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Nagging MIL :(

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Vaisnavi, Feb 22, 2012.

  1. Vaisnavi

    Vaisnavi Silver IL'ite

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    Hi All,
    I got married on Dec 18th 2011.My MIL is otherwise good expect some few nagging habits. One of them is my dressing. :(
    She doesnt like even one of my dresses(except 2). its very annoying when she says me to change the dress and wear any proper ones.
    One day We all were getting ready to attend my DH's cousins enagagement.I wore the best dress I had (the one which my MIL likes).
    But when she saw me in that dress, she made bad face and told me to change it :(. I felt so bad, and she pointed out to her daughter and told ,see my daughter's choice, so good collections she has,you dont have even one proper dress to wear.
    So as she was not approving for any dresses of mine, I showed her one saree I had. First she told "ohh its soo simple etc etc" at that time my SIL entered and told that its good, then my MIL is saying " If my daughter is saying its good then its good. I felt so pissed off :(
    I really dont know what to do....and all my dresses are pretty good, I get so many compliments from my friends and relatives as well as from DH...
    What can I do about this.?? Pls help
     
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  2. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Vaisnavi,

    She's not able to accept you for whatever reason... neither is she in a mood to appreciate you for anything.. it happens to a lot of women once their son get married.. maybe its related to their difficulty the share their son with another lady....
    Or may a general dislike towards another's child.
    Once you have kids and you start schooling, you'll come across many moms who are overtly in love with their own child and can find nothing really worthwhile in another child even if that child is an excellent performer or good looking.. they always turn down those kids.
    This is very typical of MILs since they have to put up with another's child in their own house.

    Maybe you can request her to assist you in selecting what you should be wearing and whenever you go for shopping.. but my personal experience tells.. that even if you take them for shopping they'll force you to select something with which whatever little appreciations your were getting so far from people other than her... they'll also vanish.

    There are quite a few FB pics where I've got generous compliments from quite a few of those on my frndz list.. along with that I've accepted that immediate inlaws generally are unable to access these pics.... but they can be in a position to tell their son that he's married an ugly woman ;-)...
    So cheer up and be confident... beauty lies in your confidence and nature.. preserve it and don't loose it for ungrateful ppl around you.
     
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  3. silvertulip

    silvertulip Platinum IL'ite

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    Well it sounds pretty similar to what I have faced 1 yr back and to some extent today! MILs have this usual habit of nagging their DILs in the beginning of marriage. You got married 2 months back so still u r in that new bride phase where ur DH side people will notice u, ur clothes, ur dresses.
    So what I suggest u is to ask her what u should wear and make her shop for u, especially for family functions and outings, coz then she can't blame u for looking bad as u will wear her choice.
    For dresses of ur choice, make sure u shop with ur hubby and if ur MIL says something on those dresses tell her that it's her son's choice thats y u love wearing them.
    Let me tell u that my MIL has made me wear clothes of her choice and does it till date on family functions like weddings (but it's less now as she knows that I ask her and wear what she says so now she is asks me to decide what I want to wear). Also since 1 yr has passed and I am no more a new bride, I wear stuff of my choice. Many times when u r new in the family, MIL expects u to listen to her like her son (ur DH) does! If it stops her nagging, do it for sometime as she will know u listen to her and will eventually stop.
    Also MILs are insecure in the early days of marrying their sons. Your MIL is also insecure it seems so she tries to put u down by saying things like these. Learn to ignore and turn kinda deaf on these issues. Unless she is mean or holds ill-will (she will be biased to ur SIL for sure so don't think of that praise and all - forget it) be polite and amiable. And make her shop for u (do tell her ur choice and see if her choice and urs match on some stuff so that it is easy for u to wear what u like also). Best of luck and if u need more ideas, feel free.. :)
     
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  4. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    I dont understand Why you have to change your clothes if she dont like. You just have to get ready and start for the occasions. If she says something just tell her you and DH like it. I hope the message will be clear to her.

    Its not your problem if she dont like your clothes.
     
  5. cutemonster

    cutemonster Platinum IL'ite

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    hi vaisnavi !
    first of all congrats on ur wedding !
    well i can say by personal experience that a lot of time our dressing sense wont match with our mil's :)
    so dont be bothered by what ur mom in law says .
    u can try something which i often do , just dress up the way u want and ask your husband how do i look :), most of time , dh being in love with his new bride will mostly find her pretty only!
    so if ur mil says u r not looking nice u can tell it was ur husbands choice ! i m sure she will not be able to say anything then !also try to shop with him .
    In my marriage my mom in law likes sarees and i cant wear it properly so i wear salwar kameez. also when i wanted to start wearing jeans i went with my husband to buy kurta and tops of his choice , then mil had to accept my dresses .
    And yes dont just go and change just because they say , tell them sweetly , mom i have dressed up according to my wish this time , next time i will ask u before i choose ;)
    dont take it too negatively , even our mom's sometime dont approve of clothes we wear ! so give her a benefit of doubt may be she really wants to you to deck up and be grand as new brides are suppose to be !
     
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  6. goldfinch

    goldfinch Senior IL'ite

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    I am facing same problem , Mil does not like mine or my little girl's dresses. She makes a rude comment about my bra, my lipstick, my hair .She is very proud of her selections,her selections are really good! and i appeciate it. For that reason she does not even buy me a single thing.If we got together to shop , she picks one i picked for her daughter or for herself. Never satisfied with way i dress up and the way i present myself.By the way i am married for 10 years and still facing the problem! I am really scared to go to India .
    Finch
     
  7. behappy123

    behappy123 New IL'ite

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    my observation is totally different may be negative also. I feel that MIL dont want their DIL to look good so that they dont give competition to their own daughters. at the same time if DIL is looking good son will go out of hand that is the reason they keep telling DIL are not beatiful, they dont have good dressing sense etc etc etc.....

    you dont loose confidence because that is the one which make you look good in what ever you wear or how ever you dress. always keep gun on your husband's shoulder and fire because they can fire back because you are behind son and when they fire first son will get shot.
     
  8. Reflection123

    Reflection123 New IL'ite

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    Keep your DH in confidence, and then you can tactfully argue and stand for your choices. Tell him how much you want to wear what you like....don't say out-rightly nasty stuff about his mom...but tactfully put it to him, that his mother's intentions are good and you understand that, but you still really want to dress up your own way. Just sweetly ask him whether its ok for you to say that even DH likes the same dress.

    ..when your MIL passes a nasty comment and asks you to change your dress, just tactfully tell her that her son likes that dress on me a lot, so I want to keep wearing this. Chances are that she will either be quiet, or will fume inside and say something like..'what does he know about dressing....etc etc"........you can give her befitting replies saying your POV, but not sounding too offensive because you're representing a team now and not just yourself. You can say something like "No he has a very good dressing sense, its really appreciated and I get lot of compliments'......its easier to stand up for yourself, when you are standing up as a team.....rather than for your individual choices.

    If you're bold.....and you can pull off an attitude of dealing with in-laws with a lot assertiveness and confidence, you don't even have to drag your DH's name in standing up for your choices.
    However, being assertive as a team is still always easier and quietens imposing people more easily!
     
  9. CryingHeart

    CryingHeart New IL'ite

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    simple solution dear... :) ask ur hubby how u look.. if he says u look pretty and nice, then walk out.. if she says anything tell, ur hubby told u look pretty.. put the blame on him dear... :)
     
  10. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    My mil nd sil used to hate my clothes earlier...passing nasty comments on my dressing sense was normal for them. But over the years they have accepted me and I have seen my sil getting her salwar suits stiched in a similar style. Of course now they have found other issues to destroy my life:-(
     

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