My younger sis

I would say you better not to worry about this much.I have seen girls where they don't lift a glass before marriage and very succufull after marriage managing there house.Basically if your mother wants some help she should ask for you.You asking her not going to help at all.If you wanted to spend time with her this is best time and when she gets married,you don't find much time.So just leave the things as it is and try to have fun.
If she had to struggle ,she would struggle.You telling things not going to help her at all.Because there is no way she can see your perspective at this point of her life.

 

Anamica, let your sister enjoy. anyways after marriage she has to work. i was like her, busy at work, sleep till 11am on weekends, not help mom in the kitchen, if mom was sick we used to buy food from outside but i had no clue of how to cook. its ok i learned now, thanks to wonderful websites. i DONOT repent that i did not learn before marriage and all. i like her dialog, you were not doing it before marriage, but now you are doing it just chill. let her have fun you too relax. i came directly to US without knowing how to cook simple dal.
its not a big thing, she will learn it. dont strain yourself so much.

 

While I agree that you learn to cook, when you get married and you absolutely have to, I do not agree with the idea that grown up girls (and boys) should just enjoy their life until they get married. I think people after certain age should take some kind of responsibility and have adequate discipline in their life. I wonder how many working girls who live with their parents and don't help with household work, contribute to household expenses. Though parents out of love would not expect their daughters to give money, it is unfair.

Anamica, If your mother wants your sis to help her, nagging, reasoning and arguing will not help. Tell your mother to ask your sis that she needs her help, tell her to make some excuse that she has too much work to handle or that she is not feeling well or something. Assign her specific task and give her a time by which she has to complete it. Eventually she will get used to it and will start doing it herself.

 

This is a common problem in every household :biggrin2: you are doing your mom's job.. usually these dialogue's comes from mom...this shows you are a sweet sister ...dont worry she will turn into a responsible wife/Dil/mom when the situation force her to do the job...now let her enjoy her life...this is the time...you know better as you are married :thumbsup

 

Why must a girl be a responsible wife/Dil/mom, but not a responsible daughter? Just curious.

 

Hi monita....even now she is a responsible daughter...this is the place where she can enjoy full of heart...moreover both her sister and mother are saying these worrying on her future..what if she doesnt know anything in her future...but the girl is confident she will do it...you are asking why cant she do it to her parents when she is going to do it in future...if i can answer this question or any bachelor/spinster/teenage people can answer this..then there will be no usual fights in any house..:rotflno parents have to worry about her son/daughter...

Op said she didnt do much household work before marriage so is she not a responsible daughter too...now she is managing her own family and taking care of her parents and sis...

 

Sorry, I don't understand how? Is she being responsible by enjoying herself?

 

If you answer for this..then you will find the answer for your question

 

There are a number of issues being discussed:

1. unmarried daughter learning to manage a household/needing training
2. working daughter staying in natal home, helping mum with household work
3. working daughter staying in natal home, contributing to household expenses
4. older married daughter advising sister

Plenty said on 1 and 2.
1, 2, 3 are parents' responsibility, in my view. They, in discussion with said daughter, must decide how much training is required and when, how much help is required and when, and earning children and still staying at home needing to financially contribute to expenses.

I am commenting only on 3.
Where I live, friends tell me that their children are expected to contribute at least for their food expenses (not housing) the minute they start working and earning, even part-time. This might happen as soon as the kids are 18 or so. Indian parents, in India and overseas, tend not to expect this. There are pros and cons- kids learn to be responsible with money if they contribute; on the other hand, they are not able to save for big goals if expected to support themselves the minute they earn a little bit. I do know that some kids at least buy gifts for parents for anniversaries and birthdays, or buy stuff for the house (like furniture, electronic goods). I have always encouraged my children to save with a goal, rather than spend on multiple small things. This is a choice that people need to make, and there is no right answer.

On 4- I say, keep out. Advice from elder sister is not appreciated, especially when the said elder sister has married and left the house at least figuratively. Psychologists say that the one single factor that affects everyone's life is their birth order in the family. Go figure!