1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it away

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by nb25, Sep 13, 2014.

  1. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    733
    Likes Received:
    958
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    PersecutedDIL,

    Yes you are right. I am afraid of approaching this issue as it can backfire on me. I want to make sure this does not cause friction between DH and me.

    DH always supports his mother. It has been days since he promised to talk to MIL regarding this, and he still hasn't said anything.

    When I told him MIL had kept the jewellery, he said he was surprised, as MIL would never do such a thing. He says MIL must have forgotten about it. My point is if she did not forget to take it, why has she forgotten to return it? Why take it in the first place, when it is not hers? And if he really thinks she forgot to return it, why can't he tell her that she has forgotten it? If she really is as straight forward as DH seems to think, she won't mind being reminded.

    I will wait for him to talk to her for few days. If he doesn't, then I will ask her.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2014
  2. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    733
    Likes Received:
    958
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    We have functions here too, where Indians meet. We also have some Indian friends. So I do need some jewellery here too, especially on festivals, when I wear saree. I do not have any here.

    DH's family - DH, PILs and BIL, got gold gifts from our side too. We got nothing from them. Also, the 2 day wedding functions were funded by our side. Does it not seem unfair to you that MIL would also keep the bride's gifts then?

    As those gifts were given to me, it is my obligation to return equal amounts of gold on those relatives' functions as well. When I am invited to any of relatives' functions, I am sure MIL will expect DH and me to give gifts, since we have our finances separate from PIL's.

    Also, as persecutedDIL has mentioned, legally also, it is considered streedhan, over which only the bride has rights.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2014
    1 person likes this.
  3. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    416
    Likes Received:
    580
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    Hi OP..
    Mine is the same story.She took away half of the jewellery gifted to me from their side and that too when I was preggers..
    I can neither forget nor forgive her for this dirty game..
    Actually MILs want to be portrayed as large hearted,generous and giving people in weddings-so they give jewellery in wedding(in front of hundreds of people) to hog praises and social appreciation-its a social bragging and then take it away in the privacy of four walls of house so that no one knows their real self.People,relatives and society will never come to know about it.My MIL boasted in front of the relatives and everyone else by giving jewellery and then took it away-because I know she wants to give it to SIL.
    I felt like asking back for the sets she and her daughter wear which were given by my mom and dad but couldn't do it..
    I got the most unfair treatment-MIL has given thrice times more jewellery than me to SIL,the elder DIL(my co sis) got double than me and I got the least.And still,she did it in such a sheepish manner that no one even in extended family knows about it.
    People still think she is so fair and generous-treated her DD and DILs similarly and gifted all 3 of us equally..
    I am earning and I don't want a dime from her.We are financially supporting her and her DD.. I'll continue doing so because i consider it as duty.But I have refused to take a single gift(no matter how cheap or expensive) from her..
    But the respect is gone now..Whenever I see her,I remember what she did with me.My parents and relatives still feel she is so good..
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,448
    Likes Received:
    2,089
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    That's a good point. You didn't get the gifts and still have to pay for the 'returning' gifts?
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    416
    Likes Received:
    580
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    That said,I feel that you should ask her in front of family and DH.She'll give if she wants and would give a bahaana if she doesn't want.
    In both the cases,you'll atleast come out of uncertainty and DH too would come to know about her intentions.
    If she refuses on any pretext,you can tell her bluntly that she can keep it permanently if she wants to..That'll make you feel good-that you stood up for your self respect.
    I did it and I also told her on face that some stone pieces don't mean to me much but you hurt me.I told my DH and also others in family that if one is unjust and biased-that is what he/she will be called.
    I am earning and I'll make better stuff for myself..She lost on a wonderful set I was planning to gift her.
    I know wedding jewellery holds an emotional attachment to every female irrespective of whoever gifts it.But nothing is more important to me than my self respect.So I gave it back to her adding on a few extra pieces which she gave me on some other occasions too.
    Atleast my Dh knows that she is partial and yes,she or her DD dare not ask me now about any kind of jewellery I buy or my parents gift to us(leave alone asking for similar one to be purchased for them which they used to do earlier)..
    Jewellery episode is closed from my side permanently..
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    733
    Likes Received:
    958
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    Hi sweetestshweta,

    Sorry to hear you faced it too.
    It sickens me that so many ILs view marriage as a purely financial transaction.
    Why do in laws place money over building a healthy relationship with DIL?

    They act like this, and expect the DIL to be obedient and respectful.
    How can they expect to get respect after this?
    All they want is money.

    You seem like a really good person to support MIL and her DD financially even after knowing she is like this.
    Instead of you supporting them, why don't you leave it your husband only? It is your DH's responsibility.

    You can invest your savings in FDs for your own parents, in case they ever need it. That is what I am going to do.

    (I am assuming that your parents must have paid all your wedding expenses like my parents did)

    I like the way you stood upto her. This is what I will do as well. Ask her once in front of family. If she refuses, then I will return whatever little she has given me.

    Just one small difference - Your MIL gave jewellery in front of others for show. I got none of it at my wedding function. I got it only after wedding, when I reached the hotel where PILs were staying. None of my family members were present - only DH's extended family. My MIL collected it all in a suitcase, and then took it with her on the pretext of safekeeping, saying she would give it back only when I opened a locker in my name. She said she didn't want to keep it in my parents' locker. I had never said anything about keeping it in parents' locker, neither did my parents. Every thing arranged by my parents, paid for by my parents, and still MIL was treating my family like gold diggers!!!
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2014
  7. sonia1100

    sonia1100 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    I am also facing same issue with my MIL.I wonder if I dont ask her ever about that jewellery what she will do with it ?I have this question in my mind.
















     
  8. Aabha82

    Aabha82 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Its happened with me, My MIL took all the jewelry after marriage, even which came from my side on the name of safekeeping. I thought, she will not give me again. but when i needed that, i ask her and she always give them. After few years, i know, she just think, we are still kids and cant handle those precious things. I let her do that as now i know, thats the only reason. It really differs from MIL To MIL.
     
  9. Kgargi

    Kgargi New IL'ite

    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    My 2 cents, after many years of experience - MIL won't change unless the husband fully supports the wife.
    My MIL kept (in fact she resold) the jewellery they gave me before and at the wedding, and kept the jewellery relatives from their side gave me.
    But what trumps all this, is that she SOLD my wedding lehenga! Found out a few years after my wedding when I needed to wear it for my brother's wedding - she plainly said she gave it away - which I found out from a relative was partially true as she sold it (I had left it in my cupboard in the In-laws house).
    My husband never supported me, and blindly excused all his mother did, whilst continually buying her even more jewellery, and literally furnishing her house (my husband and I have always lived in a different country to his parents).
    So unless you can speak up for yourself, or your husband will, MIL isn't going to give in.
     
  10. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    103
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Wow so many in same boat. It happened with me too. I was smart though and sent all my wedding gifts with my parents after marriage when they left
    Only one necklace set was with mil.
    Husband family didnt give me anything nor I care about it.
    After few months of marriage I asked mil for my set to wear for my friend's wedding and thats it. It became huge drama for me asking my own jewelry. She didnt want to give and kept giving excuses that this day is inauspicious to give gold, another day she told she needs to search among all her jewels so will see another time etc.

    Eventually I kept asking her all the time till she had no way than to give it to me.
    I learnt my lesson and didnt ever give any of my jewellery to keep with mil after that
     

Share This Page