My Husband's Late Night Shift Is Driving Me Nuts!

Did you guys talk through the changes that would happen after getting married?

It sounds like you have a higher level of expectations out of the relationship than your hubby.

What made you pick your hubby, leave Singapore and career for him?

 

In my opinion your s expectation is normal which any wife would have. Unfortunately your H does not under stand that. Having I/c once in a month is too less in frequency. Why Don t you wait till 12 till your H comes to spend some time with him, May be two or three times a week.
Speak to him, but don t be harsh or complain.talk to him n tell him how much you love him, n that you wish to have some we time.
Or try to change his work timings or your change yours!
You take leave once or twice a month n enjoy an outing.
Cut down your grinding n washing time in week ends n push them to week days so you 've more time in week end.
Start planning for a baby after you are satisfied with your we time!
Wish you all the best!

 

First of all, topmost, use the time that you DO have together effectively.
Put away the grinder and washer for the weekend. All that grinding and washing can be done on weekend evenings when you are at home and he is at work. I'm sure the plumber is free on a weekday morning too!

When my husband had almost the same schedule, I used to wake up to an alarm at midnight. Stay awake for an hour until he eats dinner, have some personal time together and go back to sleep. I would sleep an hour earlier to compensate. Similarly, he used to set the alarm at 7 am when I was leaving to office, spend an hour with me, (just standing around me in the kitchen when I made bfast and watched me while I got ready, and NOT reading the newspaper) and go back to sleep after I left to office. Admittedly, it was not easy, but it reduced the feeling of loneliness during the nights to a great extent.

Sometimes I used to be so tired of these broken sleep periods, that I used to sleep straight through the alarm at midnight, but I used to tell him to somehow wake me, 'cause I wanted to see him in the night. And he used to hug and kiss me to disturb me awake.

The bigger problem I see here is this:" that giving up so much is certainly not paying ". The feeling that you sacrificed your job, location, for this man is going to place huge expectations on him. From his job/timings and location. And this is going to last a lifetime. It is better you strongly remind yourself the reasons why you loved him in the first place, and loved him strong enough to marry him and move back to India.

Hope things are better soon.

 

Dear OP.....your expectation is quite reasonable, but better you make some changes in your schedule as you cannot make your DH to change his shift.

As you mentioned, you have free time on weekdays evenings, so finish your washing & cleaning & other works during weekdays and keep yourself completely free for weekends.

Don't keep yourself busy with cooking and other works, go out for lunch / dinner, go for a movie. Plan for an outing (1 night stay out). Change your schedule and enjoy your weekends.

Most of the working couple (even though both work in day shift) are busy on weekdays with office work & household work and end of the day both are tired, so they do not get much time to spend together on weekdays. So for most of the people weekend is the time to spend together.

So make the best out of your weekends with slight changes in your schedule.

 

I agree with dimhere. You need to work around your schedules and find time to be with one another.

When my husband had late night shifts, we installed a door lock which can be locked from inside but can be opened from outside so that he could come in without disturbing me. We never used it though. I used to sleep in the living room after dinner and clearing kitchen at about 9 pm. I would get a good 3-4 hour sleep before he reaches , and chat about our day while he has dinner and then go to bed together.

Try to complete stuff - shopping, fix-it etc while you both miss each other during week days. Set aside weekends for each other. Even grocery shopping together is fun. Do chores together and you plan romantic dinners and "fun" bed-times. Send fun messages to each other to make the time you are with each other more interesting.

No point in regretting anything when there is not much to regret. You both love each other and care for each other. That matters the most.

 

Haha!

And people say on here I think too much. You are suggesting to spy on her hubby? Haha.

 

Sorry to say, but your reply is a "mind blind" to us too

 

See whether your husband can get back to the normal shift? If not, accept this reality and find a way to make peace with this.

You have plenty of time in hand on a usual week day. After the gym, or before that do the laundry, cooking, etc so that you don't have to waste your golden weekends for the routine chores. We working couple are forced to spend almost 1/2 of our weekend on chores, as we have family matters to attend during the weekdays after the office time. But you seem to be free in the eves, so better use them.

Generally many working couple share their life with their spouse on a meaningful way only during weekends. Since you have whole your weekends available, with not so much chores left to do... I think you can plan something special with your husband to change everything.

Lack of intimacy is a problem. It is far beyond your weekend problem.
That too just once a month at this very early stage of your marriage seems odd.
Make use of your weekends, to create the mood.

 

OP...it is alarming that your husband thinks being able to give clothes to the iron wala and getting grocery is a big advantage over spending time with his wife.

It is strange that he is satisfied with once a month intimacy so early in life and does not feel something is amiss.
Time to ask him some questions.Does he love you?Does he enjoy spending time with you?Does he think he will be fine with this life style for life?

Also,tell him you are not happy with your life the way it is.
If he does have an option of changing shifts and does not want to ...then you have to think about why and how little he cares about being with you.

If he does not have an option.....then work with what time you have but the working has to be done by him too. There are four weekends in a month.....if not more , he should be wanting intimacy at least during weekends.It is not normal to have so little interest in being together.....that too so early in life.A normal interested and healthy couple would be stealing quickies even during the week .