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My Marriage - A Bag Of Lies!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rajeni, Apr 13, 2016.

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  1. Nov 21, 2016 #91
    Rajeni

    Rajeni Moderator Platinum IL'ite

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    SGBV, My marriage is very much registered and legal. It's a christian marriage, so registered then and there at the church. H's meaning is that we did not elope and get married at the register office. So, my actions will affect both the family.

    So, Divorce s a must if I have to come out of this!
     
    Rajeni, Nov 21, 2016
    Rajeni, Nov 21, 2016
    #91
    SGBV likes this.
  2. Nov 21, 2016 #92
    Rajeni

    Rajeni Moderator Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks YM.. I understand..
     
    Rajeni, Nov 21, 2016
    Rajeni, Nov 21, 2016
    #92
  3. Nov 21, 2016 #93
    coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    @SGBV, if marriage is done with rites and rituals than marriage is legal, even if not registered, in India. Registration of marriage is done just for the sake of documentation not for making it legal.
    so even if marriage is not registered , one needs divorce to marry again, in absence of divorce, one is still married to same person legally.

    Edit: above is written for a hindu marriage.
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2016
    coolgal123, Nov 21, 2016
    coolgal123, Nov 21, 2016
    #93
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  4. Nov 21, 2016 #94
    JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    Rajeni,

    Ringht now you have lot of questions in your life.

    Why is he not willing to leave Ireland?why is he not missing me?why is he not much involved with my life?why is he money minded?why is he escaping from the divorce process?

    Right from the begining of marriage,you both were in a long distance relationship.To miss a person and to understand a person,you shoud live with them-not for a few days but atleast for a few years

    Your husband,is afraid to confront the situation.He is afraid of coming back to India,afraid of having a non working wife(many men want their wife to work as they see it as a status) and afraid of this divorce process also.So the only way he knows is to shut himself off so that there will not be any communication.

    Now coming to you-so your husband made a promise before marriage to come back and work in India,now he is unable to keep up his promise.Maybe he was afraid to tell you about this.think of other options other than him coming back and divorce and have an open converstaion with him-i know its too stressful,but give him a chance and see.
     
    JGVR, Nov 21, 2016
    JGVR, Nov 21, 2016
    #94
  5. Nov 21, 2016 #95
    Rajeni

    Rajeni Moderator Platinum IL'ite

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    JGVR, I dont expect him to miss me or understand me. What I expect is him to show at least little interest to live together, towards being a family.

    But, how long he can be like that? what solution he is providing himself by that?

    I did not come to this point coz he didnt keep up the promise he made before wedding. If so the issue would have started when he said that he would go back. From the time of engagement, The only thing I told him is that we have to live together at the same location - I explained that long distance relationship at the beginning of life will cause issues. I repeated the same again when he said he have to go back and asked him to take me with him. Mine was a better job than his, but I didnt mind leaving for the sake of saving my marriage, but I also didnt give an impression that I will sit at home, I said I will search for job there when I come there and I might get given my profile and experience, for that he too said that his friends' wives have done the same. But, after going back, he wanted me to try for job from here itself. I did that too, but I had to give date of leaving for my current job - this I asked him and he agreed to Apr 1, but even after that he didnt talk about any processing, only about job.
    If he wanted a wife who would stay here and earn when he is abroad, then why does he want to marry one who didnt agree to that from the beginning? Why to keep giving her false promises!

    Anyway.. now, if you suggest that I should consider something other than he coming back and divorce, then whatelse can I do? Go to Ireland? Without knowing what's in store there for me? How can I quit my job and go when he has clearly indicated that my job is of priority?
    Else, the last option is his way! he will happily agree to maintain this long distance relationship. May be he will come back when they throw him out, say 2 years at the minimum? what will be left of this relationship then?!
     
