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My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it away

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by nb25, Sep 13, 2014.

  1. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    My mother in law took away all the gold jewellery I got from my husband's side of the family during the wedding. She said she was taking it for safekeeping. She would give it to me when I had opened a locker in my name. I did. But when I told her that I had my own locker, she evaded the subject, and gave me a pair of light gold earrings, saying she had been saving those to give me after the wedding.

    My husband's side of family is large and they had each given me little gold things on my wedding. There was a little suitcase filled with gold jewellery.
    I have never seen the jewellery since.

    Our wedding was quite costly and entire wedding expenses were born by my father, even though he was fired from his job just months before the wedding. My father has no savings and is getting by on income generated through day trading since then. Our financial situation was known to my husband and in laws while planning the wedding. Still, they declined to divide the wedding expenses.

    Also, my husband accepted engagement ring from my side which was a lot expensive than mine was. And then gave me cheaper one. He did get me diamond earrings, and a watch for our engagement a day before our wedding. So I did not care about the wedding ring, and accepted the one my husband got me happily.

    What should I do? Should I keep quiet about the gold jewellery?
    I don't want tension in the family but I feel bad that my husband/his parents did not want to bear any of our wedding expenses. The cost of the jewellery he has given me is nuts in comparison with the total wedding cost.

    I am a working woman, and earn a decent salary. So, I just feel bad that my in laws would behave like this. Its not like I am a financial burden to them or their son. And they are reasonably well off financially. So, it just seems a little greedy on their part. I never thought that I would get married into a family that accepts dowry in any form (wedding expenses in my case). Feeling bad that I trusted my mother in law with the jewellery.

    I want to talk to my husband about this. I don't think this is right on my in laws' part, and don't want to encourage this. But I am not sure how to go about it. Please advise me friends.
     
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  2. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    Asking for it directly wud be a little crude! Maybe some ocassion comes you ask ur mil if u can wear it! And then u can tell her tht u r goin to keep it in ur locker as u have one now!! Or better you can put it in ur locker and then tell her!
    As long as the jewels ur parents gave u and what ur husband gave u, is with you?i dont think u shud care wht ur inalws give u!! Thts how i think, i have no expectations frm them whatsoever! They give its fine, they dont guve, its all the more fine!!
    Even in my case the engg ring my dh got n what i got there was a great deal of difference ! But later dh gave me something tht was way too expensive than everything that my inlaws gave!!
    see smtyms the husbands dont have a say in what is to be given to you at the wedding, but what they give later to u is what matters!!
     
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  3. drnamshara

    drnamshara Gold IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    Oops...Same here! Trusting them with jewelry is the most innocent folly on the DILs part!
    You cat ask her on face...Each time for a pooja or function ask for a set and then put in your locker...Next time give reasons that you cannot fetch the previous set as the bank had a time restriction and you got late blah blah....I dont know if this will work....That way atleast one set at a time is out from the MILs clutches..

    In my case..I was a little alert thanks to similar past stories!
    Once after a pooja at my moms city I reached back home after a nights travel and had to head to work immediately..No time to unpack and rearrange so I had left my aunts wedding gift, a gold bracelet in its box deep behind and below a stack of cloths in MY WARDROBE...IN MY ROOM!
    Next morning I woke up early to do the unpacking and SHOCKED to find my bracelet missing !!!!!!! I searched and searched and wept my lungs out!!! I begged DH not to tell MIL ,as she will be waiting to put the ~ ~ ~ ~ CARELESS~ ~ ~ ~ Tag on me!!!

    I was devastated and was travelling to work and DH calls and to say that it is with his mom safely... :spin
    Says further that when the maid was sweeping, her BROOM HIT MY WARDROBE DOOR and a tiny bag fell down and maid called my MIL to pick it seeing gold inside MIL kept in her almairah thinking how callous I am!
    I WAS RAGED AND DEMANDED DH AS TO WHY SHE DID NOT CALL AND TELL ME RIGHT AWAY ON FINDING IT!
    What he said put her waaaay down in my eyes for the 1st time post wedding...
    "Mom wanted to TEST you, whether you will notice if its missing at all...and how long you will take to find out that its missing. So she did not tell you"

    She gave it back after the family made enough fun of me during dinner...She also told me that I am a hyperactive person so I need to be cautious and demanded that all my mom gifted jewelry to be kept in her almairah LIKE HER MIL AND my SILS MIL have done!!! Even during SILs delivery again insisted that I give them to her as we will be frequently travelling home to hospital and hospital to home so it wont be safe!!!
    WTH!!! How does it even connect?????? I said NO...It is safe with me...
    Just the one necklace which Inlaws gave for wedding is with her...
    LET HER KEEP IT!
    Pseudo love...huh
     
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  4. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    common....leave about their jewelery. if it is come from your parent side...u can ask . if any argument happen in future, they will pin point you about their gold things...if you had those with you. so leave those.

    ask directly when ever you got functions & don't give it back. say you can keep safely.. other wise get through your DH.
     
