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My In-laws Didn't Bought Me Any Cloths Before Marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by nehakapil78, Dec 3, 2016.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Let's assume a girl and her parents decides not to entertain any gifts during the wedding. No dowry, no eloborative wedding, no expensive cloths to the groom & family, nothing.
    Now, if a guy comes here to complain, how it dawned him later on to receive nothing from his in laws, while other grooms are treated like Gods, with so much gifts. If he keeps on saying like how it felt to get anything from them, as they think he doesn't deserve to get anything as gift; thus washed their hands off.

    Let's leave your personal story aside. I empathize with you, but that is irrelevant to this topic.

    If we think giving expensive gifts to the DILs is a yardstick to assess the quality of the groom's family, then same applies to the grooms family too.
    They might chose a girl with "big fat dowry" as gifts, and say, they chose her because her family's big heart is visible by the way they brought wedding gifts.
    So, no wonder... no one would like a girl with no dowry, no gift attitude, because it may seem she and her family has such a small heart; thus they are not gifting.

    How to bring a change, as we are tired of expecting a social change now a days!
     
    justanothergirl likes this.
  2. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    Neha,
    If you keep this buying/gifting factor aside for a moment,

    you will be able to notice how your future husband will be. You told him about something multiple times and he says mom is doing it. Him doing something for you and making decisions between the both you is going to be a challenge unless you deal with it right away.
     
  3. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    This thread along with your previous threads clearly show that you are not happy with the way your fiance is treating you. I'm not here to comment whether your expectations are justifiable.It would really be better if you clear up things with him and set your expectations clear before marriage.Talk about finance in particular.
     
  4. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    a gift value should not be judged, a gift is gift, an inexpensive give given with love is worth more than diamonds, thousands of quotes can be applied...
    but truth is, in reality if we have money, we dont buy cheap clothes for people whom we love and value. We choose gifts for our loved ones carefully and best in our capacity.

    and its better only if people go for simple wedding, no lena dena from both sides, but unfortunately this doesnt happen, bride side people end up fulfilling all the traditions and while boy's side doing penny pinching....

    its best that let the couple take expenses of marriage, let them decide how they want the marriage and let them form a new family after marriage.

    but is it happening?? no, people want the bride to live with them under the same roof , taking care of them in old age...but miser enough to not want to spend even on her clothes on wedding. Telling to people that our dil is more than a daughter to us while in reality their behavior is telling something else.

    if one dont feel responsible for doing anything for their son's wife, fair enough, but why cry when same dil will not feel responsible for you....
     
  5. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Fair enough jag, parents are not responsible for spending their retirement fund for DIL, but in that case parents should step aside and leave the bride and groom to decide and shop, but unfortunately in this case, MIL must have kept all the control of bride shopping in her hand and would not let her son spend on her...
    at the same time MIL must be expecting bride's father to spend her retirement fund.

    I completely agree with your later statement....thats how a modern wedding should be, and modern spirit should be continued and parents should let the couple to take the control of their life, instead of crying about DIL's manipulation skill for nuclear family.
     
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  6. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    [QUOTE="chocolate, post: 3916987, member: 1139" Becoz my in laws are squeeze as much as you can from DIL and her parents but never give anything to her .

    I always end up thinking if the engagement saree was a sign.

    Sometimes, gifts in engagements and marriages are never isolated incidents but an indication of future life.Think and decide. Good Luck.[/QUOTE]

    nailed it....
     
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  7. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    BTW, its nice to see how everybody is in hurry for being modern, when its about gifting DIL by son's parents......OP, i guess we need more girls like you for social change. :tearsofjoy:.....
     
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  8. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    I was exactly in this mode when I married, I was so much in love, I did not see what a raw deal I was getting. All the red flags I carelessly put aside, my MIL called us before marriage to discuss the alliance, I picked up the phone, madam says nothing, just "I want to speak to xyz", I ask her "Who are you?" and she says "What do you care who I am?", I was such an idiot, maybe it was my karma, I want on to explain like an idiot - because I KNEW it was her and she KNEW it was me, " you see I have to tell who are you...", the classic idiot that I was. Had it been now, I would have just hung up the phone, if the alliance did not happen, it didn't that's it. Buying a lehenga/saree is not an earth shattering thing for the ILs, is it? It is only for one person, not on entire brood and this person is going to be with them for the rest of their lives and her life, serving them - all that she does will be for them and them alone - at least that is their effing expectation. And for such a person they can't give a set of clothes? It is okay to adjust - but the catch is, this adjustment is life-long, not just the marriage ceremony and there in lies the problem. These guys are not like "oh, we don't care if you don't give gifts to us", that is never going to be the case. If they don't think it is worth the trouble, chances are they won't think the same in future. Now is it something that OP can handle well, that is for her to decide. If she can handle them well, then it's fine, otherwise it isn't.
     
  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Many changes are desirable and needed in weddings and marriages, both from girl's side and boy's side. All these cannot happen in one wedding or even one generation. OP is going through what seems to be a regular arranged/love marriage, with roka, shagun and all that. I don't think it is fair to expect her to take all the high roads being prescribed, or to lump on her the burden of changes needed in weddings, marriages.
     
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  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    This is exactly what my MIL was saying when I said "my parents will not give me anything as marriage gift" when our alliance was discussed at their place.
    She said, if your parents have money, they will not send you as empty handed.
    She said that my mom supposed to chose gifts carefully to the best of her ability to prove her love for me.
    But that kind of bargaining seemed so cheap to me.
    I was personally against dowry or gifts and I never wanted my parents to empty their bank acc to show their love for me.
    They showed no gender differences between me and my bro. Then why on earth I should be their burden ?

    So, my parents did not gift me anything on my marriage, but that doesn't mean they don't love me.

    OP's case should be analyzed beyond this gifting practices.
    There are so much red flags in it.

    My response here and above was about the mentality of our girls/women who has double standards on this matter.
     
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