    Rajeni, Nov 21, 2016
    Rajeni, Nov 21, 2016
    #95
  6. Nov 22, 2016 #96
    Madhumagie

    Madhumagie Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Rajeni

    The way you have shared things shows that how much emotionally you are drained !
    Listen there is no point in we discussing things which have already gone stale in front of everybody , we discuss 100 people come up with there own suggestions . So go the church pray there to the God and listen to your gut feeling you get wat is good for you. Carry on rajeni if you keep discusing and reading replies from people about so personal so personal life issues its not going to end anywhere . Come back here after 6 months whoever had read your mail would have left a suggestion for you. Tell me honestly will all this work.

    I am not trying to give you gyan on this , i could feel how much emotional trauma u might be going through, just want to save your emotional turbulence by having more discussions .

    Discuss there is no hasle in it , but think will all our suggestions and consoling you to show you the right direction of decision helps in you taking your life important decision ???

    So i suggest take time from everything including your relatives husband also your own self , give space to yourself spend time with yourself first and then decide what will come your way

    Dear i want you to be happy in the end thats all and nothing else .
     
    Madhumagie, Nov 22, 2016
    Madhumagie, Nov 22, 2016
    #96
    periamma and madras2018 like this.
  7. Nov 22, 2016 #97
    JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    Rajeni

    read your reply and could see how stressed you are.i wish there is some close relative or a person who is close to your husband,who can talk to him and instill some sense in him
     
    JGVR, Nov 22, 2016
    JGVR, Nov 22, 2016
    #97
  8. Dec 4, 2016 #98
    athma

    athma Senior IL'ite

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    Rajeni,
    He seems to be a difficult person and selfish. One of my friends had similar situation Except he is not NRI. He lives in same city bit away from his and they over the phone used to cause friction between them by provoking him using his weakness of his selfishness. He used to go to his parents house whenever his wish wants to be fulfilled (funny though) and continue to stay there. Then why they made him got married. it was love marriage. so pathetic.
    Now Thing you could do after big consultation is,
    1. Do not leave your job. That should be ur ultimate goal.

    2. If he does not come within stipulated given time then go for judicial separation on the ground of Desertion. Let him give money of maintenance for that 1 year. And still he cant live with you then go for divorce.
    or
    Let him come for family counseling atleast.

    3. He is not going to miss you. DOnt expect love from money minded and puppet, selfish person. You deserve more.

    Now he needs to come for you. You did everything. Dont ever project that he means so much to you. He use that as trump card and weakness.
    Finally record evrything as document. Either as video or paper works or email.
     
    athma, Dec 4, 2016
    athma, Dec 4, 2016
    #98
  9. Apr 17, 2018 #99
    madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Rajeni

    I have been following your fiction stories online and I was reminded of this thread of yours. What did you finally decide on doing ? I know its almost 2 years. Did you guys patch up ? Did you move ? Did he move ? Or did you call it quits ?

    Almost as suspense filled & nail biting as your write-ups.

    Whatever the outcome hope you have found peace.
     
    madras2018, Apr 17, 2018
    madras2018, Apr 17, 2018
    #99
    Rajeni likes this.
  10. Apr 17, 2018 #100
    Rajeni

    Rajeni Moderator Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi @madras2018 ! Thanks for checking! We have filed for mutual at the beginning of this month. We had to wait for 2 years as per the spl marriage act and that was over this Feb and obviously some amount of talking and threatening (siting heavy alimony/maintenance) from our advocate was required to make them agree for mutual and we filed in April. Planning to apply a waiver negotiating the 6 month wait, if that is not accepted in court have to wait for another 6 months. In the interim 1.5 years never once he or his parents tried to contact me to talk things out. He did not even give a single try/ a single msg/call. That shows his interest/inclination.

    Looks like it was his parents who were a little upset that the all their lies had gone waste. Initially, they were evasive, hoping that they can drag this till their son plans on-his-own(company's)-will to come back but immediately after the mention of alimony, they are ready for divorce! At least that's one good thing happened preventing things from getting even more dirtier.

    Glad that you read my stories!! Do leave your feedback when you get a chance!
     
    Rajeni, Apr 17, 2018
    Rajeni, Apr 17, 2018
    #100
    blissfull likes this.
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