in India are like a lost world, to me.
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2018
  9. mangaii

    mangaii Gold IL'ite

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    @poovai she wants human connect not materialistic thing. What she wants is not available here.
     
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  10. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    The 'thrisangu sorgam' - stuck in the world where I cannot go back to be with them or move forward without them.
     
    Anabalas likes this.

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