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My Interview With Rahul Baba

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, Feb 19, 2014.

  1. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    lame it on my horribly sore throat or give it credit . Either way my vocal chords gone horribly wrong due to an infection were responsible for this marvelous experience.

    It all began when one day I woke up with a terribly burning throat and was totally at loss for words. Only strange gurgling noises were coming out of my mouth. My concerned wife immediately sent me packing to the doctor.

    You know when you live in a VIP area, you are surrounded by people gifted with what can be expressed by the mysterious term “connections” I didn’t gauge that even “unconnected” guys like me could be under watch.

    So as I was trudging towards the clinic a car stopped by my side and the driver asked for directions. Butwhen I tried to reply to him only gurgling sound came from my mouth. I failed to notice the delighted look in the driver’s face . The backdoor opened and I was bundled into thje car by a couple of hefty chaps.

    Somehow, I managed to convey that I was going to the doctor / “We are doctors too” said one of the hefty guys “Spin doctors for baba”. “You are in right hands” said the other laughing.

    “Nirmal Baba?” somehow the two words escaped defying the diktats of my throat to shut up.

    “No you dumbo Rahul Baba?”

    “”What’s the difference?” I just don’t know why I asked that stupid question.

    “The difference is Rahul Baba gets unlimited free time on TV channels while Nirmal Baba has to pay through his nose for it. Oh, never mind you must be curious to know why we have picked you up. We want you to interview Rahul Baba.


    My throat again sat down with a thud and gurgling noises replaced words again.

    “You may wonder how you are qualified” said one of the spin doctors.. Say thanks to your sore throat for it”

    I looked at him quizzically.

    .”You see Rahul’s very first TV interview with Arnab Goswami was a disaster. Without even Arnab trying Baba repeatedly put his foot into his mouth, Public opinion polls held after the interview showed that Congress tally in the Lok Sabha polls this year wouldn’t cross the double digit. If he gives one more interview to a sharpwitted TV journo we figure the tally won’t cross even single digit. That’s why we chose you. With your sore throat you are the ideal interviewer for Baba instead of some journo whose throat soars and scares the hell out of Baba”..

    I wondered what did my throat have to do with my interviewing Rahul.

    “Because your throat can only make gurgling nises and no words are coming out you are the ideal interviewer. Don’t worry about Baba not understanding your questions. He has all the answers ready. He has learnt them by rote.. You ask him whether chicken came first or egg or about the economic situation , the answers will be the same. Any question is as good as the funny noises you are making now”..


    So I was ushered into the august presence of Baba who rewarded me with one of his famous beatific smiles and motioned me to sit.


    “All right shoot” said Baba.


    So I opened my mouth and gurgled.

    “Ah I see you are asking about the opposition ideology” said Baba “You see they have no space for womn in their ideology. Intelligence r gathered about the early days of Narendra Modi reveal that when he traveled in buses he always occupied ladies’ seats and never bothered to vacate them when a woman passenger got in”.

    Boy, that was a breathtaking scoop. I realized what intelligence agencies are for. And people say Baba is devoid of intelligence!

    Talkuing of intelligence, I wanted to know t how come intelligence agencies had the guts to contradict his claim that ISI agents contacted refugees from communal violence in Muzaffernagar UP. But “We brought in food security bill and RTI” Baba said in response to my next gurgle

    “I got tired so I just asked him how many Congressmen does it take to screw in a light bulb.. But thanks to my throat he had no clue about my questions. So he went on and on waxing eloquent about women’s empowerment.

    To my next gurgle he sai Congress knights in shining rushed to the aid of surds in need of Sikhs in distress during the 1984 riots ,. “We also lowered the poverty line so that more people could come above it” he declared with his beatific smile.

    As he was speaking his voice slowly faded and my eyes closed. Then I woke up with a start as someone shook me. “Sorry Rahul Baba I nodded ofr” I said.

    “Rahul Baba? It is not any baba but biwi who woke you up stupid” said my wife. “I told you to go to the doctor and you instead hit the bed and were gurgling away to glory in your sleep. Now off with you before the clinic closes”. And if you keep watching the news channels you will have nightmares like this. stick to soaps”.
     
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  2. racr

    racr Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: My Interview With Rahul Babat

    Hilarious,Balajee! I heard so much about the infamous Rahul interview by Arnab Goswami,that I tried watching it on youtube.Couldn't watch it beyond 5 minutes! But this one,I would very much like to view again and again!
     
  3. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    1 person likes this.
  4. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: My Interview With Rahul Babat

    Dear Balajee,

    Only you and no one but you can write such a hilarious interview with Rahul Baba. It shows that even in our dreams, we can't think any different about Rahul Baba. Thank God, your wife woke you up from that horrible nightmare (probably daymare). Keep those wonderful posts coming until the election and probably after that media will have no time for Rahul Baba and it would be difficult for you to even dream about him.
     
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  5. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: My Interview With Rahul Babat

    Dear Balajee,

    i am am now worried about Rahul baba effect! It seems he has entered your psyche!! Watch out and let Arnab handle him while you tend to your more important throat! gigglingsmiley

    L, Kamla
     
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  6. dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    Re: My Interview With Rahul Babat

    Loved it!!

    I was LMAO when i read this.. laugh1smiley
     
  7. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: My Interview With Rahul Babat

    Racr. sorry you couldn't watch it beyond five minutes. I thought it was hilarious. Looks like I have successfully met the challenging task of overtaking on humour quotient.
     
  8. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: My Interview With Rahul Babat

    "Entertaining" is an understatement. It was absolutely howlerious. Baba's partymen require a lesson or two from him on utting their feet into their mouths.
     
  9. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: My Interview With Rahul Babat

    Viswa thanks. I think baba is destined for the garbage dump of history.But until then I am sure he will keep us entertained. And my nightmares will keep coming though my improved throat disqualifies me from interviewing Baba again.
     
  10. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: My Interview With Rahul Babat

    Kamla, I cannot match Arnab when it comes to lung power or throat power and unfortunately my throat has improved disqualifying me from interviewing Baba/
     

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