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  5. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    Thank you every one for your replies. Appreciate your help.
    Just one clarification - Those gifts were not from my mother in law, but the entire side of my husband's family. So, I think they should belong to me. Taking it away under the pretext of keeping them safe seemed a little crude to me.
    Also, I wouldn't mind had they taken on some of the financial burden of our wedding.
     
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  6. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    Glad I saw this post.

    When I marred my husband (who had no intention of staying with my, only wanted GC), I left all the wedding gifts and jewelry with him .... any my father bore all the expenses. At the time, I thought we are one family and we can all share and anyway I will be visiting his home in India....Honestly if my husband was genuine I would happily share my earnings, jewelry, etc, no questions asked, because more you are generous with money, and other material things, more you receive (that's what I've noticed)

    Now I will know for next time I get married, or better yet, I'll look as gifts from MIL as eyewash ..... it's actually hers .... I'm just getting married because my would-be children need a father (hec, I'm self-sufficient, if I wasn't keen on having children I would have "live-in", monogamous relationship), and if in-laws help great, otherwise they are just people we are surrounded with ..... God supplies all our needs, not our MIL.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2014
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  7. Poonamk1

    Poonamk1 Silver IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    Dear, I don’t know why in-laws behave like this.. Forget gold my in-laws do not care about my daughter.. They cook varity of veggies and everything for themselves but they cannot cook anything for my daughter.. I am a working woman and I use to cook for my daughter in the morning and keep it in the refrigerator.. still they do not care for feeding her.. they only pretend that they tried feeding her but she was not eating and all.. or they will feed her only two spoons and say she had her lunch.. Even in my presence they do not care about her.. I don’t know what to do..
     
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  8. cheenu123

    cheenu123 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    Dear OP,

    I faced the same problem for so many months. My DH went for an onsite project a few months back and during that time, my MIL was with my SIL. At that time, I had to attend a friend's wedding but all the jewelry was in MIL's locker. I called up DH and told him that I need to have my jewelry back ASAP as I want to use it as and when I wish. Secondly, I told him that I 'am mature enough to take care of my assets.

    It has taken months for my DH to muster courage and convey the same to the MIL and when he did, she said why what's the problem if we share the locker. Then at that time he told her upfront NO, let her handle things on her own as there is no point escorting her with you or me every-time she wants to use the locker. Let her open her own locker and that shouldn't bother you. :)
     
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  9. JigsSM

    JigsSM Silver IL'ite

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    You have to be very tricky with you MIL because you have given her jewellery with some trust but i think she had been greedy about it. When there is some function you will have to slowly pull out the jewellery from her and keep it in your locker. Also you can discuss this issue with your DH if he is on your side and would support you if not then it would not be a good idea. But you will have to think properly before you discuss this with him.

    You can then slowly have all your jewellery in your locker and if she creates a scene you can tell her that you have received it in your wedding and you politely tell that you have full authority on this jewellery.

    Its so pity that why MILs wants to have all things of DIL and rule her life.
     
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  10. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: My in laws gifted me jewellery on my wedding and then my mother in law took it aw

    Yes. All MILs are same more or less.

    OP,You are earning, and you buy what ever you really like in future. I would suggest let it go. Because if you ask that jewelry now, MIL may keep borrowing your expensive stuff what you will buy for your self in future. (Your asking now gives them some encouragement to ask in future, please note this point).

    In my case, After wedding, my husband left to abroad and I was at ILs home for a month. MIL said to leave my jewellery and sarees (all given by my parents) in her home itself. I said nothing but when I was leaving their place I took all my stuff and left.

    But she always borrows my jewelry, even though she buys so much stuff for herself, by taking money from her sons in lakhs (for the past 12 years I am seeing).

    If anybody gifts a saree also from ILs side relatives or friends my MIL takes it and she wears. My parents gifted a nice saree to my co-sis, who is a new bride, but my MIL wore it and came to a function at my parents house only, with in few days gap. shakehead
    She takes everything, if I buy anything for my home, she takes it. Recently she started taking without even asking before. I get very angry.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2014
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