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My Life is a total mess!!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shubhrata, Jan 10, 2012.

  1. shubhrata

    shubhrata Senior IL'ite

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    Hi wonderful ladies out there...Pl bear with my long letter and I am really awaiting for ur replies dat wud heal the pain in my heart.
    I am married for 5 years with 4 yrs old daughter. I am working in a reputed IT company and my h is a businessman. The problem is with my h. I really dont know wat to do with this guy. He is such a drunkard. Not an occasional as u all think...he does it daily as he is a person from slum who drinks daily and beats his wife for money. we dont have any financial problems....happy with a cute kid..life is somewat smooth...but this guy finds a reason to drink. I am facing this problem for the past 5 years and he didnt reveal dat he is having this habit before marriage... his parents also know abt this and they are helpless and we are nt able to find a solution...

    he used to abuse me physically and verbally in fron of his parents..they support me but goes nothing before him....OMG wat bad words he uses.. i havent heard such bad words in my lifetime... all the weekends it happens..not only in weekends it continues....all the weekends goes like this..no outing nothing.....i am afraid of weekends..although having tough time in office in weekdays...many times i have told him dat we shall go to doctor.. he will tell yes and later he refuses to come and the story continues.... my life is such a hell...nowadays i prefer to be at office instead of goin home....i feel like murdering him by giving poison in milk before he goes to bed...such a mental torture from him....

    I have told my parents abt this...they are telling dat they will come to my house ant talk to him and my in laws but i am very afraid that this might cause more agony to my husband and he may treat them badly as my parents are mentally very weak and my mother is a heart patient..

    Pl help me ladies wat shall i do?? i am thihnking to go for divorce but when i think of my daughter's future i leave this matter...I am not at all happy with him...my future is a big ?
     
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  2. Soumedh

    Soumedh Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Sorry to hear this!being educated and financially independent you are going through all this...very bad.
    At any cost strongly confront physical abuse at first place.Does he behave badly only when he is drunk?If so then counselling to stop drinking is the only solution left.You have to speak to elders from both the families to resolve this issue.If it continues like this it will impact on your daughter.
    Try to go out with your daughter during weekends and avoid being near him when he is drunk thus you can avoid verbal as well as physical abuse.Stay away few days from him see if any changes in his behaviour.
    Take care
     
  3. sindura16

    sindura16 Bronze IL'ite

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    If u want peaceful life...just get a divorce...yes iam very sure , these kind of drunkard people never change...so u r wasting ur life n putting ur daughters life in danger tooo...

    there is no cure for drinking problem until unless they them selves realize that...

    you r educated, well settled so why worry...if u r worrying about society, please don't care about them who does not help u in any way when u r being abused...

    you r in a stage where u think its better , he is dead...then its time to get out of this day to day hell...

    hope u will take bold step for ur kid happiness...
     
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  4. puspita

    puspita Silver IL'ite

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    Hi

    Feeling sorry for ur situation..

    Remember 1 thing, if his parents can not do anything for his behavior, bad habits, then what ur parents can do??

    Its better not to involve ur parents...and moreover ur mom is a heart patient..so the situation will become more complicated..

    your H does not listen to u, ur in laws, even does not care for a little baby, then how can he listen to your parents??Plz don't go for this...

    If he is not changing, its better to go for a separation...These types of persons wont change easily...
     
  5. DST

    DST Bronze IL'ite

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    Just these things struck in my mind reading your post...Why don't you take him to the doctor for treatment? Did you talk about the worst things happen to the family and especially your daughter seeing this everyday?

    Why don't you warn him,take a break and stay in your parents for time being? Make him realise the consequences he'll face being drunkard...
     
  6. tinku

    tinku Silver IL'ite

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    Dear,
    Sorry for your situation.

    I think you can take him for a health-check up and the check-up of the liver status. Ask a doctor to speak to him about the results.

    You can even take him to a counsellor then. Let the counsellor advice. But talk to him in a nice way when he is in a good mood and make it happen.

    Ask your parents to wait a little till you finish all these. If he doesnt change after all these (I mean if you could successfully take him to a health-check up and then to a counsellor), then let your parents intrude, but not alone, with your in-laws too to be present when they talk about this to him.

    Try all these instead of thinking about divorce.

    Good luck. God bless you to have a peaceful married life.

    Special regards
     
  7. delightedmom

    delightedmom New IL'ite

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    sorry to hear about ur situation dear..
    right now ur husband badly needs medical attention, he is addicted to his habit... try enlisting his parents help, there must be some organisations which deal with alcohic person rehablitation.. they might be able to give u some help..
    as for u, take a bold step atleast for ur child sake.. this is not a right environment for growing in....
    my advice is to leave out ur parents from it now as it might complicate things a bit...
    give it a try with his parents help..
    also find out y he started this is his friends circle tat way or is there any other issue? is he good to u wen not drunk??
    keep urself strong to get over this dear....
     
  8. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    how about...just separating yourself and kid from him...live separately and warn him to come to doctor/therapist..if not say that you are not ready to live with him....dont go for divorce...but live separately..that way let him decide if he wants family n kid or drinking....

    but its hard to change such a hard core drunkard....because they need to have strong will power...and many lack that..( am sure they know what they are doing..and saying...when they are drunk)
     
  9. pears123

    pears123 New IL'ite

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    hi,

    going to a doctor will not be sufficient for such people there is something called as AA(alchoholic anonymous) if ur in chennai there are lot of AA`s its for people have been addicted to drinks.ive heard about many people go there and change but def not an overnight change...but there will be tremendous improvement.else u can try TTK in thirvanmayur..
     
  10. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    The situation looks pretty bad. I don't think he would change. Make an attempt to take him to doctor and put some sense into his head. If it does not work out one more small step before finally separating.....stay separately for a while with your daughter. It may change his thinking (doubtful), but he may agree to go to doctor and go for counselling. It is only a hope. Not sure. Even if it does not work out...final thing is separation, because you have to think of your little daughter. It is not good for her to grow with a drunken father.Already if his liver is spoiled...no salvation.Society is not that bad....even if they comment you need not care for it. You have a job, a beutiful daughter...she can grow in a healthy environment. A good single parent is enough. Parents and in laws...you can bring them into picture.Need not keep them in the dark. They will eventually know. You can inform them what is happening but I don't think that man would listen to them. When he is not caring for his wife and daughter do you think he would listen to parents and in laws? Don't make you life hell for no fault of yours.
     
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