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My Problem...please help

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by balboa, Mar 8, 2012.

  1. balboa

    balboa New IL'ite

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    HI I am 29 years old married nine months back. My wife is 28 years old. My wife came to uk after marriage. All these nine months she did not work or do anything. I have a busy schedule as I work from 7 in the morning to 6 in the evening. I have majority of my meals outside except for dinner. which she would not cook, she constantly abuses my parents, and says I dont earn enough to fund her lifestyle. She goes to the casinos daily and spends money. Even in the house she doesnot do anything, she keeps the house like a mess, like her undergarments in the living room etc, so I do it myself on the weekend. I come home see whats avaialable go to the supermarket get it cook and eat. She happily has a drink when I am doing this. We visited india recently to attend some marriage from her side, so she went early and joined her later, once I reached, she was like how can I stay at your parents, I hate them and dont respect them, so I will stay at my people's place. One day when she was at our parents house she wanted to go to a night party alone a nd come back late. When I said no, its not that way in the house, she called me names of all kinds.and threatened to comit suicide if she didnt go to the party. Then I talked ot her parents, she was quite for a week, and once I am here in Uk she started again, she sent me a set of conditions to live by, where in she will do what she wants and I am no one to question...she saying we will live like roommates. When I said my parents might visit us, she said they have live by her rules if they come....I dont know what to do...and I cannot take her name calling all the time. I have provided her with everything thats possible within my reach and means...help me...
     
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  2. archana2008

    archana2008 Gold IL'ite

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    wohoo she definetly have issues. try taking her to counselling. if that does not work, i would say dont involve a kid in this marriage and go for divorce. being a man or women i would never accept such partner. good luck.
     
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  3. sriram85

    sriram85 New IL'ite

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    well mr.rocky balboa...

    a question and an answer...

    Q. Assuming that it was an arranged marriage, did you ppl atleast had a minute to talk abt what your expectations , goals, interests were??

    A. Talk to her. Let her know what you expect from her and what she expects from life. Give it your best shot before breaking up and let her know what is happening / going to happen.
     
  4. malarun

    malarun Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I suggest taking her to a marriage counselling, also intimate her parents about her behaviour and also about the fact she threatening to commit suicide. She seems to have a serious problem, might be she was forced into this marraige and taking revenge on you.

    If in case she is not ready for counselling, talk to her parents and let them convince her for counselling.

    If she feels you are no one to question her then tell her you are no one to provide for her needs let her earn and spend as she wants and live as she wants.

    I think as a man you need to stand for yourself, and make her understand that she needs to mellow down and be a good partner or she has to meet the consequences of her behaviour.

    I would never tolerate this kind of behaviour or name calling. I guess you can warn her of the consequnce of you filing for a DV, but this might turn against you she might take that tool also to threaten you... She seems capable of anything...

    All the best!!!

    Thanks
    Malar
     
    4 people like this.
  5. psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    seems like you hit the jackpot :)

    She seems she doesnt want to be married. Ask her if she wants to be married and if she does what does being a wife mean?

    Does she anycare towards you as a wife?
     
  6. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    You seem to be in a mess...your wife has not come to terms with the fact that she is married. Was she like this before marriage? What was her lifestyle? Does she come from a very rich family? Spoilt brat?
     
  7. yesican

    yesican Silver IL'ite

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    Balboa,

    Wifey goes to casinos, spends money, and has a drink too while the hubby is slaving away to earn money and then comes back home and cooks (actually this sounds a lot like the old hindi movies, also some posts on this forum, except, wait, the wifey slogs at home and at work while hubby does the jua and sharaab thing)Wish I could do that sometimes(juaa and nashaa) in this godforsaken place!

    Sorry dont have much advice for you except return the dowry money if you go for a divorce and be happy! All the best.
     
    2 people like this.
  8. Megalife

    Megalife Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Balboa
    Sorry, buddy....you are indeed enduring a lot.
    She clearly needs help in the form of councelling, parental talks etc. Seems like she was brought up a spoilt, overindulged brat. If she still, afetr all the councelling/advice, chooses to live life in her terms, try to get out from this relation once and for all. She seems the histeric kind (can have anything upto her sleeves!) , so dont get all her nerves worked up...just be cool, pack her off to India and then go in for a divorce.
    No sane human can live in a madhouse for long...or a point will come where you will become insane yourself.
    Mega
     
  9. anugamit

    anugamit Platinum IL'ite

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    Discuss your concerns with her parents along with your parents. I think it is not only about going to party...A wife should know her responsibilities...If she does not want to love you, care for you and even do not want to remain in a marriage...better DIVORCE. Again my question is, do your parents know about this??? Don't they involve in your problems.
     
  10. kylie

    kylie Gold IL'ite

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    Mr. Balboa,

    What happened ? U hv vanished from the forum after posting. did u try any of the above suggestions ? Personally, i feel u hv just had a bad day n venting it out [this being yr first post]. No probs.

    Whatever u hv mentioned in yr post is slightly far fetched - pardon me for saying that. Leave alone a woman doing all that but frankly speaking, I cant imagine even a guy behaving like that !! I mean leaving the innerwear in the living room, drinking while the spouse is working his butt off, visiting casinos ....... seems unbelievable !

    With the remote possibility that yr wife actually behaves like that - do u think u would want to spend the rest of yr life like that ? Cmon ! dont be a "babe-in-the-woods". U r young n hardworking n obviously earning well..... Pull yrself up n take that wise decision......dump her. Its not worth it to turn yr life into a living hell. Save yr parents the nightmare of having to deal with yr wife.

    Hope u r reading the responses n r able to help yrself.

    Good luck
    kylie
     
    1 person likes this.

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