I already put up a lot about me and now started feeling that everyone know me and feel little scared of discussing more. Still again came here as I cannot find anything on my own. I will try to put up everything clear. I always was a non observant and non active person. My father is too overprotective. He used to serve everything on a proper plate to me. Many times I showed him my disagreement and tried to make him understand that let me learn something in life. Don't run after me all the time. But he had a feeling of protecting me and was thinking of giving me the facilities to ease my life. All of my words were ignored as child saying unknowingly and parent know better. I was an average student completed my studies which was never an easy task for me. Still somehow I managed to complete my MCA. But being ignorant I never worked hard on it and everyone knows IT field requires lot of efforts. Still I got a job and not able to settle there and left. After that did nothing fruitful in next one year and then got married. Struggling with many issues from the time of marriage. Be it my mil my pregnancies my kids got ill relationship with my h and other ils. Everything was just too much for me and I never got any time to think about my career. Even if I think about it I do not find any solution. I forgot all studies that was not done too purposefully not an outgoing person kids are small h don't want me to do anything to earn. Still when I get more free time I get depressed of thinking about what I am doing and where I am going. I want to come out of the shell, live my life earn a lot and spend a lot. But cannot find any path. It may end up with nothing fruitful because of me who's too careless. I am not looking for an instant solution or miracle from you people but just want to know about myself do I have any chance left or there is nothing for my kind?
Dear op Every person cannot be software engineer or doctor. Every profession is important and valued Every body is blessed with some skill, check what you are good at and try to do job in that field. So you will come out successful.. Like Beautician, Teacher, Catering, Artwork, Doing jewelry.. If you tell which country/state you are and if you are willing for full time or part time work.. If your main focus income or just being occupied can suggest more..
Monika, You are at crossroads. Your present circumstances are not totally favourable for gainful occupation. Looks like you are pretty unhappy with everything in life. This happens to many women. Instead of getting worked up or frustrated, use this period till your children are a couple of years older to explore yourself and your various options and possibilities. A confused mind will not help you to spot any opportunity. Relax, enjoy your kids, work on your fitness: mental as well as physical and strengthen your bond and position in the family. Definitely you will find your calling when you are calm and composed. All the best, dear.
I think you are looking for some sort of change, not necessarily starting a career. So what if you are not very motivated to pursue a career ? You are managing a home, two young kids , a busy husband , a demanding MIL. So you have a lot on your plate right now. Agree with Geeta , try to relax, take a deep breath and see how you can make things better and efficient on the home front. Once that is sorted see if you still want to pursue a career. If you don’t want to that’s fine , don’t judge yourself harshly for that.
@Sandycandy You used the right expression, 'don’t judge yourself harshly for that.' Monika berates and underestimates her nice aspects often. @MonikaSG, such doubts cross everyone's mind unless one has a very satisfying life/lifestyle. All are not equally blessed. Acceptance is the first step to change and you have already achieved that. Now identify what suits your temperament and circumstances, and go for it.
Thanks a lot for these words. I may be harsh but I actually feel low about myself a lot. And with present set up I am becoming more dumb day by day. I couldn't do even a minor change on regular basis as no one cooperate me for anything. Kids are small and do their dramas and h says don't take tension do as much as you can do easily. I feel helpless as I want to manage lots of things properly. Many things I did after a lots of efforts and many are yet to accomplish. At this stage I can't do anything more. I too don't want to start a career and go for a job daily. As with my past experience I learned that I cannot adjust anywhere with my behaviour. I take everything as it is but the world is too smart to take in depth various meanings of almost everything. I feel that if I go out I will lose my peace of mind as I will not be able to come out of my straight forward behaviour and others too will not able to accept me as it is and put up a lot of problems for me. At the same time I want to do something fruitful that can grow my mind and personality. I am giving tution to one small kid. He is too dumb as he got kota admission in big school and his parents are not very much educated. I am working hard on him and trying to put him out of his failures that will help him in near future and do further studies properly. But for him too taking out separate time is not easy daily. My kids go to him do the naughtiness and disturb him. Still somehow managing. When I am busy I think nothing much just about the task in hand and when free I try to feel relax and could not take something constructive to do like reading book etc. Said too much. OK I am not editing anything. The main point is you are right I cannot do anything at present but still feel helpless of not being able to do anything. Time may solve some issues.
