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My Interaction With Sil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Dishaa, Dec 11, 2017.

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  1. Dec 11, 2017 #1
    Dishaa

    Dishaa Gold IL'ite

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    Hi friends,

    I have come up with an issue, please help...

    The current scenario, is past 5 months SIL & Dh stopped interacting, reason (once Dh didn't responded to her calls as he was sleeping). I & SIL barely share any bonding because of various reasons, but this doesn't effect others. So just to break the ice between DH & SIL (reason known only to me and Dh) I proposed a family foreign trip which included Dh and myself, MIL, FIL & my father (if his health permits), SIL, her husband and kid, which was happily agreed by all (except SIL as DH spoke with her husband).

    During my call to SIL during her anniversary, I shared her about our proposal for foreign trip, while chatting she inquired about the expenses part (Flight, visa and currency to be borne individually, rest will be borne by us), to which her remark was "She won't share anything from her side as she have the guts to hold her husband collar, my Dh collar (her elder brother) and her parents collar, and she will get all the money for her foreign trip".

    I felt she tried to hurt me reason is:
    1. Myself and Dh are equally sharing the entire trip expenses.
    2. My father as compared to my in laws are not so financially stable, I would have to bear his cost too as I can't expect Dh bear his expenses.
    3. Even our both combined salary is very less than SIL husband income.

    Now my problem is don't know whether I am over reacting or just fearing that she will ruin my first foreign trip, which will be supported by her parents, her husband and my Dh too. I am at a fix that since I was the one who initiated this trip, so I can't back off.
     
    Dishaa, Dec 11, 2017
    Dishaa, Dec 11, 2017
    #1
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  2. Dec 11, 2017 #2
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Why ....why would you make such a plan girl?:rolleye:

    There is a saying in hindi...aa bail mujhe maar.(self inviting trouble)

    To avoid a vacation full of collar pulling,cancel the vacation citing throat problems.
     
    yellowmango, Dec 11, 2017
    yellowmango, Dec 11, 2017
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  3. Dec 12, 2017 #3
    sweetsmiley

    sweetsmiley Platinum IL'ite

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    haha,,, I second YM's suggestion.. u invited the big time and very costly troubleee....
    Best thing is to cancel the trip or make it as a local trip stating some XYZ reason..
    And why do u really want to do all this patch up?
    Adults can deal and fix the relationship problems...
    Calculate all the cost and say to ur husband that u made mistake by not listening to him...
    And ask him the suggestion how to deal and try to change it to local trip
     
    sweetsmiley, Dec 12, 2017
    sweetsmiley, Dec 12, 2017
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  4. Dec 12, 2017 #4
    DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Agree with others. Why invite troubles?

    SIL & Dh- they are grown ups . Let the sister and brother solve their issues themselves.
    It is better not to involve in it and don't give much importance. continue as normal to both as if you are unaware of the reason for the conflict. Canceling the foreign vacation may be the best option. May be you can switch to any local destination, if you badly need a family vacation. Later you can plan a foreign trip with your family
    If they are destined patch up, they will do it in local trip itself.
     
    DDream, Dec 12, 2017
    DDream, Dec 12, 2017
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  5. Dec 12, 2017 #5
    chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, Your SIL is showing her highhandedness by making that statement. You did a big mistake. Never try to intervene in IL's friction. It will come back to bite you big time. Let your hubby and SIL settle this by themselves. Your SIL didn't want to look like she needs your help in making relationship with her brother so made that offhand comment. Nowadays nobody can demand anything from any family members.

    Cancel the plan immediately. Your SIL is trouble a mile away. You will have trouble here big time.Good Luck.
     
    chocolate, Dec 12, 2017
    chocolate, Dec 12, 2017
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  6. Dec 12, 2017 #6
    MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    You should have let sleeping dogs lie. What is the need to drag your whole khandaan on your first foreign trip and pay for it yourself? Consider it a lesson learned and don't interfere with your husband's relationship with his FOO.
     
    MalStrom, Dec 12, 2017
    MalStrom, Dec 12, 2017
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  7. Dec 12, 2017 #7
    Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    It like asking for trouble. why oh why?!!
     
    Rakhii, Dec 12, 2017
    Rakhii, Dec 12, 2017
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    sindmani, nakshatra1, Dishaa and 1 other person like this.
  8. Dec 12, 2017 #8
    Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Your SIL is being very SIL-LY. If you haven’t booked those tickets yet, HOLD OFF . If you have, go ahead and try to enjoy the trip. Carry some earplugs with you .
    P.S IMO paying for vacations should be restricted to parents, not siblings ( specially when they or their spouses make enough to sponsor the trip themselves ).
    P.P.S blood is thicker than water, so stay away from IL family politics. Not your circus, not your monkeys !
    All this aside, I hope you can enjoy your vacation, you truly deserve it !
     
    Sandycandy, Dec 12, 2017
    Sandycandy, Dec 12, 2017
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    sindmani, Sunshine04, Dishaa and 1 other person like this.
  9. Dec 12, 2017 #9
    Dishaa

    Dishaa Gold IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    Thanks for the suggestions, I will cancel the trip. We were planning this b    y end of 2018 so finances are not involved.

    I got the encouragement because MIL and FIL insisted that they will bear their part of expenses individually (Flight, Visa, Currency and Extra activities) by themselves. Even SIL husband agreed as updated by Dh, but after hearing SIL comments even I got shocked and surprise.

    You guys have become a part of my family...

    Thanks a lot..
     
    Dishaa, Dec 12, 2017
    Dishaa, Dec 12, 2017
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    sindmani and Sandycandy like this.
  10. Dec 12, 2017 #10
    Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    A lesson for the ages. This applies for the rest of your life as well.
    • If you plan to go on a vacation with your dear-spouse, and you invite someone else to go with you two, people might even wonder if there is a rift in your marriage, and you want the others to come and offer a buffer for you.
    • The more people you want to assemble into an excursion, the more headaches you invite on yourself.
     
    Nonya, Dec 12, 2017
    Nonya, Dec 12, 2017
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