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Nanny Or Daycare

Discussion in 'Infants' started by sanjuruby3, Jul 17, 2019.

  1. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    I did know where to post since its combined issue for nanny and toddler. I have infant at home that we are looking to put in daycare soon. We already signed up for next month. And my toddler will be in KG soon. She goes to different classes which means very busy for us. Now with school starting, it will be much harder since they are released at 3 and no bus at this age. So we need pick up, bring her at home and then WFH. For infant also pick up, drop off then dealing with sicknesses and we have hard schedules.
    When we older one was born, daycare was too much for our schedules and life. We were not able to take it... going to doc every week. Dealing with daily chores and baby care. Now we have 2 of them and much harder jobs with not much WFH flexibility.
    Me and my H are never on the same page and this time also. He is telling he will manage but I know him. He shouts around the house everyday because he is mainly managing my older one. Our house is already hell house, to be honest. He tells he will come pick her at 3 from school and then pick drop kid. Once brings home, he is done. He gets exhausted and screaming. He has no patience. Then he won'nt let hire help for housecleaning but won't do himself. Utimately, he will end up sending toddler to after-care which will be too much for her.

    So Please suggest.
    -I am thinking to nanny. It hard to trust new one with infant with so many news around but I feel it will be less burden on us.
    Also with toddler home at 3pm, it will be easier as she can be fed.
    - We do not prefer after care, because she goes to many classes already.
    - My H wants her to send to Kumon classes also, again we have to shuttle her and then make her sit do worksheets at home. Now, I ask her to sit and do some basic writing etc, but she does not sit at all. So H has kumon solution.
    I again think it will be too much( in case after-care is also added) for her and us.
    So looking at overall, I feel nanny will solve many problems. I will be free of other cooking issues and will get to spend more time with kids. And I will also hire help for cleanup.
    - that way i can send her to kumon later.

    For new nanny, i can install cameras and in the beginning, we might get 1-2 WFH days / week to settle him with her but i can not stay at home all the time. I know daycares are safer in that way.
    Kinjal patel case scares me.
    Please suggest what do you think.
     
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  2. Emarald

    Emarald Silver IL'ite

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    I had gone through all this. I had nanny for first year till baby becomes 2 yr age then day care. I changed many babysitters initially. Then ended with best one. Someone from good family, educated and have good references. Don't expect her to do housework. Don't listen to husband if he don't want cleaning person. Be firm, it's only few days and those expenses will go away.
     
  3. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    For elder one try out after school programs which include an activity like some martial arts class included in after school care time. Usually they help with any homework and then teach a class. Cost also is not too high.

    Kumon does not offer such after school care in my area It is for parents to do pick and drop. You can look for any other such educations places which may offer after school care so the school work gets done there and they could teach a class. Kumon only wants kids to come once or twice a week and rest of the time parents needs to supervise, I have my kids in kumon , basically it becomes our work to get kids do the work ...

    please do not add one more task to yourself.
     
    sanjuruby3 likes this.
  4. Emarald

    Emarald Silver IL'ite

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    Keep older daughter s activities minimum so u don't have to run around with baby. It's just one year tough period, both parents need to be calm and composed. Keep telling husband not to burden you in this important trying period or else u will have bad memories for life time like many Indian women
     
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  5. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    True. Which is why I am not positive about it.. I mean it is good and good reviews but my situation right now may not be good. We have new baby at home then toddler who does not pay attention and already suffering from neglect. My H takes her to bdays etc inspite of me telling him to say 'no' this time then he gets tired and screams at home. Its so hard on us. He does not give her time to make her sit and do worksheets ..She needs persistent force to make her sit.. and will not listen to me. How can he make her do that later when she will HAVE to do those no matter what everyday.. plus KG homework.
     
  6. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks.. My bad memories have already been built.. another thread. Right out of hospital he expected me to take care of her, infant and clean up house. I could not bfeed much my child because of this.

    But my kids are my priority, not him so for that reason, i am crossing him and ready to do everything to make my life smoother...
    Its worry about safety of kids ( daycare) vs health of kids + some help ( at home with nanny) depending on nanny's availability.

    For smaller kids at daycare, i have seen my daughter. She was in dirty diaper whole day and eating her own runny nose and seen her in cold windy outside, shiver..they could have told me ..that is best daycare. She had become skelton with in few months when i took decision to pull her out and her health and weight bounced back.

