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Need advice: My lil angel goin away frm me :-(

Discussion in 'Infants' started by RajshreeAkku, Mar 8, 2011.

  1. RajshreeAkku

    RajshreeAkku Silver IL'ite

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    Hi...

    I m writing this letter wid tears in my eyes... sorry may be this a long one...

    we both are working n our angel is 2 yrs old (tobe 2 yrs in April)... DH's younger bro (staying with us) is getting married and my MIL wants us to be together (all 4- we both and BIL-his wife) after mrg...

    Dont think that being together is the problem for me.. Let me complete the info first...

    My parents are statying in the same town (nr our house) n this is very helpful for us to leave our DD with them everyday (as PILs stay in other town)...

    Now the problem is, my BIL n co-sis office is far from this place (takes 2 hrs journey) and for both od us(me n hubby) not too far (1 hr). My BIL wants to shift to nearby location where it wil br near for both of them. (He is not forcing us to come there though).. But my MIL is asking us to go there and live with them (she thinks we shouldnt leave newly married couple themselves!!! donnno why??!!! & that location is near to my ofc also) and leave my DD with PILs... (other town).... (she has also told that u can leave ur DD with ur parents

    My mothers place will be far if we shift the house near ofc... ( we can only see our child in weekends)

    PILs will be joining us to stay with us forever in the next yr (after my FILs retirement)... Till then my angel shud be with them only... (or may be wid mother, anyway far frm me...)

    I dont want to leave my daughter and sacrifice one yr of my enjoyment of her childhood,...

    As i have regd for a professional Course, (Chartered Accountancy) I need time to study for it also. My MIL Is mentioning that u wil get time to study also, if u leave ur DD with us and it wil be near to ur ofc also, u can save time.

    I know she is right but I dont want all this at the cost of my daughter,,,

    I am in a dilemma.... sometimes I feel to OKAY my MILs decision and sometio=mes I feel "NO, I want to stay wid my angel. CA can be done any time"...

    Again things come in my mind that if she grows up it will be too difficult for me to study... :idontgetit:

    Plz help me in decinding what to do...

    Need this very urgently as they are forcing me to tel my decision to shift the house before May...:cry:
     
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  2. swaran

    swaran IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Rajshree Akku...
    i can understand your state of mind....balancing home and carreer is very much difficult and requires lot of compromises
    Few suggestions from my side
    (1)why dont you ask your MIL whether she too can shift along with you both to the new place so that she can take care of your LO...tell her the issues that run on your mind ,convience her and take her along...i guess that would be a better option....
    (2)this is not possible,tell your MIL that you people would shift when they too do as you are not fine leaving DD and staying away
    (3)again this is not possible,if you are fine,look for a day care nearby the new place
    (4)this too not possible,then if its fine with your office,start workFromHome and arrange a nanny and you and DH take turns in doing this WFM
    (5)4th too not possible,you and your DH talk with your BIL and co-sis about your LO's issues and ask them to adjust for sometime(till next year maybe) by staying at the same place(as they are at present)..if you have a proper communication with your BIL,i guess this would work out...
    (6)none of these are possible,yes you would have to leave your DD with her GP and shift or cancel your study plan and take appropriate steps

    Whatever may be the running on your mind,talk with your H and take proper decision...you should not repent later....you still have a month's time

    All the best!!!!!!!!!!
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2011
  3. Aadhusmom

    Aadhusmom Gold IL'ite

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    Tough situation...I wont tell you what to do but if I were in a similiar situation this is what I would do. I wouldnt leave my child with a GP (whether mother or MIL is irrelevant to me) for 24x7 care unless I was too sick to care for the child myself or there were some other extreme circumstances where there was no other option. I would first of all talk to my DH about this and what his mother is suggesting and make sure we both agree on a decision (one which does not mean being seperated from the child) and then get him to convey that to his mom. As for BIL and his wife its their call about moving isnt it? Just like they want to do whats convenient for them you and DH do whats best for your family thats all. If the ILs are moving to your city next year then at that time you can all plan your living arrnagements togther; by that point your DD will be going to playschool anyway and the amount of care she needs will have decreased.

    Vanathi.
     
  4. RajshreeAkku

    RajshreeAkku Silver IL'ite

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    Hey

    thank u for hte replies dear Swaran & Aadhusmom, for ur kind words and suggestions... I m glad that I have angel friends lik u who understood my situation...

    swaran I cant ask my MIL to come here as my FIL wil get alone there... he is a heart patient n needs some1 to be wid him,,, he is not ready to give voluntary retirement & come wid us.... we have left it after forcing him for long time,,,
    & we have tries all the points which u mentioned:) before itself,,, & BIL is not worried abt his travelling...


    Vaanthi, thanks for such a practical suggestion. Actually we were deciding the same plan which u suggested. (live seperate now and be together when ILs come here)... Ithink this wil be the best!! Atleast we can Njoy for a yr... Later have to be in a Joint family... :drowning

    Love
    Rajshree
     
  5. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    You poor dear! My suggestion is not going to be any different from the others here.

    Anyway, here is what I would request MIL, if I were in your shoes. Since you really want to be close to your child, tel her that there is no option called, "leaving away my child with MIL or mother". As for staying with BIL and his wife, they will have to adjust for just 1 year till your inlaws shift. They are adults, they dont need you. Your child needs you the most. Convince her that its OK for newlyweds to stay alone but its not OK for a 2 year old to stay away from mommy.

    If your MIL is really bent on BIL living with you, you have little choice but to convince (beg, plead bla bla) him and his wife to adjust for 1 year.

    Actually, its easier if you first convince your DH...get him to convince his family.
     
  6. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    Your current arrangement now with your parents close by is perfect for your DD.

    So it is better, you do not make any changes in it in the best interest of your dd.

    Let your BIL and CO-sis know how much it is important to have your DD taken care of and request if they can adjust. If they cannot, let them be and shift together in future when your PIL's will be with you.
     
  7. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Rajashree. Ur MIL is being unreasonable. Newly weds should be left alone infact .
    Let ur BIL and co-sis move to another house. U stay where u are ...close to ur parents.
    1 yr is too long a period to stay away from ur LO even if u can see her on the weekends.
    Put ur foot down and just tell her u cannot be without ur LO for so many days. What is ur DH position in this? Can he be without seeing the baby :bonk
     

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