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My husband keeps loosing his job over and over again.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by momtwo, Feb 22, 2010.

  1. momtwo

    momtwo New IL'ite

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    We have been married for more than 10 years with 2 kids.As far I remember my husband hasn't been able to keep a job for more than 3 years.
    Recently he hasn't even lasted barely a year.Everytime a company lays off people his name is always first on the list.
    Now he is not getting any younger ..We are at the state of counting pennies while spening.Can't afford to get a house in a decent neighbourhood ,can't afford to send kids to a good school etc.
    With my meagre earning we can barely live on our money.
    He has done his engineering from the top 5 college in India and was a brilliant student.In terms of IQ he is in the top 10% even in this country.I have seen his review its always been above expectations and suddenly he gets fired/laid off.I feel he has a big ego ..and his people skills are bad.
    Something is not working out for him ,,he doesn't want to always have to listen to anyone but I told him whereever he goes he will always have a boss as he is not god.I am tired of his looking for a job over and over again ,the tensions in our life ,the bills having to pay ..
    In this economy I have to give up any hope of his getting a job.
    If I say anything to him he will say you leave me since I a failure and go .
    A relationship is not based on jobs,its based on love and trust and without him I will never be happy .But money is also very important .
    Otherwise he is a good man and a great father.
    No matter how much I explain to him he doesn't seem to change.He doesn't want to do a job anymore .I know he has a setback but give me some tips on how to give him hope.
    I am getting depressed and saying negative things to him all the time but I don't want to but can't help it.
    For the last 7-8 years he has been laid off/fired from every job.
     
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  2. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    Maybe the jobs that he has worked are not challenging enough for him and het gets tired of them too soon? It happens to lot of people and in this instance, that could very well be the case. Sit and talk to him about what he really wants to do in his life that will make him happy and satisfied and then help him and support him in that endeavor. Sounds like he has the potential and the ability but the opportunity is eluding him. I can understand your frustrations of him losing his job constantly which can add financial strain in your life, but maybe his skills and talents are not being harnessed in the right way. It is the bane of the modern corporate world, unfortunately. Sit and have an honest conversation with him about his long term goals and what he really wants to do and be supportive of his causes. Complaining and stressing him on his inability to retain a job is not going to help much and sometimes people need someone to support and be with them, and as his spouse, there is no better person to be his confidante than you. Hang in there and things will look up for you eventually. There is always darkness before dawn.
     
  3. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    momtwo,

    Don't feel depressed.I knew some friends in my friends circle (husband's) keep changing jobs and it's some one's personality.So don't worry and he may find another job soon and give him an encouragement in this tough economy.Don't discourage him and also I agree with Malavika.Sometimes some places and some bosses click for some people.He needs to find the right job for him and again atleast 50% people will keep changing jobs after 3 years or so.So don't worry and he will find one soon.Once the economy improves he might have more choices and he can find suitable one.
    I heard from my husband ,suppose if your husband is in high end,thost jobs are always risky ones.May be he needs to come down one or two ladder down and try to stick to more time.

    Edit:Sorry Malavika.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2010
  4. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    No I am not the one depressed or frustrated but I am guessing the OP is:rotfl
     
  5. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    My guess is your husband has never been in the proper job to make him happy. I suggest that he go online and do a Meyers Briggs inventory and find out what his personality type is. From that test, he can get pointers on the type of situation that will tap into his strengths. This process helped me a lot. You know, there is a place for all of us...the tough part is finding it.
     
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  6. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Tashi, thanks for sharing the url, i belong to ENFJ.. will read on it more.

    Momtwo, is very difficult to deal with this situation but I've lived thru it as a child.. there was absolutely no economic stability for us as well.
    However the only way out of this situation was that my mom never ridiculed dad, always supported him in what he did & told herself & us to adjust in whatever means we had.... which was very difficult and more so in the world today.

    No person can change with wife's feedback, he/she can change with their consious decision and nothing else.. so leave him to his ways.. you see if you can do something to support financially.. also if u believe in astrology check out on lucky birth stone etc.. they rarely help but some find them as motivation source.
     
