My Story Of Rebuilding Myself Post Divorce

jayasala42 · Jul 19, 2017

Dear Blachbeauty,

Just today I had occasion to see the snippet and learn that it was selected for the finest post.Kudos to you madam for the strength you gained after the crisis.Normally it is very easy to advise others but very difficult to manage, especially the rumour mongers.Behind the back remarks, and wanton hurts that make you so bad.It is very nice of you to arise from those situations and prove to the world that you can stand tall inspite of the misfortunes that have befallen.You have proved to be an exemplor or role model to many girls who are unable to take bold decisions fearing rumours and they put up with lot of sufferings day in and day out.
It does not matter how many times you fall.But it definitely matters how you get up with double vigour each time.
Jayasala 42

GlobetrotterG · Oct 12, 2018

Im a single mother of a girl kid, used to live in chennai/Bangalore .When you decide to walk out of a marriage, your life is your hands. You no longer have a co-captain, you’re driving alone. One of the first areas you have to assume responsibility for is your own well-being. You can’t outsource healing; you have to do it yourself. It was really scary taking on all of the responsibility myself. Yet it’s also empowering. Because what you own, you can change. It’s your life now.I realized that first few years after divorce was a time of significant personal growth, with greater independence and more personal choices. It is crucial to work to create a better life. Mourning for the loss of a relationship is healthy and normal. You must give yourself permission to feel grief, go through it, and emerge. Even if the marriage was badly flawed, you invested time and emotion in it and its loss is painful.

In the beginning, divorce did sap my confidence. I was feeling defeated because i couldn’t hold my marriage together. And when i faced the marriage/ dating scene again, yet older and saggier than before, my self-doubt grew. But i did feel a sense of relief because my relationship was particularly stressful towards the end. If u are getting out of a marriage fraught with conflict or violence you will be happier in the long term, However , there could be a different kind of stress : The stresses of being in an unhappy marriage may simply be replaced by different worries, such as not being able to trust a man again, struggling to find a perfect partner or a fear of being rejected.

Many of the feelings after a divorce are perfectly natural, as i experienced confusion and uncertainty about the future. Similarly, learning how these feelings may affect one's ability to connect with other family members, such as children, is important, as well was importaant. I think that the average divorced woman has less money than the average married woman and women don't completely recover from the financial consequences of divorce until re-marriage or focus on their career.

Second-guessing was common, I felt a sense of guilt for the demise of the marriage. Did i work hard enough to save my marriage? Did i hasten its demise by something i did, or did not do? Have i scarred my children? These negative thoughts ate me and crippled my ability to respond to new situations, as my brain was forever dwelling on old issues. It's especially true as my kid was involved and i felt as though i was responsible for breaking up a family and causing emotional trauma.I felt saddened by the sudden loss of my marriage. My dreams for the future was wrapped up in marriage, and now that hope for the future appeared to be gone. Increased responsibility combined with the realization that the life yu envisioned no longer exists correlates with the fact i suffered from depression. I felt fearful of small, immediate issues and fearful of distant problems yet to arrive. Easily said, harder to do: I did try not to worry. Anger consumed me at the cost of clear thinking and wise choices for me and my children. I think my anger rose from my fears, and was work hard to conquer those fears.

It makes us mature , leaves no room for overdependence on others and childhood fantasies and.Since i faced my fears and survived, i acquired strength. And whenever i come through a struggle bruised and battered yet without giving up, i built trust in your abilities. As the dust settled, i found an increased thankfulness for the friends who stepped up and stood by. Now i treasure every day where the smiles outnumber the tears. And i will retain that gratitude even as the pain fades because once as i have felt rock bottom, i appreciate everything that lifts me up. I was able to see past patterns now, that was less cloudeded by emotion and cluttering detail. That perspective gave me an insight to change my own behavior and to improve my future relationships.When i felt pain, i honored and respected that pain in others. The end of a marriage made more empathetic towards people facing any kind of loss. As i moved towards acceptance and forgiveness of my situation and my ex, i developed the ability to see more than one viewpoint and to consider the feelings of others. Divorce also wiped away the ego that demands that it’s shameful to ask for help.

