My past has come back to haunt me...and my wife.

What you do or she does before marriage....if she wanted to know, she should have asked and find out from you before marriage....but what is the point in making it a big issue and spoiling a happy marriage now??? its not that you are going to have similar relationships even after marraige right??

My thoughts are...may be she is scared that given a chance..you might get into such relationships even after marriage....some trust issue here...thats all....just try to explain it to her firmly n softly everytime she picks this topic...let her know that you are committed to her and she has to understand that just like she has her Indian background you have your background....no harm...

Also if possible let her open up about what are her fears...I guess this whining thing will stop when she actually explains whats her problem...and I guess most of us Indian women know about the dating thing and if a Indian woman is marrying a white man, she should know that this guy may have dated some girls already...

pls be patient with her for a while...I understand how you might be feeling...its not your fault at all...and what you did before marriage.....is not a sin or major issue...this should never have effect on your current/future life...

just take time to explain it to her and let her get it out with whats in her heart..

 

The important step is firstly you have to truly regret your actions and consciously make a thorough decision that you will never ever get in to similar situations in the future.

The next step is your wife has to firstly forgive you with all her heart and trust you that no matter what happens you are always there for her. This will take a while but I am sure when you both truly love each other you cannot continue living in sadness and depression otherwise there is no point. Hope she forgives you and you both move ahead for a fresh and positive start.

God Bless you both....

 

I didnt understand this.....why will he regret what he did in the past?? that too its part of his culture....for what is he supposed to regret? it sounds really bad....

I actually appreciate this guy...he is honest with his wife.. and atleast making an effort to fix her reaction...he seems broadminded.....and genuinely interested to stay married to this lady!! isnt that what matters??

he didnt cheat on her after marrying her....if she has some anxiety or worry over what he may/may not do in future....thats where the grey area is for her...she needs to digest this past of his....basically I guess we Indian women feel we are the whole n sole owners of our husbands ofcourse in a good way...but when you come across someone who says yeah I was with that guy...dated him for couple of years...it makes us feel oh gosh she knows more about him than me???? (am just thinking loudly....can this be the issue with OPs wife???)

 

aaah come on....can this be the hormones??? during this time most of us women have wild mood swings...blessed are those who didnt have these but many have these feelings of loneyness, sudden bouts of anger, depression, madness and again happy smiling positive etc..etc...

Just try to be romantic with her for a while...let her shout but tell her just because she shouts you wont go away...you care for her and your baby....tell her this is your family now and you will ensure no matter what...you all will stick around to each other...keep saying that....she just wants to hear it more n more

bring some flowers...take her to a nice movie / restuarant...give some surprise gifts...take her for shopping for the baby...do stuff with her....dont just stay away from her because she is sad/mad....it happens and what happened has happened...you cannot bring it back or make it right!!!

if you still think its not fixing any of this...ASK her openly what will fix all this....(but pls this is like the last strawww when you tried everything...thats when you ask this question...) and insist she gives an answer.

 

I agree with Srividya. Whatever was done, was in the past. Probably you should have mentioned your relationships to her before your wedding. I dont want to typecast Americans, but it is pretty normal for American to have premarital sex and she, as an Indian should have known that. Unless you have cheated her after your wedding,I dont see a reason for her to pull this thing pretty far so as to cause cracks in your marriage. Both of you are losing sleep over something done long long ago! She also is pregnant,so its not a good time to have these fights. Why dont you write a letter with your heartfelt feelings?Valentines day is coming up soon...make it a special one for her!!

 

Ah ..here is the problem.Pregnancy Harmones drives you crazy.Particularly when she is alone.Now it is your responsibility to make her cheerful and understand her biological changes.She must be fearing that you might stray like quiet a few hubbies out there who freak out while the wife is pregnant.And to top it all, your past must be haunting her.Make her feel she looks more beautiful carrying the baby.Bcoz some women feel that pregnancy makes them look not-so-good.Give her the confidence.Make her understand that she is the most important person in life and with your kid on the way you want her to be happy and will do anything to keep her happy.

As rosy8282 said, Valentine's day is coming up.Gear up!

NOTE : Let me warn you , mood swings due to pregnancy harmones are simply unpredicatable and wild.I had some issues with my hubby when I carried my first child but my hubby handled it very well.With every action of his he made me realise that I am the only one for him.

 

I don't quite agree with this statement. This may have been true some 25 years ago but now with a changing society it's not true anymore. Yes, most parents may still think premarital sex is immoral but I don't believe most urban kids think so. If you have patience or time, just watch some Indian Hindi movies made in the last few years and you will see they are streamlined to reflect the changing society. Am not saying movies are a bechmark, but if one opens their eyes and see they will see what am talking about. Premarital sex I've very very common these days in urbane Indian cities. Its accepted by many and is not a cultural shock.

Your wife's behaviour is not just kiddish but also hard to believe. Where did she grow up? And what's really her problem? If she had so many issues with your premarital affairs, why did she marry you? Did you tell her this at the time of marriage or before? Are there any lies involved? I think there are few questions to wonder about.