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  7. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    I can very well relate your current issue with mine. My DH is also the same...99% same as your DH.

    He studied in a well reputed college, and has a masters degree and a couple of PG courses too.
    His technical knowledge and IQ level is also excellent, and he is very good in languages. Not only Indian languages, he is fluent in English and French as well.
    But unfortunately his ego doesn't allow him to stick with an organization for more than a year. He is so anti social type, and his world is somewhere in the 1940s :bonk

    Because he wants to be in the seat at 7 am, and work until 7 pm. No matter what, he needs the lunch break at sharp 12.00 noon. He never treats his drivers and office assistants as fellow colleagues, rather treat them so cheaply.
    But he expects his bosses to treat him as high professional.

    If he doesn't know anything, he will never go and ask his boss or colleaue, rather pretends as if he understands everything.

    He always think that he is Mr Perfect... Mr Know everything. So he decides for others and he tries to think from others mind.

    What is right for you may not be rght for others - But my poor DH doesn't know this, rather he thinks what is right for him should be right for the whole world. This is where problem starts.

    He lost his recent job yesterday.. In his evaluation, his boss has indicated that he is a hard worker and a talented staff, but his interpersonal skills are very poor and hence it is very hard to work with him.

    I have been always the financial support for him... I never criticised his mistakes before, rather stood by him all the time whenever he makes such silly mistakes. At times when i pointed out his mistakes in a very diplomatic manner, he asked me shut my mouth, else I he will separate me, as he doesn't wanna listen any advice from me.

    Ok.. This time when he said he has lost his job.. I said OK... But i told him that I too will resign my job now, as I have already decided to resign due to some other health and security reasons. I am stick to my plan to resign, so it will be a huge financial burden on us (but I have plans to join in another orgn sooner and i have enough saving to manage now) and I hope he will try to change now.

    I am also a short tempered person... I too was pampered by my parents and I am not used to office gossips and hardships.. But I have learned to adjust and cope with people diplomatically.

    We all were raised by our parents like kings and queens, but we can't expect EVERYONE will treat us the same way. We must bend and adjust when we have to.

    Bitter experience will teach lots of lessons.. I hope my DH will learn this time and I advice you to make some firm decision if you want to change him.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2010
  8. momtwo

    momtwo New IL'ite

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    Hi
    Thanks for all your response.I am trying very very hard to be positive but honestly I don't have any more hope anymore for him.
    He said companies are doing badly and thats why he got laid off.
    Today in one job search site I found his company has posted an advertisement for the exact position he was in.He is not in any management but rather technical position.

    I know if I show it to him he will say "I know I am a failure.You leave me and lead a happy life".
    After so many years and so many times this time I don't have the strength any more.Our kids are getting affected ,we live in a bad neighbourhood(gangs etc) and my kid who is in school has no friends.He is having trouble phsycologically.Thats why we were trying so hard to move to better neighbourhood now that is also out of scope.I am a very simple person and never asked anything ,all I wanted was to live in a decent neighbourhood where kids can play with neighbour kids.We tried making friends but the get-together happens only during birthday parties or special events as everyone lives far away.Once I overheard one of the guests(when we had invited some people ) say to another that she felt scared as she had parked her car on the street and the area is not good.I felt very depressed over-hearing that.


    Just when I thought this was all soon going to be over(we were looking to buy a home) we are back to square one.
    Sorry if I sound like a big cry baby
     
  9. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    Why don't you return to India? You can move to a decent neighborhood and there will be more like-minded people. Ask your husband to search for jobs in India. Anyways there are more jobs in India than in the US.
     
  10. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear,

    I just wanted to check with on you one thing.I don't know what state you are living though.But don't worry at this point about buying the house.
    Even in the city where I live there is good part of the city and bad part of the city.If you compare appartment rent there will be only 300-400$ difference in rent from good part to bad part unless you work place near to that place.
    Then why don't you consider to moving to good part of the city first then later you can worry about buying a house.
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2010

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