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Need help all ladies

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by myangel, Dec 12, 2011.

  1. myangel

    myangel Bronze IL'ite

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Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> Am a regular reader of IL,not an active member…..I am in a very difficult situation,hope no one ever faced the situation like this,I need all your valuable inputs advise.

    Aged 34 yrs, completed PG in computer science, have come from middle class family, worked as a Lecturer after marriage resigned my job, having 2 yr old kid ,Husband works in IT. ours is a second marriage, mine first marriage was 10 days, after mutual I got remarried, husband he is havg kid, kid is not with him, he is from upper middle class family, we got married 3 yrs ago after marriage I took long leave and went 2 abroad with him,we were happy ,small small misunderstanding with us…he is very short temper,if he gets angry he’ll use very nasty words…..once I knew this,slowly I avoided arguments,,,,,but soon it’ll solved,he is guy very very close to his mom,his mothers sister,he is a very jolly person,he never thinks about future spends a lot,he smokes,drinks(all days),but he takes care of his healh,goes to gym ,playing ,I used to tell to quit smoking ,he said he’ll reduce…….then I came back 4 deleivery….after deleivery I went to his home,he came to see my daughter and went back…..i went there my kid was 21 days old,there problem started,my ML’s MOM created prob in everything,ML goes to office,she cooks ,I’ll take care of kid and cleaning work in home,she din’t allow me to use washing machine for kids cloth,I used to wash lots of cloth,mine was a c-section ,I did all work……….i was happy,mine ML is very dominating lady,middle age,she will come from office ,evening I used to dress up my kid,she comes and change that many times,she will find falut whaterver I do,beginning I din’t mind all this,financially am fully dependent on his parents,soon he came back from abroad,as usal things going,they din’t allow us to go my home town,if I go I should come back with in one week 2 10 days,every time they expected us to book a taxi to go to my home…..once he din’t get promotion in office,I casually said abt ths to my parents,for that he shouted like anything and hit me also,I said this to his parents,what they did,they called our parents,they came normally without knowing all,his mom,father,he himself started telling all silly silly things about me…like am keeping kids cloth outside,am keeping fan,light on,am not cleaning kids toys ,not cleaning kids diaper etc,,,I nevr expected this kind of from my ML,husband…..i was doing each and every work at home,somedays keeping kid I forgot to do things,this lady happily talking to me also,and insulted our parents also,my parents said them she(I’ll change),from that day took more attention n my work…………..when my kid was 11<sup>th</sup> month we went 2 abroad….now we were thinking about future savings etc,here again he stared drinking beer always,smoking also,he said he’ll take care of himself….slowly he started telling he doesen’t have any savings I should go for job,I asked him,past 4 yrs u have been in abroad ,don’t have any commitments,what did u did your salary,we will make a plan,he is getting 2000 pouds with Indian INR also,he said his mother will take care everything……arguments bt us,I asked hm to reduce expenses like drinkin g,going out etc,he was telling am(my self)also enjoying going out and eating………….he got angry,badly he hit me many times in front of kid,he threaten me he’ll call my parents at late night,I begged him,I don’t interfiier in your money matters like that……………we have decide I should go for job..even I tried ther but…din’t get …we came back..…I sold few household items,we did all cleaning to get back our deposit…I didn’t even took a single poud for me..i gave all to him…we left so many things…he ‘s fond of shoes he took one full suitcase of shoes……..… again problem problem…..we both have decided to do a course in IT(SAP)for my job,for that 25k I have to pay,he said we will take your money from FD,I askd him why we have to take from that,he is getting 9l per annum,you can give he said he don’t have….i consulted with my parents,initially they askd me to wait,then they said,my borther sad it’s your money,for your family you can take….prob went to his parents,I asked his mom why can’t he give from his savings 25k is not big amt for IT guy…he got back his house deposit in uk…..i mentioned this to his mom ane big argument bet us,from that day she din’t allow his son to sleep with me,he used to sleep in parents room,he’ll tell AC is there………..past 8 months he’s doing work from home,some times he’ll go to his base branch in blore he’ll stay at his brother home,after this pro he stopped talking 2 me,he’ll share everything to his mom,his aunty……like this it’s going………………we decide to do Mottai,Kadhu kthuu for kid,we invited everyone,3 days before diwali we had this function,on that day we were in van….my brother (married to his aunty’s daughter)shouted kid for something,soon his uncle came from front side and ahouted my brother,and my brother replied him,he got upset I was consoling him,his wife was blaming my brother,I said fault is your father not him…we were talking very politely,his (my husbands mom )came and shouted this that………..our relatives have come…we did function we went back his home,my brother went back his home for diwali…………..that day night I was asking my husband about his uncles behavior,before starting this I said him,it’s not an argument………..he shouted like me in bad words……and went out side of our room…………..the next day morning without informing all(my FLM,ML,aunty,uncle,his brother)all went to our village….and creted a very nasty scene about all mine,they were standing outside of street and shouting(including my brothers wife,his cousine sis),at one stage my brother asked them to leave our home,he said he’s taking care of his wife,kid,…….you go and see your family…………….meantime my parents called and said don’t argue anything with my hus,keep quite,I kept quite for 4 days….that Sunday I had fever I took tablet and slept,AF I had food and gave my kid,I was talking notes in my room,his mother was sleeping in her room(opp rooms),my kid was calling my brothers name and knocking the door,soon my hus came and shouted me to take care of kid,I said ahe is playing..suddenly his mother came and hit me (right side cheek)and pushed me in wall….i was shouthing why r u doing like this,soon my hus,FL,ML,grand mother surrounde me in that small room,I was shouthing and keeping my kid in hand,I tried 2 call my brother,she askd my hud to pull my mobile,he broken that,I don’t know wat to do I shouted th’ window….pulling moukito net,Sunday no one was there,then said if u don’t like me leave me I’ll go to my home,they closed the front door,side door…my kid started crying ,my husband forced me to give back kid,she was cryng a lot………..his aunty,uncle came,they were simply standing,am begging them to leave me,they din’t allow me,to stop my kids crying I gave my kid to my husband and came out from back(kitchen door with night dress, husband was telling go go)I cam out and walked to main street very one were looking, rain started…one small guy gave his mobile and I spoke to father,brother.they said don’t go anywhere we will come, meanwhile I went to local area councilor home,I satyed there for 3 hrs,they said his family is separate they don’t mingle, they had similar probe with pre marriage),my uncle came againg one hr they started complain me,they said simply I went his home to create prob,my unlce din’t tell anything,we asked them to leave me,kid for 10 days then we will discuss..i came back…after 10 days my uncle asked me to call my hus to discuss abt this,I called and said forget everything we will go separate falimy,he is not willing and keeps on telling faults about me,parent others………….i tried to convince…..no use..i spoke to his unlce……….finally they are threatening me to give my child back for one moth then they will take a decision….i asked my husband to give a solution for problem, he is asking my kid…………………..friends pl advise…I strongly said I don’t allow my kid alone, if u need I’ll come with my kid to your home else see a new house,freds really very much worried…and tired.my family ,friends everyone said sending kid is not a solution,it’s not good also……….friends pl need ur suggestions.

