1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Need Advice On Convincing Dh

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by pinky2cute, Sep 6, 2018.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    949
    Likes Received:
    1,060
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi all,

    As from my last post you all know after a long battle we are shifting. Now the drama is that he is being made to feel guilty by his parents for deciding to live separate. And they are constantly brainwashing their son using emotional blackmail that his wife is separating him from them etc.

    (P.S. they live in city B, we are shifting to city C as luckily dh got a good job offer ...while my parents are in city A).

    Now coming to the problem, despite inlaws emotional blackma, dh knows that i will not accept to invite them over. But now and then he keeps indirectly indicating that he wants his parents with him.

    The present issues are -

    1. Dh expects to bring inlaws to our new house when we shift indicating as the need for having them for house warming celebration (though as it is rented house and we would just boil milk and do small puja).

    2. As all know here I have a pending surgery to be done which got delayed due to my issues in blood reports plus all this drama of shifting out.
    Dh hinted many times asking me if i get surgery done who will help me as i have to be in bedrest for a month and he has new job so he cant cant off n his working hours will be 8am leaving home till 8pm when he comes back home.
    He wants home meals n his parents are putting this in his ears who will cook for him if even i get surg done there and be in bedrest.

    So i am scared that if i come bck to my parents place for surgery and take 1month bed rest...heay invite over his parents to help him taking care of house n cooking which i dont want.

    If i get it done there also still dh 99% will invite hid parents as even if i will be with him i hv hv be in bedrest fr a month and cant do any work.

    Chances of calling my old mother to come tkcr of me is not possible as she has herself comeout of a prolonged hospitalisation and needs care herself.

    3. I am thinking to get surgery done at my new home only and hire a cook and a nurse to care for me for a month but considering we are to shift to a new place and new house and all the expenses of shifting settingup new home plusy surgery (which still i donno if my dh can afford or not)..
    Its difficult financially to hire as well as physically to search for them in a totally new place.


    I do not want inlaws at any cost to come to our new house. In my absence they will take entire charge over and i wont be able to shoo them off.

    After a long battle and accuses for being a home breaker, separsting son from parents etc...i have stood firm and earned this freedom....
    Not sure how to handle it....managing my.surgery and yet convincing husband to not bring inlaws.


    PlEase help
     
    Loading...

  2. radv

    radv Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    412
    Likes Received:
    449
    Trophy Points:
    125
    Gender:
    Female
    Let your husband join his new job. You go to your parents place and get surgery done. Take rest there. Then come to your husband’s town and rent out your new home. Your husband doesn’t have to worry about looking after you. He is a grown up man, can take care of himself for a while.
     
  3. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,727
    Likes Received:
    3,242
    Trophy Points:
    335
    Gender:
    Female
    Do you have any close relative or friend who can stay with you for that one month?
     
  4. peet1983

    peet1983 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    141
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    Hi, i think while writting this post itself, you knows thats you don't have any option left out tackle the situation. I'm not aware wats happened in past, but one thing I can say that, living with inlaws on there house and inlaws are coming to your home which you setup is totally different..Inlaws won't get the feeling that it's their own house and you always will have positive thought of its my house. That will make a lot of difference.. Let them come and stay during your surgery, and most probably they won't stay back after that..
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  5. DXBDesi

    DXBDesi Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    52
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Why does it bother you if your DH' parents stay with him while you stay with your own parents, if it is for just 1 month ?!
     
  6. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,922
    Likes Received:
    9,155
    Trophy Points:
    460
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Pinky,
    After having undergone so any issues, you should be stronger now. You are a medical professional and you know the seriousness of your surgery but practically speaking, most women get back to routines within a week (with minimal help) after major surgeries like caesarian delivery, hysterectomy +bso etc. Necessity is the mother of invention; hire a full-time maid and a cook or arrange tiffin service during this period. You will be able to pull off the event without any stress. At your age, you can recover faster too. Don't miss this great opportunity to bond better with hubby by having his or your parents at your new home. Just think how you would have managed if you stayed abroad and manage the issue bravely.
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  7. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    949
    Likes Received:
    1,060
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi geetha,
    No, my surgery is a major one involving bone so I should not and would not be able to getup from my bed nor should put weight and walk for 1month.
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2018
    GeetaKashyap likes this.
  8. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    949
    Likes Received:
    1,060
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    It does bother. U may not know my past issues so u wont know. They are evil people who robbed my peace from day1 of marriage
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  9. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    949
    Likes Received:
    1,060
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    I agree but my inlaws are different. They just want to takeover entire control of our lives. Maybe I'm too apprehensive after all that they did in past.

    Just imagine on being a guest in your own house with even your own bedroom not being your own with inlaws taking over that too keeping all their stuff in the room and using it as their room ...this despite they having their own room.

    There are million other issues.

    Now that I'm finally getting to setup my own home with my dh....i m scared to let them in so soon without me n my dh 1st settling down.
     
  10. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    949
    Likes Received:
    1,060
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Unfortunately no :'(
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page