My Marriage - A Bag Of Lies!

Rajeni,

See...I do get all your points. You are completely right in your views and the facts will also remain same.
But still I would suggest, even if one percent you feel that he has a good heart then please halt the legal process. As I do not see any reason to hurry for divorce.Divorce can not be undone but can be delayed.
Until both of you feel that divorce is the ultimate solution, do not go for it.

You seem to be a very grounded and mature girl but you must be emotionally drained out by now. As I said, take some time off from all this, later also things may end up in divorce but at least by then you may not have all negativity/fog in you and a satisfaction that you did try your best. Above all, you both will agree for the same if it happens.

Till then keep your self free from any legal hassle or separation tensions and same for him.

Tell him since you have asked me not to hurt our people by asking divorce, I'm stopping it for the time being. But I'm emotionally too tired to put any effort in this marriage.When I wanted and dream of a life together with you, it got crushed due to circumstance, now it is hard for me to think the same again. If you are ready to put efforts then fine, but I will remain in Bangalore till I feel to start a married life with you again.

Do not assume his actions, just wait for his actual reaction.If he tries to put efforts (increased communication or whatever) you should not put "if and else" conditions to his efforts. Try to go with the flow, try to behave positive.
You two are still like strangers, just remove the husband tag from him and try to put a friend tag (expectations will automatically change).

He will also be very conscious in handling you and definitely involve his parents but you need to be firm in keeping the discussion between you two.
Just observe his behavior with a positive attitude leaving past behind. Give him another chance and see if he is genuinely putting efforts to save his marriage, you also do the same.

You are anyways not dying to be with him, just keep your heart and eyes open. Your heart and brain will give you answer in due course.

 

Op...don't waste your time and youth on this person.
He doesn't care .Period.
He has someone or something else in life ,whether a man, woman or issue .You are just a distraction to keep his parents off his back.Don't waste your time on him.
It takes time to get a divorce ,specially if it is not mutual.

If possible...find what the 'cause ' is ..it might help with closure and with the divorce.
Best wishes to you OP.

 

OP,

quit your job,go to Ireland for some time.come back and find another job.In a long distance relationship,the husband will not feel connected and will treat you as a friend.Live with him for sometime.Try to understand what his life style is,why he is not keen on leaving Ireland and how he treats you when you are both together and then go for divorce if necessary.There's nothing wrong in compromising a little bit.

 

OP..hope your family friend finds something that you can use.
You need to be less dependent on 'your side' people too.
What exactly have you gained by their collective wisdom?Could they prevent this fraud,could they pressurize the family to be reasonable?could they pressurize him to act like a responsible married man?
All they can do is pressurize you to compromise with a man who doesn't care.

Concentrate on your work and slowly remove 'your people' from the decision making in your life.For now,just say...you will see when he comes back and how he behaves.

 

Rajeni,
He is not replying because he knows it will only make matter worse and that is actually true.
Free yourself and him from relatives and legal stress.

A simple mail of 3-4 lines or message from your side should be enough for him to communicate to you.
Do not think it will be consider as your weakness, he will be in fact relived to find you approachable without divorce stress.

 

Your marriage is not legally registered. How come it required a legal divorce?
Can't you just move on with your life by separating him for now?

I mean, your H is a very toxic person, who brings only negativity to your life. With all these nagativities, you are gonna lose your emotional and physical health.

Just stay away from this man. Consider as if he doesn't exist at all.

Move on with your career, and other things to progress in your life.

Don't rush for another relationship with this mind set for now. Wait and enjoy being alone for now.
Embrace your loneliness and the present life.

Meanwhile, when things are really calm, process for divorce if that is required. Again, I am not sure, how come your marriage is legal if that is not registered. (Just quoting from your conversation with H)

 

Dear,
I think he might have been forced into marriage and also looks like either he had financial emergency or is just interested in earning more money.
He doesn't seem to even think about living as a family without financial commitment on your side as well. This may surely not work in the long run. It's better for you to move on in life, no point wasting time on this person.
He might be having some commitments in mind and hence might have married you as you are working, but he should have been open about what is happening. You deserve to know what is truely happening. Breaking trust that too before marriage and in the early stages is a big no no. Please take a break, relax and decide from your brain and heart. My prayers for you to be strong through all this. My respect to your parents who choose to be supportive to you. Don't think about society, its your life. Society will always speaks negative whatever happens. You deserve a better life dear. May God be with you throughout.