My past has come back to haunt me...and my wife.

sorry to say....but yes do not consider movies as a benchmark...frankly speaking there are people who are hypocrites....and not as honest as OP is....atleast OP is open abou this past relationships..but I have read on the forums itself how men/women have secret relationships...so lets not even compare about what they show in movies or TV shows...(time to growup and think ina diff. angle....) because in english movies they show things totally blownout of proportion than the real world dating scenario......so movies are always 10 steps ahead of how human life really is....its like guiding us...for sure..but not everyone follows that path.

 

Everything will be alright once your baby comes to this world. You have been honest to your wife so she will be dont worry. Things will be fine be positive in life. Never ever get into any negetive feelings to your life and keep your wife away from those negetive energies. By the way read some spiritual books which are full of positive energy. I would recomend you The secret - by Rhonda bryne just go through the book and practise it in your day to day life you can experience miracle I am telling you. And have faith in god and yourself, your wife everything. Thats all I can say.

 

Please consider these as pregnancy hormones...we all know its difficult to deal with this .....but do not take it seriously...and have some patience...this too shall pass!! with love n patience.

 

If she knew about your past before you got marriage, isn't it unreasonable that she chose to overlook the "spiritual and emotional betrayal" when she took the plunge with you and now suddenly decides to rake it up and make an issue of it? If this behaviour is related to her pregnancy, then I guess you need to overlook it. But if this has been the pattern all along, then it certainly is extremely unreasonable and illogical to say the least.

 

handle a pregnant woman's emotions very carefully! culturally, though pre-marital sex is not all that uncommon in URBAN India, multiple sexual partners are definitely not the norm. indian movies show lots of people dancing everywhere. rest assured you won't be seeing that in real life india! so let's not get in to movies and such as a mirror of modern indian culture.

i would say this is more about an individual's personal culture. and there is nothing wrong with her views about pre-marital sex. however she seems to have become insecure about your past possibly repeating itself. while it seems unfair, don't give in to angry feelings about this. stay calm. if she talks about it again, tell her the past is past. the present and the future belong to her, you and the precious baby who is expected so eagerly. nothing and nobody else is important to you. promise her that.

pregnant women can be pretty emotional! hold her, soothe her. try your best to keep it as cheerful as possible. please be aware even after baby's birth, hormones take several months to normalize. make sure she is eating well and healthy. go on walks together. your support and belief will make a positive difference in time. all will be well soon!

 

I am curious, was she like that before she got pregnant? If not blame it all on the hormones like many of the ladies here have mentioned. She might just be over worked emotionally and physically.

What a person thinks to be right or wrong depends on how he or she perceives it from happenings around them. She believes it to be wrong cos that is how most people see it in India. And I don't see why you should see it as wrong or regret about it now. You did not know you'd marry her before you had those relationships.
But she had a choice to decide if she was willing to deal with your past before she willingly committed to you.

Again, you did not do all that intentionally to hurt her. She does seem to have some trust issues.
If she can't see it as acceptable, its still her own choice to stay in a peaceful relationship that is possible now or walk away from it. There is no point in her making the current situation worse by blaming you for your past that she has no reason to comment on. She has to learn to deal with her insecurities.

But I must say, while I see that the world is moving ahead by embracing and accepting changes such as the influence of western culture being normal in every aspect of life, it very refreshing to see a westerner being more Indian. It would not have been easy, but to see you willingly change yourself for your love that you have for your wife, its pretty amazing.

Hope things work out well soon and wish you two all the best with the new bundle of joy to come.

PS. There is another thread in the same forum, which is of a similar context and just shows how different people see the same topic - premarital relationships, in different ways. Should be an interesting read.

 

Any women who comes from India and start living in US would clearly know pre-martial sex is not a taboo in this country.By knowing that she married you then why all is this????
You know what the more you bend and bend,she will try to make you guilty.Did you talk with her about your relations before marrige????

You know what next time she accues something just don't listen and move on or see some therepist.Something really wrong with her.When she married,she should think what is acceptable for her not.If that is not acceptable then she souldn't have married you.
May be she doesn't aware of it or even though she knows she might try to emotionally abuse you ,lot of India men also will have pre-martial sex only difference they would hide it.

May be she will move her energy towards the kids after the birth.But anyway one day you deal with once for all.This is not a fair game.

There is no way you keep on assuring her.One day you need to be firm and deal with it.There is no reason for you to keep on feeling guilty and making her happy for that movement.

 

Hi
mookier,

you will have to make her comfortable and make her beleive that you are not in these relationship now.

Take a vacation break like you sit together where you both like to go may be a shorter distance place since she is pregnant now.

Also talk to her openly from your heart dont ever try to hide anything.This is a clear situation of unsecure with a baby also now.Its not mood swings i guess.

Tell her how much you love her everytime you feel like give her a hug kiss luv you words but it shouldnt luk artificial.

Past is past i would say instead of feeling bad about the situation sit and think what are the things that would make her feel secured and happy.

Vacation will work defenetily now,open speech and important ask her what she wants really now and ask her how can we solve the issue and more important did you apologise to her??? instead of shouting back to her i would say stay calm when you get into argument allow her to speak and then she will calm down.She will come back defenetily.

Silence is golden and for sure will work in all the situation in life


Regards
sangeetha

 

You have nothing to regret. Lots of good advice so far and I'd suggest you take her to a therapist. You've been very honest and that is remarkable. The problem is with her, not you.

 

Sorry I'm having a difficulty understanding this. When your wife was okay with your past before the wedding when you revealed to her everything, why exactly does she have a problem now?