    I do not expect nanny to do housework. My older one - we were paying to do that but we never asked her to do anything. Cooking also we were doing most of it. If mind is at peace, we can cook ourselves, in my job, I have to work in the evening also many times.
    So I will be lost in kids showers and cooking etc.
     
  7. Emarald

    Emarald Silver IL'ite

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    If i can go back in time i would take break from job for one year and take care of baby my self. This time won't come back. Kids grow fast and bonding is done from birth only. I took break for my first kid about could not take for second because of H1 complications. I didn't want to go on h4 because of long gc process backlog. But I regret for it whole life. My first kid is very attached to me and listen to me second is very opposite. Pls take break if u can, don't think of money for one year
     
  8. SaiKiran1

    SaiKiran1 Junior IL'ite

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    Teach the older kid to take care of the younger one and keep her activities to minimum unless required.
     
  9. Halosandwings

    Halosandwings Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Sanjuruby3,


    I know a lot of times it is scary to leave a little kid who is completely defenseless in the care of a stranger. But trust me there are some great nannys out there. I was also very worried about trusting a stranger initially. Then I met my nanny trough a coworker. She has never done nannying before and she was not PALS certified and she is predominantly Spanish speaking. I was very concerned but it is hard to find a nanny in the town I currently live and most people in this place are bilingual and we gave it a try. Now fast forward 2 years she is like a family member. She takes excellent care of my little one. She was a teacher for mentally challenged children before and was living in USA on and off. She uses different techniques to teach him alphabet, numbers etc. My LO is a very picky eater. Being a south Indian I find it very strange that he does not even eat Idli. She cooks food for him which he eats. My LO demands that she open her lunch bag and eats her food and Nanny ends up eating Indian food from fridge... LOL… I had to go to another city for work related event and she travelled with me to look after the little one.. My husband is not much help in taking care of the LO. When I had my LO and asked around people advised me either daycare or nanny based on their experience. For me what’s working best is the combination of both. My LO goes to day care too. Initially my plan was to send him to day care full time. On further thinking I felt its not a good idea for his temperament. He started to go do daycare for a couple of days after he turned 1. Now he goes to daycare Monday through Friday. I pay for half day which is 4 hours and we send him for 1 – 2 hours depending on when he wakes up. Daycare works as a backup for me. If nanny has to go for her personal errands etc I ask daycare to keep him a little longer. They oblige as he spends very little time there. If you have a nanny you can do things at home that may not be done at daycare like diaper free time etc. Daycare can be a problem if the child gets sick. If you are already is a demanding job it may be hard to get a day off. Its very hard for me to get a day off unless there is someone to replace me for the day. The combination of daycare and nanny is working great for me. Think about your needs and see what backup options you have. You always need to have a plan B. I have some women who are willing to watch over my child if needed but he has stranger anxiety. So I have not tried yet. My cousin has 4 kids and has a very demanding career. She has a nanny and nanny’s sister acts as a backup caregiver when needed. Make sure you have backup option so you won’t be left in a difficult situation. Daycares have so many days off that are not public holidays. BTW, my nanny started to do household chores even without asking. Initially, she started to do things that my MIL asked. After my MIL left she has started to do more and more things. We pay her for the time the LO goes to daycare as you never know when he will get sick. She was free to do what ever she wants in that time. She sometime does her personal errands etc. My LO usually sleeps 2 hrs or so in the afternoon. She has 3 to 4 hrs free time and she starting washing our clothes, tidying up on her own. She would send me a text apologizing that she has washed my clothes as she was getting bored.. LOL… I ended up giving her a schedule and paying her extra for housework. She takes LO to park or story time at library. We leave some cash for her to use if she needs anything for the baby or the house. Anyways, what I am trying to tell you is there are some great nannies out there and with the right nanny your life will be wonderful.
     
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  10. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    Agree with you. My first nanny was really great. She did not drive so she could not take kid out much to library. My kid was mostly sleeping. We never asked nanny to do house chores other than meals. So she was bored all the time. Only after 1 yr, we realized she needs to be taken out and we asked her and she also like it. I realized my daughter is very shy because of same, and till this date wont eat herself, but atleast she had healthy eating habits...before daycare started. Other than that, she was great.
     

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