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My Life So Far...:(

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by amunique, Jun 30, 2017.

  1. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

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    ILadies..
    my life so far...
    ---Got married in the year 2015,to a cheat(he faked his bio data, salary etc),abusive marriage,so living seperately since 2.3 years to till date.
    ---dint apply for divorce since my father is not at all supportive, i am unemployed now,no financial support, mom is housewife, we are currently living in my mom's parents place after they have left the world.
    ---A computer science engineer by profession, worked in mncs in India,but not technically very strong,managed all this while, now want to rather must go to some work to support me n mom.
    ---i am morbidly obese,4.11 ft at 90kgs, not able to take constructive efforts to reduce weight,because if i plan my diet and exercise regime, i ll have to do all the cooking myself as my mother doesnt help,its the way she is since long,btw she is obese too. and i end up being tired, and cant do anything regarding my job search.
    ---i have exhausted all my little assets,gold etc till now, to pay up for the emi for the flat i bought just because we wanted a place to stay in chennai.now its become a burden for me.i did spend amount on my credit cards for gifting my husband for festivals since my father denied having any money,i saved family reputation.
    ---i am here, without the least hope, 32 years of age and still cant figure out where am i heading to in life.
    i am a failure in everything:(
    i am lost..
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2017
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  2. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Am-unique , first of all work on your self esteem. If losing weight is what will make you feel better about yourself , start right away ! You don't need to cook something fancy ,start with cooking simple and healthy food. Start excercising ( yoga and walking ). Once you feel better about yourself, apply for jobs that are suited to your education and experience . Tackle your issues one thing at a time , so you are not overwhelmed. Don't be disheartened , you have control of your life, make it the way you want it to be .
     
    Itsmylife143, minn1, amunique and 2 others like this.
  3. Cielo

    Cielo Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear amunique, please share your location and your profile - will check with some recruiters for job search. Preparing and appearing for interviews should take your mind off. Join a few online technical forums and online courses to enhance your skills required for the jobs you aspire. While you are at it, you could do some volunteer work or give tuition to children in the neighbourhood. Taking short brisk walks at a nearby park could help you divert your mind and get you good sleep for a fresh start.

    I know its easy to say than to do - but whatever has happened in the past, has happened at no fault of yours. You have all the qualities required and an inspiring user name too, to sustain yourself and move forward. Just tell yourself that you can do it and YOU WILL! Wish you all the best for this new start!
     
    amunique likes this.
  4. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you sandy candy!.. I am really in a very depressed and confused state now because, both preparing for interviews as well as trying to reduce weight --these two things are giving me a lot of confidence yet,i am unable to give my 100% to either of these. cos by the time i exercise and make food, i m loosing time which i am thinking (while preparing food) that i could have prepared for interviews in this time etc.. i am feeling very restless.
    on top of all these,if i open fb and see the status updates of my friends (so called), i am feeling bad about myself..so i switched off my phone two days ago.
    i need to do something, but where and how to start and persist i dont know :(
     
    Sandycandy likes this.
  5. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Cielo, thank you so much, your words mean a lot to me!! i am currently at vijayawada, andhra pradesh. i can move to chennai as my father is there with grandparents. i can go anywhere in south india too.location is not a constraint.how do i share my profile ? please let me know.
    i am in a very confused state now.and yes as you said, i had a worst past because i was not much planned before (when i had job etc) some relative of mine, my cousin, used me for monetary gains,i was very much naive at that time so as the saying goes, "a cheater cheats as long as one allows" and since my parents were also not very supportive may be they were also and even now i think they are too unworldly.
    i am feeling good at times and terrible the next moment. and yes preparing for interviews is making me feel good but if i give a gap just because i am unable to manage time, its making me feel worse. i am preparing schedules,but unable to stick to them, i dont know why :(
     
  6. minn1

    minn1 Silver IL'ite

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    pls dont have such thoughts you are not wasting anytime while preparing food .
    Now on follow a routine.dont worry about Results now .now is your time for karma.Trust me , you WILL get the result,Now let us fix a time period say 6 months.dont think it is too far way because job search can sometimes stretch which can make you depressed so u shd be prepared.

    Now six months is your time after that you can leave it to almighty .
    Now wake up at a fixed time ,make a small space imagine that as your office.you need to work like how if you are going to office .Then reg food , u should make avoid all hotels foods from today even if it means staying hungry.take that determination you will only eat good food.Now, start stocking your fridge,yes i mean it !!stock it with fruits,vegetables ,dry fruits .these r all your snacks and eat lavishly(but only these things) dont stay hungry. dont spend too much time in kitchen make cooking easier.no need for any elaborate curries but u should make something .just 1 hour in kitchen in the morning is more than enough if you plan it well.whole week plan should be there in your mind regarding food.
    Next is skill upgradation try to learn latest technologies where there is huge job demand,u can try online courses.u need to be dedicated no other way out and this is your office time .be professional even when no one is watching,work like in office.
    Then post lunch u can do some household chores like sweeping,cleaning,washing.u can make some home made facials etc ,it is also very relaxing,also u can visit some temples everyday Rememeber u should walk to the temple.there is no need of gym if u do household chores and have a relaxing walk everyday.(double benefit).
    Last but not the least cut away negative people.be it your father ,mother anybody .with ur mother or father you can ignore their comments now and focus on your task at hand
    Later when you become successful these ppl turn around .
    Remember now is your testing time if you pass this you will be successful forever.
    If u feel u have hit Rock bottom considered urself very lucky to reach that stage at the tender age of 32,because now there is only one way that is 'up'.any improvement u make is climbing steps up.consider u got to learn life lessons at this age when capable of doing something.Now get up and start going for u the steps are only up.
    No need of brooding , depression ,sadness all that can wait ,u can think of all that after 6 months . Now your very busy focus on your job and start your routine.
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2017
    amunique likes this.
  7. BDivya

