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My Next Problem - Help!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by advice, Jan 23, 2012.

  1. advice

    advice New IL'ite

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    For those of you who have read my first post, I am having issues with my fiance that he has no need of personal time, and that bothers me. I have decided to put that thought aside and not a make a big deal out of it, as though I dont want his friends and family to come along. So I stopped looking too deep into it.

    But now i am beginning to think that there is a deeper root to this problem. He is planning our honeymoon to be a family vacation. His sister, sister's husband, mom and dad are planning on joining us. Now what kind of a person would think that way??

    Help me. Do you think I should just break up with him? Its sad that my mind thinks this way after a wedding date has been fixed and after knowing him for 6 months. But I am really skeptical.
     
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  2. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    Please take this seriously. No sane person would take their entire family on their honeymoon. Even the so called momma's boy-disastrous husbands for their wives would not have spoilt their honeymoon like this. You will regret this when you have to compete with his family for attention every single time. You are lucky to get to see these signs before the wedding itself. Not everyone has this luck. Their husbands change after the wedding. I can understand your dilemma that everything has been settled and its too late. But you cannot just sit and watch!Ask him directly what his intentions are!
     
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  3. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    My best friends BIL was doing the exact thing to his wife...after marriage....he always used to leave his wife at home (in the name of taking care of his parents..) her inlaws used to take her to their daughters house in another city...leaving the son at home....they always used to take the DIL with them...never let the DIL & son alone at home.....eventually she filed for divorce just after 1 yr of marriage....because of the daily fights....some of them to an extent of she not cleaning the bathrooms....or she not eating the left over food from the previous day...or she not allowed to use laptop or internet at home....and she should never lock her bedroom....

    this guy was sooo much interested to get married to this girl that he even shared some of the wedding expenses....but after marriage its totally diff. case....the girl even complained this guyw as never intimate with her andkeeps finding faults with the way she dresses or walks/talks.

    Is this guy working in the same city as his parents? Please if you cant bear this over family involvement better step away rather than marrying this parents kid..(not a man!!!).....if you still want to go ahead with this man, remember to learn to live with his parents n sister...because there is nothin private b/w you n him...unless you can agree to that...dont move ahead with marriage...and dont make it complicated....for you and also him....make it clear what your expectations are.....if you cant talk now....you will never be able to later!!!
     
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  4. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Advice, There are warning signs all over.First of all he has never taken you out alone at all. The point of meetings before marriage is to get to know one another. Not get to know one another family and friends. There is plenty of time after wedding to do that. That itself shud have given you a big warning sign.Being outgoing,social is not bad but that is up to a point. Maybe he is sheltering himself by being among people when he meets you. One thing coming to mind is is he trying to hide something.

    The last straw wud be to make the honeymoon a family vacation.You shud not be thinking what we think here. what does your gut say. Do you honestly know him from 6 months. You might have seen 1/4 th of the person he is thru fone.What about the rest?You shud be skeptical now with so many inconsistencies.Good Luck.
     
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  5. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Is there a way to contact his ex and find out the real reason for his divorce? I would make that extra effort if I were you. Wedding dates are not set in stone, they can be postponed also. The reason he gave, per yr earlier thread, incompatibility can cover this situation also that you are facing. Better make sure before moving further into this process.
     
  6. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    just wanted to say one more thing....dont feel emotional about the kissing part.....agreed you trusted him so moved on a couple of steps further with him.....doesnt matter what extent you moved on...but if you have any slight worry or doubt...pls hold on...give some reason...make some reason and postpone the wedding...or say you are not ready and some how you are getting uncomfortable with this....
     
  7. vini31

    vini31 Gold IL'ite

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    postpone the wedding date ... try n thinkg of some seemingly valid reason till u get more info on his nature... a wedding can be moved or even called off if a truma of long term can be averted
     
  8. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    first try to talk to your fiance about your concerns and get to know his point of view.
     
  9. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    Very serious red alert. Better talk with his ex & find out why he is divorced. Don't proceed unless you are certain, you can handle it.

    As I mentioned earlier my ex was exactly like this. His parents, sisters were involved in each & everything and there was no privacy between us. His mom came with us to doctor even when we went there for contraception. His entire actions were based on how his parents or sister will take it.

    If you proceed,You will end up marrying a grown up child who still tries to please his parents and go to them for small issues. You will have to please your PIL's, sister,BIL 100% to avoid everyday fights with him.Beleive me, it's not at all simple as it appears.
     
  10. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,
    If you contact his ex then she might tell your fiance that u spoke to her..If at all they both are in contact with each other. This will break your relation ship with fiance / he will have grudge on u.
    better to be safe than repent.Leave this guy with out even telling any reason. One more reason I had a break up was that my ex never gave time to me. He left me all alone and always use to spend time with his BIL or on call with parents.
     

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