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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by strei, Jun 9, 2019.

  1. strei

    strei New IL'ite

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    Alert long post. please bear:

    Married for 10 years with two beautiful kids. This mess started about last year. we are abroad and due to some financial litigation, my husband was behind the bars. He told his side that he is going on a trip, was able to call twice then no more calls possible. after some days they started calling him suspecting that something is fishy. He asked me to not to tell them anything moreover in history twice the same happened for short period I talked n lied to them giving excuses, they talked to me and showed ok as they r convinced but kept on calling him. so this time which was going to be some months I asked him not to lie and tell the truth and I was not ready to support his lies anymore as according to my family is there to be in all good and bad. All this time one of my side relative helped us in managing home n work as well as legal things. All this time his side tried reaching him earlier thinking being on a trip then to reach him. It was approx 20 days.no body inquired about me/call me or my kids from his side.
    Now finally husband told his father all real story. Then also no call to me/kids. No mention even but asking all details from my relative who was helping because he was my side.I really got pissed with this attitude of theirs.My MIL bitching to my husband about me even in this situation that I am not calling her and talking and fil sitting beside and supporting her in spite of knowing the situation here. I heard all talks in person as I was on concall n she never knew this. my relative was also shocked to hear all this.

    now fast forward after my hubby was back immediately after days inlaws call n ask to come to us.(i especially asked fil to not make any program at least for 6 months. of course all expenses born by us) They come here. on the day they came, i was down with my dates but went to receive as not wanted them to feel bad.next day also went for an outing. but the third day I was really tired n told my mil in the room that pls don't mind my not coming as I am not feeling well. after tomm, I will come with you all. hubby was not at home that time (my mil is partial paralytic, I use to bath her, put clothes n all n get her ready.) I asked her as she don't take it otherwise as I have all the household chores(no maid), two kids, school( picking dropping), kids, their exam, moreover now in-laws with sugar, bp all so cooking a little different too. kids eat what they eat regularly. My hubby comes and mil comes out of room finishing the talk with me, as soon as see hubby starts saying" Ohh why u r not coming? it was so nice if you could come and all showing hubby as she is so sweet and asking me to come but I am being rude not coming along. I told that time itself that i m not well I told you. here, husband, a pure mama boy without even asking me what happened to you started yelling and saying ok" leave her. let's go. she is very tired let her rest.. in taunt in front of my kids n inlaws.. we will take my employee along.
     
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  2. strei

    strei New IL'ite

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    Continuation:
    They went took the employee and went for outings. That day onwards my husband never asked me to come along whole 3 months they stayed carrying his employee all along and i never saw mil asking him to take me and i never asked him as in between mil played many mean games and very happily roamed around with hubby ,employee(she) n. many times kids too along. i did all the chores right from preparing meals 4 times dishes, cleaning, kids pick drop .their studies, assignments, mil chores (changing clothes, bathing, combing.) Now this employee my husband heard from her that she knows massage so use to get her daily home for mil massage n then they both use to go to drop her home. here daily hubby asked me to prepare snacks for her as according to him she was doing so big favour to him. sometimes he use to bring tea from out but only for him, mil n she.mil enjoying the pampering and not at all bothered about his own son home wrecking. infact told her clearly to say no to her son to not to bring her said ok infront of me n another moment sweetly asking her when are you coming ?, you dont want to see me? i was a fool totally naive to all these cheap tricks..