    BDivya Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi @amunique : First of all to start with- for financial support u can initially start to work in any schools/play school..from which u can earn as a start.. and u can parallelly search for MNC and focus on losing weight.. remember all these cant be achieved in a day.. it will take few months, but after that u will be a confident person with a job and salary..may be u can search for another alliance that time!!

    for start u HAVE to meet ur financial needs FIRST, so get urself into any small /medium job in ur local area-like a school, etc.. and once u get hold of ur routine, life, the megre salary u yourself will feel motivated to search efficiently for a better mnc job..

    and to lose weight, u can tallocate seperate time for all the tasks.. u just have to keep doing exercises/yoga reguraly and dont care about the results.. just keep doing for a month..then look into mirror and u will find a difference..

    dont worry :) try to keep urself happy and going..then later u ll eventually be happy :) pray to god, he will help u :)

    once u get any job in ur local area, file a divorce(if u really dont want to live with ur H) because once u file a divorce and proceed wth it, ur H will have to pay u as a part of dicvorce -alimony.. so this money also would be helpful for u..

    just pray to god and be strong :):)
     
    amunique likes this.
  8. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Less will power, lower self confidence n esteem along with all the negative thoughts and memories, and lack of proper support and maybe a mild depression is pushing you down on this path. That's why though you 'feel' you want to do, you can't stick to 'doing' it.

    Don't let it over power or control you. Remind yourself that you are the boss. It may seem impossible now but when you see the changes after a mountain of hard work, you will be ecstatic. N all the less-low- no-negative will become more-high- yes- positive.

    Am suggesting a few options for you to try out...

    You are just 32 and have your whole life ahead. Join courses if possible and make similar aged friends. Keep any negative people away from you. You don't need their negativity in your life.

    Start small, in 24 hours,
    Take 3-6 hours for preparing for interviews
    Take another 3-6 for walk, yoga, healthy food preparation
    Rest of 12-18 hours, do whatever you want. Initially just try to stick to that 3-6 hours schedule and slowly increase.

    A few professional options:
    Take that 3-6 hours every day to look for jobs online, call consultants, companies.
    Look for new opportunities, may not match your qualification but something that interests you. Some opening says any graduate with zero experience are also ok. Pick your interest.
    Learn new stuff online
    You can take home tuition for your neighbourhood kids as it will give you some money in hand, kids can bring in energy into the house and elevate your mood, it will give you some start to change your mind and your home environment.

    A few options for your Health:
    Avoid eating any junk, oily, sweet food. Don't even buy it.
    Stop eating when not hungry.
    Drink water whenever you think you are hungry.
    Reduce the quantity of food. Have a small bowl to measure, eat only one bowl at a time. If hungry, eat one more bowl after one/ two hours.
    Go to the local shop / market nearby to pick groceries. Walk. Carry.
    If your mom can help, ask her to help with chopping vegetables. Or You can keep chopped vegetables ready at all times in the fridge and you can just cook it everyday, not the healthiest option but better than reaching for a packet of chips.
    Keep banana, guava, raw carrots, cucumber sticks to eat as snacks. Cut it n put in a box n keep next to you.
    Walk for atleast 30-60 minutes everyday, n slowly start doing it once in the morning and once in the evening.
    If yoga is possible, it's a better option too.
    If you like to dance, go to your room, turn on music and just enjoy.
    Just keep doing everyday and soon you will start to notice the difference.
     
    kalcandu and amunique like this.
  9. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

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    Dear minn1,
    firstly thank you so so much for such positive vibes and encouraging words.
    all those which you said,is indeed a practical approach for solving out my problems.

    and karma, keeps teaching us unless we learn the lessons. that is what is happening to me right now.
    sticking to a daily routine, learning out technologies etc and most importantly i need to be persistent.
    now that i am being helped by some beautiful souls out here, i feel much relieved. very happy to see the responses. i can sense now that i am not alone.
    By God's grace and my hard work, i should be able to post an update to this in a few months to come!!
    Thanks again, friend.:relieved:
     
  10. minn1

    minn1 Silver IL'ite

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    Yes ammu, I did this in my life though my situation was different .I had to work on my weakness and finally the proverb 'God help those who help themselves' came to be true.trust me if u follow this Iam suree even after few disappointments amazing things wud happen.At that time please come and update.no need to have any doubt.Now ur focus is only 'u' and u shd start from today no excuses,after that we can find time for depression not now
     
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