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My In-laws Didn't Bought Me Any Cloths Before Marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by nehakapil78, Dec 3, 2016.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    No dear.... You have got it wrong again. I have no problem in calling a wrong, wrong!
    I know her personal case fairly well, as I have interacted with her a few other times before coming here. I know that her in laws are money minded, greedy people who abuse their DIL. Even if they have gifted her an expensive gift during the marriage, their greediness will not become any less.
    In this forum, we discussed about the quality of the in laws with the gifts they present to the DILs. In this discussion, I felt talking about an otherwise greedy in laws (as the case is well known) is irrelevant.
    Hope you understand it better.
    But I did not say all the personal stories are irrelevant here. Many people have shared their personal stories which are relevant to the discussion.
    I believe my personal story is relevant, as it was exactly matching with your description. You know, you used the same words of my MIL, which I could never forget.
    But when such words came from a MIL, it was observed as greediness. But you are using similar words to sympathize with the DIL who accused her MIL is greedy. That's what I called double standards.
    Hope you try to widen your understanding on this matter.

    [/QUOTE]
    If you could hear me or any other person very well, then it is my pleasure. Good for you, and others as well.
    But in this case, you have come to a conclusion with one line of my "that' post and another line of my 'this" post to form a sentence of your choice. That's how you concluded that my mom did not gift me anything during my wedding due to her anger. How right is that????

    This is an open forum my dear. We are discussing on a wider topic from different perspectives. If you do not agree with my POV, just disagree with this. You don't have to dig through my older post and pick words here and there to say what a fool I am. See, the argument is not make the other one a fool, but to make everyone wiser.

    As for the highlighted lines, I think you spoke your mind. Thank you!
     
  2. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    The institution named as marriage gives right to the partner to feel entitled about each other.Marriage is just not sharing bed with each other, its sharing your life with each other...finances are an important part of life, it should be shared with each other...when people get married to each other, they become committed to each other in every way....

    While parents give birth, do the upbringing and give education, basically they make a person what he/she is as an adult, so by this logic only parents have any kind of right on son/daughter. Then why marry them at all???

    There was an another user, she use to suggest an alternate wedding system where girls remains at her parents house and boys remains at their. They just have relations with each other every night and return to their respective homes,no string attached with each other, children reared by their uncle, then may be that will be best in this situation.

    PS: I dont advocate that children(girl or boy) should not have obligations towards their parents. I am against of sense of overtly entitlement of parents of sons where they think they can get away with abusing their DIL and still feel entitled to get seva ....

    There will be all kind of people all the time...all people can not think same, for some beauty is important, for some it is not...for some education is factor, for some it is money. Some wants their wife to work and some wants them to be housewife. Some wants to lead peaceful life while some wants to have bash every day...
    IMO Nothing is right or wrong in this.
    till the time we respect other's opinion and dont force other person to change their personality. If a man wants to marry a beautiful woman, and a beautiful woman wants to marry him,whats wrong in that, what important is if his wishes are not fulfilled than he should respect his not so beautiful partner.
    If a woman wants to marry a rich man, and a rich man wants to marry her, whats wrong???
    its just important to understand, that kabhi kisi ko mukkammal jahan nahi milta, you are not going to get everything, when you are going to choose rich man or beautiful woman, there must be other qualities which might be lacking,
    now one has to decide where they want to compromise.
    Like you even i will go for how a person is, instead of looks/money as both doesnt matter to me much, but at the same time not everybody will think like me, and they are also as right as me...

    Yes, it was not about abuse but it was talking about how woman at drop of hat threaten man to charge them...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 10, 2016
    Lakshmi6197 likes this.
  3. jewel4u86

    jewel4u86 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi

    I hope you are well aware of your in-laws. It's better to know them well before getting married including your fiancée. In our caste female stays at in-laws house for few days to understand them and their lifestyle before marriage. So if you can do that, then please do it. You will be able to take decision easily. You will able to know whether they are greedy, cheap, simple etc.

    For clothes I would like to suggest that it's better if you buy them yourself you will be more happy to wear them as it will be of your choice or you can also go for shopping with your fiancée.

    Regards
     
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  4. Lakshmi6197

    Lakshmi6197 Gold IL'ite

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    Summary of a woman's life as advised in this thread:

    1. Finance your own marriage. If possible your own education also.

    2. Work and bring in the dough. Contribute 50% to the family expenses.

    3. Buy your own gifts. No expectation from in laws or husband or parents.

    4. Take care of your own children. Should not expect parents or in laws to help.

    5. Take care of your own parents. In laws should depend on their own child. Spouse of child has no role.

    Bottomline : No expectation of any sort from anybody for anything. DIY for everything.


    I have a question: What is the role of spouse in life - apart from recreation and procreation?

    :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
     
  5. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    apart from it, Man and his parents will criticize cullinary skills, housekeeping skills and parenting skills of woman, so that she can improve herself in becoming better woman....inlaws would like to help her in handling her finances, just to reduce her burden...
    and dont u dare to think that its exploitation, it is equality :scream: ...
     
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  6. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    I hope OP is not scared with the word marriage by now.;)

    coming to the question above, procreation, yes, it is a social status again. not only for H and in-laws, but for woman too if she can't produce one offspring, she has to face a lot both in her own home and society.

    recreation, i doubt, it would be enjoyable without all other elements not going good in marriage.
     
  7. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Lakshmi can u please reference the posts where u think the above advice was dished out.
     
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  8. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Really ?I spend most of my waking hours in the company of men..all different races ages and educational backgrounds . They call it ..playing games. Number one turn off for most men. Keep things simple. If u say u dont want a gift...it will be taken at face value.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2016
  9. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @nehakapil78 - I read your earlier posts and this one too. How old are you? Coming from someone who had to grow up in a marriage, let me tell you that you will have to work hard to do that. A husband isn't a parent and won't stand for tantrums. I had a very hard first year because I was just not ready to be married and neither was DH. It took a lot of work back then to make it work. Both of us had to learn to not only be self sufficient adults with careers and independence but also to work on a marriage. It isn't impossible but I wouldn't do it for my daughter.
    If you were my daughter, I would urge you to have a career, get some exposure to the world, work in a different city, travel and learn to take care of yourself, have hobbies etc before getting you married. Are you sure you can put in the work? It isn't a bed of roses. Especially if you are a pampered child like me and then are going to live with a husband and in-laws. It's not bad to have expectations or to get your spouse in line with those expectations but there are going to be times those expectations aren't met and it involves a lot of unlearning to not get bogged down or retaliate with a tantrum. There are also going to be times you are going to have to meet his expectations and you will be expected to deal with it like an adult.
    Now this is my own experience, you can take it with a whole lot of salt. I always wished we married each other 4-5 years later after having had all those years to become mature adults.
     
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  10. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    She didn't throw a tantrum. She didn't end the engagement. She didn't say a word. What did she do? She felt hurt. Is a young woman not allowed to feel disappointed by her beau under the circumstances? [​IMG]

    I think it's uncool for a man to visit his fiancée empty-handed on her birthday. Even toddlers know to bring a gift to their buddy's birthday. Yeesh! At the very least, he could've given her a gift belatedly. :shakehead:
     

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