My wife is an Ambani Yesterday , I received a speedpost letter from the Income Tax Department. I opened it eagerly, for I get refunds , but this one had a scrutiny notice . Well , my face had no expression, rather it had a dead pan one, for I am getting used to all these pleasantries from the department of Tax. In the last 5 years , each year harsha gets a scrutiny notice, and I wonder why. She is a housewife, she and me retired from business many years back, our income is just from our investments, which are shown int eh books, we neither buy land or jewellery, or give loans, nor give any money on interest in the market, in short we are Mr.And Mrs.Clean, simple people, who pay their taxes, and keep the rest over the left over money under our pillow, or I just blow it away in smoke, or drink it away. A few years back I received the scrutinty letter, and I was **** scared. For I have never been there before in the office, so I called my CA , he said not to worry. After a few days, he called to say, yr withdrawals are too much, what did u do with the money ? Now that is none of anyone’s business, what I do with the money, so I told him tell the officer that kamal went to Goa, and blew up the money in the casino there!! He said what kind of a reply is that ? I said it is all white money, and I can withdraw and spend all I want, is there a law that prohibits spending yr own way ? Well ultimately I told him the truth, that it was my daughters wedding , and hence the withdrawals. After a few days , the CA calls up to say, the officer is saying give details of the wedding.Now that had me bugged, for ther was no mention of marriage in my income tax returns, and this information I had given to the CA who passed it on to the officer, otherwise how was he to know ? I was furious but kept quiet. The CA said, u come with me, and present yrself before the officer, he is a mean fellow, a SC/ST fellow, he is known to screw people, so be ready, meaning to shell out a good amount of money to p[ut the case under the carpet. Marta kya na karta, a drowning man has no choice, so off I went with the CA to the officer. I found the fellow young, around thirty or so, a very decent chap, totally different from what I had heard, and he had the decency to order tea for us, and biscuits. Well I put forward the papers of marriage as he asked. The wedding was held in a 5 star, who are known for their honesty and full payment in white, I gave the bill and the cheque details, the jewellery I had purchased I gave the bill of it, and now the extra cash that I had taken out, I had to show all the members of the house balance sheets, their withdrawals, and convince him that from the total withdrawls of all of us, minus this amount as household expense, the rest was the cash portion, spent on clothes, give and take, other miscillanous expenses, of which I told him I don’t have a bill and no one normally does. He accepted the argument. The CA told me , now u go out and sit and leave us alone. I was twiddling my thumbs outside, wondering when the axe will fall, when the peon came and sat next to me, and I asked him how the officer is, and he told me, he is a gem and very different from the others, very helpful to guys like him etc etc. There an idea started to form in my head. The CA came out and told me, the officer told me that X is the amount to be paid, I said for what should I pay, he is satisfied with what I have presented, the CA then made the Cardinal mistake of telling me, if u don’t believe me, u go and talk to him !!!!! Well the next day morning itself I went to the IT office, 10 am sharp, for I know my CA comes after 3 pm.The officer was surprised to see me, but again he invited me inside, and tea was served. I told the officer , Sir, before u say anything, I just want u to give me two minutes, he said fine Mr.Mahtani, go ahead. I told him “ Sir, I am an old man, retired, having two daughters, one married and one to go, I have no land or business, I just have my investments , from whose interest I survive. Sir have mercy on me, and as I see, u have my records on the laptop of yours, check even the next few years of the returns , and u will see, I have done no business, and whatever little I have, I have to get my daughter married, and then have enough for the two of us to survive till we die. You have the pen in your hand, u can do what u want, I cant stop u, I just wanted to convey to u my position, to have mercy on me, etc etc etc. I said it with all my sincerity, meaning every word I said, but I knew in my heart of heart that he will ignore what I say, for so many guys like me come to him, and he must be thinking, if this man can get his daughter married in a 5 star, and the jewellery and cash withdrawals, he is a good goat to butcher. You know what happened next ? it just took me by surprise. He said “ Mr.Mahtani, your words have moved me, u are my fathers age, and I see nothing wrong in the returns that u have submitted. So I will do one thing, I wont take a penny from u, but, u will have to pay a certain penalty officially to the department, otherwise we have other panels where this return will go to, after I have finished with it, and they will trouble u, we have to show some revenue to the department from every case of scrutiny.But I will impoase a very small penalty, so u don’t get stuck upstairs. I was very touched with his gesture, and we shook hands, and I left with a great feeling. My CA called me for the money, and when I told him I have been to the boss, and he has waived it off , he was shocked and speechless, the reasons I wont state why here. Maybe that is why the CA is responsible for the continued scrutinitys of my wife, but unfortunately there is nothing to be found now, and so I just give him whatever documents he wants, and all comes clean. And he gets a fee of 2000 bucks which he adds to the yearly bill as scrutnity charges, which is fair enough and I can afford that. There was a time when yr stock went up in the neighbourhood and friends, when u had a IT raid or scrutiny, for people thought u had money, that is why the income tax is after u. I have heard, how far true I don’t know, that some people before their sons wedding would bribe to get raided, so that the word went around to the brides in waiting that they are rich, so the raid !!!!!!!!! Well I think the IT guys think Harsha my wife is as rich as the Ambani ladies, I just hope they are right, maybe one of her relatives is about to leave some billions to her, which will come to u courtesy me being her husband, and then I can improve my vices, that is better quality ciggies and scotch now instead of the junk I am having now. So guys it is party time, and I am happy somebody is under the illusion that harsha is rich and deserves the scrutiny year after year ! May they prove right, God bless them. KAMAL MAHTANI A hen got engaged to a crow. The cock, who used to like her , got annoyed and went to her “ Why do u want to get married to that crow. What is wrong with me? I am prettier than the crow, u and me belong to the same caste and family of fowls, what is it that u are attracted to that ugly crow ? The hen replied “ My parents are looking for groom, who is in the “ Air Force” !!!!!!!!!! In the university exam they gave to write an essay on the subject “ WIFE” The prize winning entry was of just one line as follows Wife is one who has a problem to each solution !!!!! A friend of the sister , we consider her our sister A friend of brother is considered a brother. Then why is wife’s friend not considered as a Wife ???? Jago Grahak Jago, Dusre ki biwi leke bhago !!!!! Idea, Liberty, Trust and Freedom are 4 important things for a nation to be successful. But we are in a country where IDEA is a cell company LIBERTY is a shoe company Trust is a condom company Freedom is a sanitary napkin company !!!!! Teacher – What is the difference between Loafer (Rascal) and Offer Kamalji junior raises his hand and says – When a boy says I love u to a girl, he becomes a loafer When agirl says I love u, then it becomes an OFFER !!!!!!