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Nagging Effectively?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Rihana, Jan 26, 2020.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    In most households, it falls on the woman to be the reminder service for husband, kids, older parents to do what needs to be done. Her mind is like an always open and constantly updating Excel spreadsheet.

    How to be an effective nag? How to remind repeatedly without it feeling like nagging?

    What are some do's and don't to remember and try?

    Not reminding and letting natural consequence teach them a lesson is an option. In this thread, the discussion is about how to nag effectively. Hopefully, that can be understood and remembered without reminders.
    .
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    My first suggestions is a simple one: Do not use the words "How many times do I have to tell you to ..."
     
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  3. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Let the consequences happen and then remind, I told you
     
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  4. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    I have tried this after I got annoyed when they stated that am borderline nagging them / repeating the same thing. Then that task won’t happen, I go with a ‘I told you so’, n all I get is a grunt.

    The consequences seems to be continuously happening on n off. I have stopped bothering a lot like earlier and have calmed down.
    Now, I say it once, or I stare at them after telling to do something or I clear my throat looking at something, show them the loss (for example: spoiled food by not closing a cookie / chips packet or late fee for a bill thats just forgotten), go with statements like ‘why are you making me repeat?’ ‘Why am I gonna bother if it’s done already? It’s wasting my time’ in a very subtle way, do it myself, shrug, sigh loudly, not bother, etc, these are the combo these days. I have stopped getting hyper about things until unless it’s something serious, I have gotten calm for the regular stuff n I feel more more at peace now.:angel:
     
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  5. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    When to nag to make it seem less like a nag, should be an important consideration.
    I sing/mutter to myself the Kenny Rogers refrain (from the song The Gambler) when I need to desist, and postpone to a right moment:
    Know when to nag them
    Know when to scold
    Know when to walk away
    Know when to hug.​
     
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  6. ragzz

    ragzz Silver IL'ite

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    Carrot and stick.
    Reward when well done (with things that matter to the participant).
    Consequences if not (again, with things that matter to the participant, else wont matter).
     
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  7. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    I have been using the technique of asking nicely. After so many years, I got him to a point where he does dishes whenever we have dishes in sink. like Op mentioned, the constant updating of excel sheet in mind and in real, is my job. I ask things to be done well in advance and ask nicely (well, 7/10 times). For example, DH lounges on couch on a sunday morning after breakfast, spending time on his phone. I join him and cuddle up a little bit and after 5 mins I get up to leave, he asks why and tell him a list of things that needs to be done - laundry, cooking for the week, cleaning the house etc. He would usually ask, can we spend a few more minutes and then get to the jobs. I say yes and this should usually do the trick to get him to do the laundry. After that I have to just nudge him to help him with the next thing. I also ask him his schedule of meeting friends or other things on weekend and plan my list around it. I learned that is easier and less stressful, he get to do his and I get what I wanted.

    However, it is not easy with the kid, a constant follow up is needed. I have a job done - reward given right away policy there. Many methods have failed, many are evolving, still haven't reached a good solution there.
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    That's a beautiful song. I've found an ace that I can keep. : ) It sounded vaguely familiar but I couldn't place it. Some googling showed that a version by Johnny Cash was my DD's favorite during her Satya (seeking the truth) phase.

     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Perhaps nagging of children and of adults deserve their own separate guides/guidelines. : )

    I've actually found some good tips in some old'ish articles on the good old www. One said that most nagging requiring situations can be resolved creatively. One woman's husband drove her crazy by not cleaning up the sugar from the counter after making his tea or coffee. She finally came up with the solution of sugar cubes.

    My own experience and playing back my nagging voice in my mind has given me a lesson: at one time, you can nag about the task that needs to be done or about the person needing to learn to do it without the nagging. Don't mix the two.
     
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  10. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    good one
    I tell ahead of time - for example, my son has tendency to drive faster. I tell him don't make me comment, drive within the speed limit and watch speed at school zones. That works.
     
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