The journey of divorce was an arduous one, took much longer and with more setbacks than i imagined before i took that first step. It had many moments of false-hope when i thought that worst was behind me, only to find that i was snapped back yet again to the depths of hopelessness

GeetaKashyap · Oct 12, 2018

@blackbeauty84
Dear BB, well done. I liked the positive steps you took to rebuild your life. First person account is always inspiring and reassuring.

I wish to have your feedback on my latest story, Stepping Stones , that deals with the marital issues leading to divorce.

satchitananda · Oct 12, 2018

GlobetrotterG said: ↑

Im a single mother of a girl kid, used to live in chennai/Bangalore .When you decide to walk out of a marriage, your life is your hands. You no longer have a co-captain, you’re driving alone. One of the first areas you have to assume responsibility for is your own well-being. You can’t outsource healing; you have to do it yourself. It was really scary taking on all of the responsibility myself. Yet it’s also empowering. Because what you own, you can change. It’s your life now.I realized that first few years after divorce was a time of significant personal growth, with greater independence and more personal choices. It is crucial to work to create a better life. Mourning for the loss of a relationship is healthy and normal. You must give yourself permission to feel grief, go through it, and emerge. Even if the marriage was badly flawed, you invested time and emotion in it and its loss is painful.

In the beginning, divorce did sap my confidence. I was feeling defeated because i couldn’t hold my marriage together. And when i faced the marriage/ dating scene again, yet older and saggier than before, my self-doubt grew. But i did feel a sense of relief because my relationship was particularly stressful towards the end. If u are getting out of a marriage fraught with conflict or violence you will be happier in the long term, However , there could be a different kind of stress : The stresses of being in an unhappy marriage may simply be replaced by different worries, such as not being able to trust a man again, struggling to find a perfect partner or a fear of being rejected.

Many of the feelings after a divorce are perfectly natural, as i experienced confusion and uncertainty about the future. Similarly, learning how these feelings may affect one's ability to connect with other family members, such as children, is important, as well was importaant. I think that the average divorced woman has less money than the average married woman and women don't completely recover from the financial consequences of divorce until re-marriage or focus on their career.

Second-guessing was common, I felt a sense of guilt for the demise of the marriage. Did i work hard enough to save my marriage? Did i hasten its demise by something i did, or did not do? Have i scarred my children? These negative thoughts ate me and crippled my ability to respond to new situations, as my brain was forever dwelling on old issues. It's especially true as my kid was involved and i felt as though i was responsible for breaking up a family and causing emotional trauma.I felt saddened by the sudden loss of my marriage. My dreams for the future was wrapped up in marriage, and now that hope for the future appeared to be gone. Increased responsibility combined with the realization that the life yu envisioned no longer exists correlates with the fact i suffered from depression. I felt fearful of small, immediate issues and fearful of distant problems yet to arrive. Easily said, harder to do: I did try not to worry. Anger consumed me at the cost of clear thinking and wise choices for me and my children. I think my anger rose from my fears, and was work hard to conquer those fears.

It makes us mature , leaves no room for overdependence on others and childhood fantasies and.Since i faced my fears and survived, i acquired strength. And whenever i come through a struggle bruised and battered yet without giving up, i built trust in your abilities. As the dust settled, i found an increased thankfulness for the friends who stepped up and stood by. Now i treasure every day where the smiles outnumber the tears. And i will retain that gratitude even as the pain fades because once as i have felt rock bottom, i appreciate everything that lifts me up. I was able to see past patterns now, that was less cloudeded by emotion and cluttering detail. That perspective gave me an insight to change my own behavior and to improve my future relationships.When i felt pain, i honored and respected that pain in others. The end of a marriage made more empathetic towards people facing any kind of loss. As i moved towards acceptance and forgiveness of my situation and my ex, i developed the ability to see more than one viewpoint and to consider the feelings of others. Divorce also wiped away the ego that demands that it’s shameful to ask for help.

The journey of divorce was an arduous one, took much longer and with more setbacks than i imagined before i took that first step. It had many moments of false-hope when i thought that worst was behind me, only to find that i was snapped back yet again to the depths of hopelessness
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Dear Globetrotter

Hats off to you for your courage and determination in rebuilding your life. Beautifully presented and an inspiration to many who may be in a similar situation.