    Regards
    myangel
     
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  2. lalaja

    lalaja New IL'ite

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    There are lot of things going on in your life i hope all things gets settled in a way that works out good for all. i cant give any specific advice but to say just take some time and relax close your eyes and do some meditation.
    -
     
  3. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    Why haven't you gone to the police?
     
  4. Anyuna

    Anyuna Silver IL'ite

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    Even I don't know what to say,But don't let others abuse you this is 2011 you are an educated person get a job and be independent first.That itself will boost your morale then start tackling your problems one at a time.I will pray for you,take care.
     
  5. unhappywife

    unhappywife Silver IL'ite

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    Dear,

    I feel very sad reading your post. I was also brought up in Coimbatore.

    You are putting your kid in trouble by living in such a horrible marriage. Looks like your inlaws also physically abuse. Things will never change even if you move to a different state. Because your inlaws will definitely poison your husband some way or other (over the phone).

    Don't worry just because it is your second marriage. It is better to stay single rather than living in an unhappy marriage. It is not good for a kid to grow up in such a physically abusive environment. Please follow these things.

    Don't give the kid to them. If you do so, you will never get her back. Rather they will threaten you by holding the kid with them.

    Find a job. I am not sure about your education. It is better to have some job to stand up on your own. Once you get a job, you no longer have to rely on a man to support you financially. This will also bring in more confidence.

    Join Yoga class and Meditation. This will keep you at peace of mind.

    Forget about that man in your life. Don't force him for a separate family. It is not going to improve your situation. Its going to make things worse. A man who doesn't stand by his spouse will never do it irrespective of where he lives.

    Spend more time with your kid and divert your thoughts. Read positive books. Cheer up. Be happy. Forget about those wrong people in your life. This is not the end of your life.
     
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  6. Loving2011

    Loving2011 Silver IL'ite

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    Even if a woman is educated and has money, her fear, low self-esteem and feelings of helplessness cause her to stay. Once you feel better about yourself, it's easy to leave. If you choose to stay, I second unhappy wife. The book "RESPECT ME RULES" is great for helping people that are in abusive marriages. Therapists and support groups are great at helping you cope.

    Wish you all the best.
     
  7. godsgp

    godsgp Bronze IL'ite

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    My angel
    When you have been physically and mentally been abused by your husband and his family,there is no point in staying in this marriage.
    Take your child with you ,get a divorce,regain your confidence ,start working again.
    It will be at least in your best interest and your child as well .
    Forget about the social stigma and family pressures.Get in control of your life.You have already suffered a lot!
     
  8. anjananathan

    anjananathan Platinum IL'ite

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    dont worry .. don't give the kid.. if he is ready, go for marriage counselling and set it right.. if u find no hopes, get divorce and stay with parents.. since ur kid is girl, i think you can get a favor in court.. not sure though..

    i will pray for you.. be strong..
     
  9. ramyasuresh

    ramyasuresh Silver IL'ite

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    Dont give the Kid Myangel. Even they go legally a girl child should be with her mother only as per law.

    Search a Job and be independent. Leave your Husband. Let him be happy and u will be happy
     
  10. RJMK

    RJMK Silver IL'ite

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    Please please dont go back.Just imagining you in the siatuation as you mentioned in the podt wants me to kill your In laws...Its so disgusting.
    Stand up for yourself and set up an example for your daughter.A girl needs to be stronger emotionally then boys and if you go back into thjat house..You are doing the reverse to your daughter.
    Get your job back and be indepenedent.FIle a police complaint and throw them in jail..

    What is with this 2nd marriage question..Its a redundant issue. You and your life is more important the the society..
    Your in laws and your H are EVIL.
     

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