My In-laws Didn't Bought Me Any Cloths Before Marriage

Ah what do we do for same-sex marraiges then...very complicated...we need a lawyer to draft all the edge cases !

 

wow , comparing dowry with clothes, gr8.... no groom's side people had been put behind the bars for expecting some good clothes in gifts.

asking for cars, heavy gold and loads of cash in dowry is different than gifts exchanged in marriage from both side...OP is not asking for gold jewellery, cars, property or loads of cash.

Even in a birthday party we give gifts and we prefer not to give cheap gifts...if you are financially well to do, wear good clothes yourself and prefer to gift cheap clothes , that too ,to would be wife of your son , i still stand with my statement, such people are cheap.
Now people are free to disagree with me and can twist the words and extrapolate as much as they want...

 

So how much do u think is a reasonable amount to spend on a lehenga/suit...$100 $500 $1000 $10000 $20k? SHould matching jewellery/shoes be a part of the oufit..I dont know..I have had friends who got married in cotton saris and those who got married in designer gold brocade saris.. oh by the way there were cotton suits worth $10 and cotton suits worth $1000
What happens if the groom says that anything less than a designer suit from the finest tailors in London/Italy is cheap and unworthy of a wedding....
May be this amount and what is cheap and what is not should be negotiated no? Hence the suggestion to get a lawyer and work out all the kinks

 

Everybody decides worth as par their financial status, OP must be knowing her and her In-laws status and living style....for some 1000 rs suit would be expensive and for some 50,000 rs would be cheap. Thats why i mentioned about financial status of in-laws and also their taste in clothes and what kind of clothes they themselves wear. If they themselves wearing 2000 rs suit and they can afford to gift still gifting 200 rs worth of suit, then certainly they are cheap.

if your friend , who got wedded in a gold brocade saaree, will present her mother in law a cheap cotton saree in wedding, would it be ok??at least for me it will be cheap again. I hope now nobody would need a lawer to judge what i meant by a cheap cotton saaree.

I hope when your friend was getting married in cotton saree, her in-laws were not wearing expensive clothes.

Besides from OP's post it doesnt look like that she is expecting some designer clothes from london/Italy.

 

I can be worth anything. I am not obligated to fund my DILs wedding trousseau.
I could if her dad would fund my retirement . A gift is just that a gift. Lamenting and getting depressed about it is a sign u are not ready for a marriage.

And yes its better if girls and boys learn early and well that if they think they are old enough to marry they are old enough to swipe their cards and get their own wedding dress.
May be this is the first thing we need to add in the long list of todos for a modern wedding.

 

Op, You are better off stopping the marriage at Roka itself. I know lena dena and saree , suit everything looks cheap now and its easy to say grow up. Look at the bigger picture. The fiancée is non committal and ends up telling mommy will know/do/see. On the other hand the mom is trying to pinch pennies .Tomorrow it will be same for jewellery to anything to buy for the DIL /wife.The occasions like this are important to have good memories. You don't want to remember oh I got a cotton suit for engagement although IL's cud afford much more.Marriage will also end up becoming a penny pinching affair.But oh for marriage for groom and family its always best of everything wanted.

Marriage is an occasion to be celebrated and enjoyed. I am not telling to go to great lengths like taking loans to make marriage happen. But to atleast do the needful so the bride has a beautiful smile , groom is happy.

Let me tell you my own example. My marriage was a rush marriage. We were engaged married in span of 15 days. My engagement date was set a week before wedding. In our community , engagement saree is as important as a wedding muhurat saree. Anyway , inspite of my parents hinting like crazy, my SIL went to purchase my engagement saree. That saree is worth maybe 600-700 saree.Seeing that saree I was furious and wanted to run . My parents convinced me to neglect it. Anyway my wedding sarees were fantastic and everybody told me to console myself.But after a decade looking at my engagement saree , I tear up. Becoz my in laws are squeeze as much as you can from DIL and her parents but never give anything to her . I never got anything from them while my co sis is showered with gifts.
If it ended there it wud have been tolerable but they spoiled the formative yrs of my life by telling hubby oh don't spend too much on your wife , birthdays, anniversaries. Now my hubby has realized but too much water has flown under the bridge and I always end up thinking if the engagement saree was a sign.

Sometimes, gifts in engagements and marriages are never isolated incidents but an indication of future life.Think and decide. Good Luck.

 

JAG,
I am with you in this taking/receiving aspect. You articulated it well. I guess OP's expectations are justified. However specifically wanting clothes/anything else that would suffice her expectations is a bit too much. If we want to better Indian marriages and a life after, a simple solution is to go for an expected/acceptable wedding gift list. Only the bride and groom must do make this list, may be with their friends and pass it on to everyone else.

We are a far away from such possibilities but its better than no possibility at all.

 

JustAnotherGirl, I am not an idiot to put this statement. I know the pain behind OP's statement. I was so much in love with my husband that I did not care in my own marriage what my in-laws gave me - mind you I got NOTHING from them as a gift, no clothes, no nothing, I did not bother at that time. It dawned on me after marriage what it meant to not get anything from them, basically they did not think I deserved anything so they washed their hands off. They did not stop it at that. They made my life miserable. Even now they count everything - even though it's all my earnings that I spend - the clothes I buy for myself, the toys I get for the kids, every single penny that I spend on myself. It is not about expecting gifts. If there is no "hamari bahu" sentiment, then I don't think it's worth marrying into such family. When you go to someone's house for an occasion it is courtesy to take gifts. This occasion demands the same courtesy, if they can't do that much then sorry, out of experience I would advise to bail out of such an alliance.

 

This is the key message.
If you want anything as per your taste, swipe your card and shop. Treat the gifts as gifts. Don't insult the gift by it's price.

Exactly....
Be the change before you advocate the society to change.
For you an expensive lehenga is a yardstick to measure your in laws' quality. For your in laws', the elaborate wedding, the brand new car and some dowry are the yardstick to measure your father's love for his daughter.
Both yardsticks are the result of your deep rooted culture. Both are considered ok and are in practice.
Your blood boils when your in laws' yardstick to measure your worth becomes so shallow like this. Similarly, they get disappoint when they are not treated as Gods, just like how other grooms are treated in average.
If this is to continue, who will bell the cat?

Follow the custom without complicating it with money and selfishness.
If they give you a gift on your wedding, birthday or even for a party, accept it as a gift. Don't experiment their love and worthiness based on the monitory value of the gift.
Sometimes a kumkum chimil is 1000 times worthier than an expensive party frock.

It is all about the heart and mind of the giver and taker of the gift.