my maid was beaten

Could be true. They dont want to lose the relationship and the SIL being a drunkard, her mom must have thought he will anyway not leave her. That is actually partially true. Poor people cannot be controlled even by police. Their drinking habits do not let them think rationally and hence they misbehave anywhere. The only option to your late maid would have been to relocate to another city/town without letting her husband know. But again without people's support it would have been difficult for her.

I remember 2 instances similar to this case.

1)My ex-colleague who was from a lower middle class family and without parents loved a guy when she was 18. And soon they got married,with the approval of both families. The guy started drinking and turned abusive,didnt go to work and harassed her for money. So she had to work outside to support her family. But her husband used to suspect her character very badly. I still remember he used to call her in office landline to confirm if she was in office. Later his behaviour became extremely abusive and she got to know he has bi-polar disorder. She put him in rehab centre for alcohol and also was trying to treat him for his mental disorder.

Until today, he is just the same.He escapes from the rehab centre everytime and come s in search of her. Life for her is definitely challenging. But she is not mentally strong to leave him and relocate to another city. She still loves him at times, we tell her it may not be love but just a need for company in life. She still is not accepting the reality that life with him is not worth the pain she is undergoing.

2)The 2nd instance is that of my maid's sister. She married her own cousin/uncle for whom it was a 2nd marriage.The guy already had 2 dauhters.Once she got maried, she delivered 2 kids.But itseems she was harassed by her MIL and the step daughters that she decided to suicide when her 2nd child was 6 months old. Listening to this, I wondered how she could take such an extreme step having 2 small children. But I doubt if she could have had post partum depression. People around her might have obviously neglected her issues.
This happened some 10-11 yrs back. And some 5 yrs ago the guy was killed by some people for some issue in village. Now the kids,a girl 16 yrs old and guy some 10-11 yrs old are trying to survive without parental affection. They stay with grand parents but yet they realise the void in their life and the challenges wihout parents. Th girl now hates her mother because she feels her mom didnt think about them and decided to end her life.

I feel very sad with such cases, because it is not even very easy to advice the woman to move out of her family because she will be threatened and abused by the own husband.And we outsiders can only advice the women to move out,but we will not be in a position to offer any further support. Obviously everyone of us has our own issues in life.Just wish the society changes and makes women feel more safe.

 

Please dont call me Maam
Anyway dont keep beating yourself about this.These relationship issues are life long. Just one intervention or effort to create peace will not guarantee long term peace.Unless the parties involved realise where they are going wrong,no one can help them.

Stay happy and enjoy your pregnancy. It could very well be your hormones trying to amplify negativity.Move on and try to keep your mind occupied in some other thing.If there is something you can do from your part,it is to raise your child to be good natured bold and level headed to face life.

 

We outsiders can do so much. Just that how much we are willing to help others, by stretching a little bit more from our comfort zone matters.

I have helped a lot of unfortunate women like this in the past - say a few years back, with the support of an active network here.
Now that I am really busy with my own personal/familial issues, thus I have very little time to look out for such survivors who in need of help.
However, I will surely get back to this social work once my personal issues are settled.

First of all, you can give an ear to them. Venting helps a lot to have a clear idea about their way forward in such situations.
Non judgmental listening is a great support
While listening to their vent, you can probe for further details like the frequency of the abuse, pattern, why isn't anyone to help, possible help system around etc.
In fact, these women know these things, but their brain stop functioning when they are in such a poor state.
So, it is like reassuring and confirming them about the available support system.

You can inform about this abuse to the help-line (if any).
Social media can play a great role. You and your friends can find a solution to this by not sharing the personal ID of the survivor though. (You can share the case with anonymous ID).

More than this, you can support the survivor with food, shelter and other facilities for sometimes till they recover. You can advocate for them, because many of their relatives do not see their POV, due to the society's design.
So, they really need some 3rd person - possibly someone from an affluent society to validate their decision.

You can mediate with the abuser if he has some fear or respect for you. You can refer him to relevant center to cure if he is an alcohol addict.

The religious entity like temple, church or mosque has a role to play here. You can refer this case to their relevant religious society if necessary.

Just that... there are lot of system excising. But no one comes forward to approach these systems.
The grass root women may not have the awareness, and the women who have awareness may not have the heart or facility to help.
We must surely fill this gap.

I am in a hurry... will share how I supported similar cases before in a diff post later

 

[QUO TE="sindmani, post: 3982153, member: 425830"]The news which is pestering my heart came through my former neighbour in India. My maid expired by commiting suicide. She was beaten a lot and people went for panchayath. When things settled down,her husband went to his work. But she drank pois..n.this is what I heard. I feel for her. She is good at heart. At least if that fellow had not beaten her she would have been alive. She is too young . she was married earlier and that too her own mom's younger brother. Her daughter is left motherless . God is sometimes really not merciful. Merciful God was our school prayer though. But real world is not God living place .[/QUOTE]
Rest in peace...

 

[QU mOTE="sindmani, post: 3982157, member: 425830"]In this case my maid(M)'s mom itself did not support her that much. She would ask her to adjust to all his beatings(fateful) and for her husband after hospitalization too she should work and bring money with out taking rest. She should provide the money in his hands. Her mom( she too was a maid in that area, I knew her) couldn't do anything but as per my M's words she has little soft corner for her brother( son in law).[/QUOTE]
Her mother is equally responsible for her daughter's death. She should have taken her daughter under her wings..... instead...
Poor soul.... She did not have anybody to turn to....

 

RIP.
This is the sad reality of being born a poor woman in India.
It is a curse.

 

'Tis a curse to be born at all.