Need Advice In Arranged Marriage

Maybe I sounded too emotional, what I am saying is, talking to the boy will not exactly give an inkling to his views of a prospective wife. We did two months of emailing before actually seeing each other. What happened? Neither did I get an insight into his mind nor did he get what I wanted. In between he bailed out, I went back to him, if we had followed the protocols strictly, I shouldn't have gone back, but I did. The problem was, he looked to me the way I thought an ideal partner would be. He never felt that way but he somehow compromised, because I came back. I wasn't mature or wise enough. But then how would I be? I would have to go through a relationship to understand that. But that wouldn't be possible. I should have at least listened to my parents' opinion. My father said bluntly that we would not match with each other. My mom was apprehensive because of his sub-caste because one of my relatives had a bad experience with members of his sub-caste. My brother was too scared because my husband's profile was overwhelming for a prospective BIL. If I had put the decision in their hands, it would have been a no-no. I went with my decision based on my desires. I was looking for my heart, not his heart. I hope I conveyed what I wanted to. If OP wants to go for arranged, better she do it with someone in her own place or else she should go for dating or follow a rule sheet.

 

I have had friends in exactly similar situations. They get engaged right away even without seeing the person in some cases. Traditional orthodox families. And then they slowly start talking to each other thru whatsapp, calls. They make sure they have a minimum of 3-6 months between engagement to wedding. They use this time to figure out if the partner will work or not. It's a half half so far. In a problematic match, they raise the issues to the parents n call off the wedding and move on to the next prospect. I have a friend who was engaged to a psychotic character who used to blackmail her over the phone. They were in two different time zones. She explained to her parents n they spoke to the family n called it off. Other half, dey learn abt each other, work der differences n even start liking the partner. Good luck!

 

Main key here is to spend atleast a few months talking to your partner. With the technology right now, u can call or chat with each other in a second. Speak everyday, chat all the time. Constant communication and taking time to know him is what will show u if u guys r compatible. Der r no set of questionnaires to find d perfect match. If ur gut shows red flag, speak to ur family clearly n openly n ask for their thots. Become friends or partners even before u get married.

 

There are no questions to pose to the girl(if you are a guy), you should be clear on what you want, state the same clearly and unabashedly. The other party has no need to lie if they know how clear you are about your requirements. How did you find out that someone is lying about their education? Is that very important to you? Can you get out of the person what you are expecting with/without their education? Why do you want them to complete their degree? Think about that and then decide. Is the fact that they are lying hurting you more or the fact that they did not complete the degree or both? And no, not all people lie during the meetings. And yet, people realize later that there is a difference between what they think/state they want and what is it that they actually want. I did not like your statement about divorce. Sorry, but that is a very wrong attitude, if you are thinking about divorce before marriage, your thoughts about marriage are not correct. So, if divorce is common, you would be fine with lies? Or ready for a trial? I think arranged marriage is not for people like you, it is better you meet someone, get to know them and then marry. Lastly, your question about when someone feels they are ready to marry - there is no definite answer to that because it depends on the person and their situation. If someone has an urge to get married because of whatever reasons - hormonal, emotional, financial, they are ready, that is all to it. Some people feel that 19 is the right age, some don't get that feeling even at 40, it is all in the person.

 

I didn't take it literally. I heard your quote "Divorce is not an option...." from at least 3 people before and I can tell you that attitude will give you and the prospective person a lot of unhappiness. It is not like I was a saint either. Don't go looking for a set of qualities, you can't get everything. And if you think you have found such a person, you will understand later that you were mistaken. The more you go for it, the more the misery.