Nah! It won't solve anything. It will only lull and numb you into adapting to your situation but won't alter your situation. That is reconciliatory in a way but if you really want to do something, and willing to raise the stakes and sweat, then now is the right time when you are agitated with self-doubts. Where am I going? What am I doing in life? Two things could happen: (1) A decade down the line you could still feel dispirited in this rut and moan similar. (2) You will raise above your conformation and ability and turn back and wonder about this post you wrote in 2018. I have known many women who frittered away in (1) for years because that impetus never actualised into anything substantial to forge a renascence of their aspirations. Well, this unrest will go away. Don't let it go. Capitalise on that feeling to rework your self-worth and happiness. Aim for (2). Our man Leonardo da Vinci once proclaimed: why go to the water-jar when you can go to the fountain. What did he mean by that? Well, he meant that nature is generous and amenable with resources to facilitate self-motivated growth. If you are devoid of opportunities that induce personal growth in the form of scholarly education and fetching employment you can still take things in your hand and be an autodidact and tap into that cultivated growth from a different angle. Our sauerkraut eating Germans further pondered on this and came up with a fanciful concept called "Bildung". The term Bildung, the concept of education becomes a lifelong process of human development, rather than mere training in gaining certain external knowledge or skills. Such training in skills is known by the German words Erziehung, and Ausbildung. Bildung in contrast is seen as a process wherein an individual's spiritual and cultural sensibilities as well as life, personal and social skills are in process of continual expansion and growth. Bildung is seen as a way to become more free due to higher self-reflection. Are you with me? If that "Erziehung" and "Ausbildung" [professional esteem] is beyond reach owing to circumstantial or other reasons, focus on that self-driven "Bildung" to develop cultural and social sensibilities. How? People might tell you to start some hobby. Some unconcerned and fitful hobby won't remediate the situation. You need to use that hobby as a wilful stringer to climb the rungs of your "Bildung". Did I lose you? Select a hobby and pursue it with dedication and vitality. Say, singing, learn music, trace the history of music, read about music, network with other music junkies, chart your progress in that hobby. Though blithely listening to music may instantly fill the rankling void, it won't help you to steadily work towards obliterating the void. Throw your passion and spirit into it. Movies? Climb your way up: bolly, holly, indie, french wave, german expressionist. You won't understand anything on the onset. Plod away! Persist! Keep going. You may be daunted, you may be intimidated but keep going. Where are we? The whirlpool of emotions you are going through need disciplined sails to chart a course to a fulfilling awakening in you. Many fail to source anything transformative out of their confusion. If you want to, if you will to, turn your life around with conscious planning. Don't neutralize this introspection as another of those silly perturbations in life. Bildung is one simpler and ready approach of polishing one's cognitive and reflective growth to deal with constraints arising in scholastic or professional undertakings. Repeat, (1): tranquillising this self-doubt with time is not an inferior strategem. (2): ascension of self-doubt over time is a rewarding and worthwhile crusade.
Thanks dear....what you said is so meaningful and worthy. That's true that right time can never come on its own if we cannot start our efforts today. I am getting little confidence with this. When I had to lose weight I started yoga no matter how difficult it was I did it as I desperately wanted to do. I need to take out that desperation that is bounded by many other things. These things will remain same. Once the kids become old I have to give more time to their studies and also some extra activities that they may do. Time will never come out on its own. I am not sure what I will start and when but your post gave the the courage and the path that I was looking at for long. I really was looking forward to your reply and feeling very much satisfied with this. @GeetaKashyap and @Sandycandy thanks for your reply. I always look at both of you for all my doubts and confusions and like the way you both take all the issues. @sumalynux thanks for showing your concern. What you said is very true. Not everyone can be doctor or engineer. Everyone has their own qualities and will work on finding out my quality for which I can further work upon.
Dear Monika, To me ,it looks like you self confidence has taken a beating with your past experiences and you are still hanging on it and not willing to bring any change. Having a career or choosing to stay home should ONLY be your decision and I don't see anything wrong with women not willing to start a career. Staying home and raising kids is the hardest job and many find it very fulfilling that they are willing to give 100% of their time and attention to kids. Working women have their own share of struggles and managing kids and work comes with a lot of sacrifices. If you are happy being with kids, take pride in it and enjoy this time. How do you assume this?We all acted differently in the past but time and age teaches us a lot so how you interact with others now may not be same as your past experience. Unless you step out of your home and interact with few people outside, you will never know. You are just making assumptions based on your past experiences and that itself is limiting your true potential. Is there any hobby/interest that you would like to pursue? It will be worthwhile to step out of your home for few hours a week, leave the kids home with H , breathe some fresh air and meet real people. Don't go with the assumption that everyone will like you and that's normal. Focus on what you like and stick to like minded people while ignoring the rest. Just think that you are better than them and it's their loss if they don't like you Start with some small goals . It could be a hobby, diy projects, taking workshops on developing social skills or anything. Give it a timeline and work diligently towards it. Let's just say, you decide on doing 15 mins of headstand everyday and by the end of 3 months, you should be able to do this pose without any help. Once you experience success in small goals, you will feel a sense of accomplishment and more motivated to take on bigger goals in life. Start small and try and accomplish them because it will help you feel better about you and the world around you. You are already doing a lot in present by raising happy, healthy kids and giving full time and attention to them.Don't berate yourself by underestimating all that hard work that goes into it. It looks like you are just self loathing for nothing when you are capable of doing so much more. Going by your first post, you say you were an average student yet managed to complete your MCA so please give yourself a pat on your back. Just change the way you think about yourself and tap into your inner reserves and you will know you are capable of so much more than what you think about yourself!
I do have a low self confidence and feel low easily by looking at other smart persons. But working on this and now at least I am able to talk normally to everyone no matter how smart that person is. At least at present I cannot look myself as career oriented and cannot go out for job. My kids need my full attention and cannot leave them on anyone else. No one else in this world can take better care of them than me. I may be spoiling them by doing over pampering but I just like to do this. I will start with small goals. Working on what to do in my mind and already started a little. And completing MCA was also an achievement very true. Will work more on myself. Thanks a lot for showing concern to me. I am really getting hopeful about myself by looking at all the replies.