    Had whole lot of fights, issues during their stay. lots of bitterness. now even after a year its almost the same as whtsapp, fb all is their. in this whole year we never got intimate. some months back his mother fell nd got hospitalised. we were still in debt. arranged all money no body from his side helped though sweet talks were going on n still are. i sold what i had n collected a gud amount n he was able to go back to country to see his mom.
    now what i had noticed in the meanwhile that my hubby is sharing all the family issues with this employee. he dont talk to me but to her. i call him for lunch but he says i dont know where i am, so i will hv outside while have his lunch daily with this lady. in between he took lunchbox then also asking for more food saying he is feeling more hungry. i confronted him that you are taking for that lady then he agreed calling her poor/bechari have only 1 chapati. she is non indian, single.lives with other 2 girls. I asked him that let her arrange hers its not your duty n i will not give for her daily. once in a while its ok. now he stopped asking for tiffin and even on calling not coming home.i know he is having lunch with her moreover he taunted me that she did everything for his mom.
    I was really hurt as all those days (i was severe 8-hemoglobin)anemic-diagnosed later)did all chores. they use to come late 11 or 12 at night food was ready, just lying watching tv n having. dropping that girl with her dinner as she went out with them but if it's me then ohh my mom has sugar ,bp, outside food don't suit her , you cook even if its 12 midnight. whole day mil use to just sleep as in evening she can go for outing.
    i just have one question. where am i wrong???
    i suspect some thing going on between my hubby n that lady. i asked him. n as expected he denied but i cannot digest the way he takes her side n cares for her each thing. food , any requirement, anything minor will take to docter, talking his feeling/ personal family stuff to an employee. who does this?
    please guide me what to do? am i reading too much?
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2019
  3. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Wake up ! Your husband is having an affair even if he denies it. You are being treated like a employee while she is being treated like a wife.
    What should you do ? Fire the employee right away. Send in-laws back while you work on this marriage with your husband. Tell him he needs to break all connections with the employee.
    What is your husband upto ? Behind bars, then having an affair and with no respect for you. What sort of a role model is this guy to your kids ?

    If you let others treat you shabbily, they will go on. You have to take a stand. Your family sounds supportive. Raise a stink about this.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2019
  4. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    What do you want - Stay or leave this marriage? Will you ever be able to love him ? Whatever it is , you need to set the boundary. Have you talked to your husband on this issues. Look like he is getting lot of massage from his employee. I think he is under the impression that you will never leave him and tolerate all these non sense. It's high time for you to be independent and think about the options you have in life.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2019
    Vaikuntha, Anusha2917 and strei like this.
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    You should have left him in jail.

    Stop doing anything for him.
    Cooking ,laundry, whatever...
    Tell him to get it done from his mistress.

    Why did you spend your savings on this pathetic guy and his pathetic mother?
    Stop using your family to help him .
    Save your money and family 's goodwill.
    Tell your family about him and his misbehavior.

    Find a lawyer and divorce this pathetic guy.
    Get him to pay alimony and childsupport or he can be comfortable back in the jail.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2019
    sbonigala, Vaikuntha and Shreema86 like this.
  6. strei

    strei New IL'ite

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    Thanks for the reply dear.. inlaws went back some time. no talking terms with them. had a big fight then discussion. came to know that inlaws have feeded him whole loads of lies and emotional drama. he blindly trust them n they are taking full advantage of that. this is the reason of his anger.i am starting to go to office and watch for some time. then will decide.
     
  7. strei

    strei New IL'ite

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    Thanks for the reply dear.. inlaws went back some time. no talking terms with them. had a big fight then discussion. came to know that inlaws have fed him whole loads of lies and emotional drama. he blindly trust them n they are taking full advantage of that. this is the reason of his anger.I am starting to go to the office and watch for some time. then will decide. The jail issue was as someone ran with the money not his fault though.
    My family knows all now. will check more a little then decide.
     
  8. strei

    strei New IL'ite

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    Thanks for the reply dear.. inlaws went back some time. no talking terms with them. had a big fight then discussion. came to know that inlaws have fed him whole loads of lies and emotional drama. he blindly trusts them n they are taking full advantage of that. this is the reason for his anger.I am starting to go to the office and watch for some time. then will decide.
     
  9. strei

    strei New IL'ite

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    Hi, dearies thanks a lot for your answer. inlaws went back a long time. I am in no talking terms with them. had a big fight then discussion today. came to know that inlaws have fed him whole loads of lies and emotional drama after reaching. He blindly trusts them n they took full advantage of that. And I can relate as after they have gone he was being fine & in all these years I never had an issue. This is the reason for his anger. I am starting to go to the office and watch things. warned him already to maintain a proper distance n decorum with her. he told that he has started eating out as he finds it little awkward to eat but not share.. will see.. reason for taking her all was mil being on wheelchair needed a female help, especially for the washroom, uses on outings. that is correct..

    had a heart filled discussion and told and heard everything and warned him of separation too.. i hope it gives him some senses as he loves kids a lot.
     

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