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Need A Genuine Answer For This Simple Question Please

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by nihitareddy, May 3, 2017.

  1. nihitareddy

    nihitareddy Silver IL'ite

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    Hello everyone,
    I need genuine answer for this simple question. You may think I am the worst to think like this but what to do after all I am also a human
    How to you react/take it in if ur MIL ( SORRY SORRY SORRY) who literally made ur life hell and at one point of ur marriage life you thought about ending ur life but you didn't coz of reasons( valid/invalid) and worried about ur future with her and also who thinks unless she passed away ur problems won't Slove/ u don't have peaceful life or future ...................
    ....... one fine after noon if ur mobile blinks and you saw the msg "" she passed away and she is no more"""
    How you reacts to that
    Coz it happened to me 2 weeks back and still I am in shock
    Thank you
    Nihita
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    You are human op and your thoughts were in reaction to the situation you were in.
    You don't have to feel guilty.
    How do you react? I don' t know but I guess just like you react to a family member's demise.
    One advice...don't tell anyone about your thoughts ....you vented and it is done. If your husband needs your support ,be there for him.
     
  3. livingitup

    livingitup Bronze IL'ite

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    You are human after all and are allowed to imagine things in your MIND (!!ONLY!!), never say it loud.

    Imagining things make life tolerable.
     
    Rihana and yellowmango like this.
  4. shrivni

    shrivni Silver IL'ite

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    Ha Ha Ha.....that is OK Dear. Thankfully our mind Voice will not be heard by anyone. Dont worry, a lot of us would have thot the same. You are not bad....

    But keep it with you, don't tell anyone.

    And be supportive to your hubby.
     
    yellowmango likes this.
  5. bhagya85

    bhagya85 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi op,
    If I was in that situation:It would definitely be a big shock..but never show my emotions out and would be there to support my husband for his recovery.
    I would try to recollect at least few good deeds that she had done to me and forget worst situations we had. convince myself that if she hadn't been,i would have not had my wonderful husband today.
     
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  6. arpha08

    arpha08 New IL'ite

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    Well I guess every DIL who has an extremely troublesome MIL will think on the same grounds at least once. It doesn't mean we are inhuman's. Its just that our pain makes us think so.
    One of my friend faced a similar situation. Her MIL was very troublesome and one fine day she fell sick and within a week she messaged me that she passed away. Shocker to everyone.

    Even today she gets tears in her eyes for what her MIL has done to her. But she is also thankful for her as she used to take very good care of her DD come what may.
     
  7. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    I think it is pretty normal for a human to think dat wen dey go thru hell. U hav even thot of ending ur life, so it must b very very bad.

    From school to college to office to life, wen someone makes our life a living hell, out of frustration, anger, helplessness, ppl say 'I wish dis person jus dies already'
    even on the road, wen somebody drives very rashly endangering others, ppl say 'dis idiot is gona die'

    Weder it happens or not, it's no ones fault. Jus bcoz u say die dey don die. Or if u say live, dey don live. Life has its way.

    U r in shock, which is normal. But u r also feeling guilt which is making u over think dis. Forget u ever thot dat n grieve normally. B der for ur hubby n family. Remember d good times with her n try to hold onto positive memories.
     
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  8. kksndream

    kksndream New IL'ite

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    Nihita,
    First of all sorry for what your family is going thru. I am also in same position as you.My MIL passed away few months back.She used to drive me insane and hurt me and my family and I thought the same like you either ending myself or ending my marriage. I dint have guts to do either.

    She lived with us mostly few years but always praise her other DIL and her DD who were her favorite and always partial towards me/DH/our DD. I used to get soo upset. Even when a relative/friend who visits us has to listen to hours of complaints against us and go back with blood in their ears.She had bunch of health conditions. So she was excused for her rudeness and I was the evil one. By talking back I was inviting more trouble so decided to keep quiet. Few years ago she was serious and we saved her and good very good care of her. She went to visit her dd and all her other family members when she died suddenly which has put DH and me feeling guilty.

    When i went for the ceremony suddenly I remembered how much love dh had for her/how she used to take her to her like a baby/ how much he must be suffering and suddenly I was the one crying out more than her own children and people around me had a wierd look as if I was insane.

    Now months later I know DH is still sad and wont talk about it i really feel that she was still alive atleast for him and I would have played the deaf/dumb role against her complaints. I feel sorry for the fights that came when she was alive. Her insecurities made her act like that. I am sad all good thins I did were never appreciated by her when alive.But i am still not able to forgive completely and I dont even have any close friends to talk this about. my parents are too old and sick to hear all this. While I am stuck in these thoughts her favorite DD/DIL has moved on and they are doing better now. I tell myself I am not the bad person with all these thoughts but the person who cried truely that day.

    When someone hurts us we react think badly. Ofcourse we are not Buddha/Gandhi or some saint to take everything with a smile. Please forgive yourself and provide support needed for your DH now. Sorry about the long vent.
     
    shri0218 and sindmani like this.
  9. Cutie1991

    Cutie1991 Senior IL'ite

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    Kepp your feelings to yourself and support your DH..it happens...life is tough!
     
  10. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    7let ur mother in law's soul rest in peace. I read ur posts . u have been suffering a lot. So please come out of the traumatic feeling. Wishing you good health and good life only one advice get out of your guilty feeling and try to Forget the past.
     

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