need comments: Final stage of breaking the marriage

History

Myself: Lower middle class family, I’m the only one in USA and lived 6 years in USA before getting married, was helping my family financially during this time, still my parents depend on me
Wife: Middle class family, siblings settled, parents have enough for retirement

Went to India to see possible alliance and went with my family to see the girl, looks okay but didn’t talk much, so I was not sure, does she like me or have any issues, so I told my family that I’m not sure, so they have arranged second meeting, this time I asked her, do u have any issues, is this with your acceptance, she said, whatever my father decides, again I asked her, what do you think, she said, “Yes from my side as well, but I wasn’t ready for marriage”, then I said, instead of getting married, how about get engaged and get married after few months, which allow us to get to know each other. She agreed, then we got engaged, at the time of engagement, there is no happiness in her face, so again I asked her, is everything okay, she said, my health was not well that day. Then after a week, back to USA

I called her to notify that, I have reached and I didn’t talk much, I didn’t call for 3 days, she called me and saying that she was waiting for my phone call, since then we use to talk over the phone, till marriage, thought everything is going well. Just before marriage and during the marriage, my family and their family had differences in opinion, not a fight though, her family told her about this and my family had told me all the small things, so not a happy marriage occasion, I tried to make it cool even though there are small issues, I left her and back to USA and she joined in couple of months, we had arguments for few months, she defends her family actions and I do mine, so I told her, they are happy back there, we are un necessary fighting for this small things and I was able to stop that arguments, even though she starts, I use to ask her to stop talking about wedding related issues.

At this point she was pregnant, so we were more focused on this and no arguments or issues, her mom couldn’t get visa, so I took care of her, even I was at home for 4 months, just to take care of her and baby.


1. When she was pregnant, doctor told us that, it is a baby boy, both of us really happy and she said, let’s not share it with anybody else( no out siders), let’s keep it secret, I did the same, I did not inform my parents, I told them, we would like to wait, we don’t want to find out, but she informed her parents ( so here my family is out siders), I could not put in the words appropriately
2. I did not ask for dowry or never talked about it, but her dad told us that, she would give a house to her, but never did, which I never worried about it, but she goes around and tells the friends that, she got the house as dowry.
3. when baby was young she visited India, at this time, she doesn’t want to visit my parents until I come to India, so I went there after few months, even when I was there, she doesn’t want to visit my parents, because her brother wedding, I waited until wedding, then she said, I can’t until reception, and I suppose to return after reception, and I told her, there is no time after reception, so what should we do, she said, I don’t care all that, my brother wedding is more important.
4. I asked her to call my mom and talk to her, when she find time, she doesn’t want to call, she says, if you want me to talk” call her and give me the phone, I will talk to her” I said what is the difference you call her or I call and give a phone to her, so no relation between my family and her, she fight all the time says, I don’t want to have relation with your family and I don’t want you to have relation with my family, and next day, she says, my dad wants to talk to you.
5. In one conversation, I said, when we do some process, we will change your last name so that it will be consistent, and she doesn’t want to change her last name!!!
6. When she is back to USA and , I asked to her to go to school or work, so that that make her open up, she got admission into school, and right away called her parents and asked her to come over, without even asking me, she wanted me to send money to India for tickets, I didn’t want to mess things up, so I sent money, and parents visited, her dad was here for a month and left, her my was here for 6 months, she showed the hell to me, she was okay when her dad was here, ASA he left, she was so rude and daughter supporting mother. This is the time I was on bench, what a situation god created for me. Last two months I didn’t talk to them
7. My kid was really sick and kid needs both parents, so I was completely compromised and tolerating whatever she does and behave, because I want to give the best to my kid, even though all these are happening, I tried to keep my kid away, and always made my kid happy
8. Now my kid need better environment, so I bought a home, and she knows my financial situation,( I gave all my savings to her family to buy some properties) so I bought this home with all left over thing, and kind of broker, she called her parents and asked them to come over on the occasion of new home, I didn’t want them, I told them, this is not right time, she didn’t listen, as soon as they come, they are suggesting to buy some furniture etc. I told them I just got home, I will buy one at a time, they say ok, and next day they talk about same thing, my wife keep comparing in the neighborhood and she is feeling insulted without furniture. So on loan and I bought all the furniture


So what is my main problem, she wakes up and get ready and call her parents and siblings, If she has time, I will get breakfast, otherwise jai ho cereal  get some lunch box, evening spend time with kid or calling family or watching TV, no time to even have dinner with me, no intimate relation, that happened may be once a month, that to if she has mood. It’s like I’m providing, boarding, lodging, buying cloths, gold, just because she is mother of my kid and wife in the eyes of society

You would ask me, why are you thinking, why not divorce her, answer is my KID, he will have mother or father only one, I told about this to her, every time, she says, I will try to make it up, now we will have new start, every time, I spend hours together to explain, when situation comes, she is back again.

I could not put all my issues in words, but at least I’m able to express this, please feel free to ask me any questions or feel free to bash me, but with questions or positive criticism

Thank you for spending your time and I do appreciate it.

 

Priya,

Thank You for your reply, what i did was, i discussed with my brother, no use
so when her parents came last year, i explained her dad, what are the issues, how things are going on, her dad told me to send her to India and he will fix it, she went there for two months and came back with her father, he said, it would be good now, i thought things are getting better, her mother joined after 2 months, situation is back, during this time, she has fun her parents and talk to me when need base, when i told her, i can't continue like this, she is OK to go to her parents, she thinks, she doesn't have to do any chores, if she is with her parents and she can live with out any responsibility, she is okay to leave the kid with me or she is ready to take with her, so that her parents would take care of the kid

 

I did the same thing for long time, she doesn't care, she cooks and feeds the kid and eats and sleeps

 

Thank You for the advice, but i never took a penny from them, so i have nothing to worry.

 

how, i never asked for dowry and i never took dowry and i did not take any other way as well, fact is, i spent more for them, so how can it be a problem would you please explain.