Need Guidance To Secure Myself

Topaz49 · Aug 7, 2018

dhivyacc said: ↑

My parents cant tolerate. That's what i should say.
From the initial days of marriage itself there are so much problems.
Also there are so many things where will I go, how will I manage everything etc. Then for children, it will become a separated family which is even more painful.

From day 1 he is not having good terms either with me or my parents.

I don't want to go away and escape leaving my rights.
I want to live in the same place , house and win.. Give me opinions and guidance..
What I feel is why should I leave after investing this much for my sons and parents.
If I go away and leave, they will tell so many things they wont tell any good in-front of me even to my sons.
My elder son even proved that they are wrong.
I want all the applicable rights.
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I am confused. When you had problem from the start why did you not resolve the issues before having children?
No man has right to abuse his wife and vice versa. I said vice versa because women also physically abuse their husbands or cheat on them; perhaps in fewer numbers. That said, you need to know what is important.

You write, "My elder son even proved that they are wrong." Do not get children involved in adults conflicts. Let the children be children. When they grow up, they have their share. If they have a good childhood, they draw strength from it in their adult lives. The environment is toxic for the upbringing of your children. Therefore, it is important for you to move away and fight for your rights later.

If you love your children, the impact of this on your children is more important than your investment or "why should I". You are doing for yourself and your children. Find a place of your own, perhaps, your moving away might bring him to the table for discussion if he wants to continue with this marriage. When you are distressed, you can't be good parent. Children need more than food, emotional well being, security and love.

yellowmango · Aug 7, 2018

dhivyacc said: ↑

I called PCVC and they spoke to me and they gave another contact.
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Talk to the number.
Ask what help they can provide if he gets violent again.
Keep the number on quick dial and keep phone handy all the time.
Inform some collegue about the violence .
If you have siblings...inform them.....or any close cousin.
Inform parents and let them know.They will be more hurt if you are hurt badly.

Then go home to your children .
Let him know you have informed parents and the helpline number.

Stay with your children and lock the room at night.

If you want to continue with this guy...ask him to attend marriage counselling and anger management classes.

yellowmango · Aug 7, 2018

Op....does he still hit your child?
Has he been hitting you regularly in front of your children?

If you ever need proof ,your children are your proof . So don't worry.

Talk to the helpline.
Go home and inforn that abuser you are no longer going to stand his abuses.

Find a lawyer and talk about your rights.
Hope you have financial control overvyour earnings.

YoGirl · Aug 8, 2018

dhivyacc said: ↑

I don't want to go away and escape leaving my rights.
I want to live in the same place , house and win.. Give me opinions and guidance..
What I feel is why should I leave after investing this much for my sons and parents.
If I go away and leave, they will tell so many things they wont tell any good in-front of me even to my sons.
My elder son even proved that they are wrong.
I want all the applicable rights.
Click to expand...

This!!!! Gave me goosebumps..
You are strong. You are not a quitter. I like the way you emphasize on getting the right thing done.

My only advice is: involve a friend or relative and keep them posted if there is trouble. Dont just keep everything to yourself. You need a place to lay low if needed.

dhivyacc · Aug 8, 2018

I informed his elder brother. and he said he will talk to him/ moreover , after two children , if going away means, the marriage is not meant for it , like that he advised. i told him , he hit me very hard. am very afraid and thats wy i want to leave. HE called my spouse and asked , for that he said what mistake she did ask her fully etc etc. whatever may be the mistake why your brother needs to hurt this much , thats what my question, i said. he understood my points and told to stay there itself and i will tell him like that he told. am not sure how much to rely.

But i told him that I dint voluntarily going away. Its because he hit me hard, am going. Asked two weeks time to settle the expense he asked.

I know my spouse never afraid of whoever it may be. He wants my parents especially my dad to come to home and talk and say sorry for what i have done wrong.
He says still you are living as ur fathers daughter. you dont know what husband means etc etc... i told him that i dint experience any love actually i love you more than my dad etc etc. for that he said am acting. Its happening for long time.

He never cares. what he and his family thinks is, for a girl if she has this much why not show our power to her.
in this month end, my sister's bro-in-law marriage is coming.
my sisssy just delivered and she is having 8 months old baby. she needs to undergo knee surgery for her ACL tear. so my parents support is highly needed for her.

All the acts are in favour of woman in India,,, but in the course of its applicability. There is no sufficient government mechanism..the government is also leave said things for the fate of victims...

Now that he spoke to my sister and told that I have done all wrong for the past 10 years. and he asked my sister and mom to come home for discussion

Topaz49 · Aug 8, 2018

I get the feeling there is more to the story. No matter what hitting is unacceptable.

SaiNiharika · Aug 8, 2018

dhivyacc said: ↑

My parents cant tolerate. That's what i should say.
From the initial days of marriage itself there are so much problems.
Also there are so many things where will I go, how will I manage everything etc. Then for children, it will become a separated family which is even more painful.

From day 1 he is not having good terms either with me or my parents.

I don't want to go away and escape leaving my rights.
I want to live in the same place , house and win.. Give me opinions and guidance..
What I feel is why should I leave after investing this much for my sons and parents.
If I go away and leave, they will tell so many things they wont tell any good in-front of me even to my sons.
My elder son even proved that they are wrong.
I want all the applicable rights.
Click to expand...

Hi
Same case with my mother.
Now her age is 55 still suffering from my dad.
She did not allow me to ask. Because it may spoil my family life.
She is suffering suffering.....
Daliy I think about her talk her.
She is alive for me.
She sometimes saying that I have to break the marriage in initial stage. now its time up. She also think same like u.Waited amy my father will change as per age.But no use

Topaz49 · Aug 8, 2018

dhivyacc said: ↑

Asked two weeks time to settle the expense he asked.

He says still you are living as ur fathers daughter. you dont know what husband means ...

... for a girl if she has this much ...

Now that he spoke to my sister and told that I have done all wrong for the past 10 years.
Click to expand...

what is about "two weeks time to settle the expense"?
Why he is telling "still you are living as ur fathers daughter"?
"she has this much" what?
What does he think went wrong in the past 10 years?

To resolve any issue, you need to understand what is frustrating him.

dhivyacc · Aug 13, 2018

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions.
It was a big talk with my parents after that he apologized and said it will not happen. But i could not believe.

Now that he is trying to pretend everything is normal but I could not behave like that.
I lost hope, but my parents suggest me to fight back.

In dilemma whether to continue or not. but for the sake of children am just being here.

Topaz49 · Aug 13, 2018

Topaz49 said: ↑

what is about "two weeks time to settle the expense"?
Why he is telling "still you are living as ur fathers daughter"?
"she has this much" what?
What does he think went wrong in the past 10 years?

To resolve any issue, you need to understand what is frustrating him.
Click to expand...

To resolve any issue, you need to understand what is frustrating him.