My husband complains about me to his mother

Dear Gayatri,

First of all tell me- do you live with your in-laws ?

If yes, then the situation is very complex. I see no hope for such an un-coperative, immature and biased husband [ sorry for using these adjectives]. These husbands are ruining their married life out of their own wrong doing and own willingness.

If you are not staying with your in-laws, or if your in-laws are living in a different country/state/city , the situation can be improved to a certain extent. You have to stand up for yourself. Yo have to tell your husband that if he carries tales to your in-laws like "Narada Muni" then you will not co-operate with him. In fact tell him about the character of Narada Muni and tell him why Narada was disliked by even the Gods for his behaviour !!!

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The Story of Narada Muni : :bonk:bonk:bonk:bonk

Narada Muni could not keep any secrets. He was usually known for revealing secrets on a bad time or spreading gossip. Therefore he was often mistaken as a quarrel-monger and a talebearer. His deeds often brought a trouble and friction among gods, demon and men.

{ But one must remember that Narada's intention was to espouse a good cause. It was his constant desire that bad people should be punished for their deeds. Whatever Narada did, though sometimes it seemed bad, turned into a happy ending }

Actually Narada was misunderstood for his actions. He was a Good God. But your husband is not.
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Tell your husband that it is morally wrong to carry the tales of one's spouse to his parents. It creates friction and ill-will among all.:bang :bang

If nothing improves even after making some efforts, try to keep silent on issues involving his parents and your parents. About other day to day issues, if you are being questioned and grilled by your in-laws after listening to your husband's complaint, YOU HAVE TO STAND UP and Answer them back by defending each and every accusations they hurl towards you.
If you do not stand up for yourself who will ?
It seems that Your husband won't save you at the end of the day. So save yourself.


Regards,
"HAPPY"


NARADA MUNI

 

Many husbands are like this in the early years of marriage.

I would suggest u discuss this matter with a senior , level headed member of ur or his family whom he respects and get that person to have a friendly chat with him and throw some sense into him.

Or consult a psychologist -not necessarily with him.You alone can go.
They will help you to deal with his complex, sissy behavior.:bonk:bonk

 

Some Husbands (not all) are like that at the early stage of marriage, but as years roll by they will come to terms and know us better. In my early marriage days when my hubby is annoyed with me he use to openly critizise me so that his parents can here and so they can also give their share of scoldings, stupid advise and sincere opinion as to how I should behave to please their DS.
But now I am happy he is changed for good, even if he is not happy with some thing he will tell me in privacy much to the displeasure of my MIL

 

Sweetie,
your MIL is really really vicious to suggest that your husband keep in touch with his ex girlfriend. She knows how to push your buttons. So for sometime try hard and be nice to your husband, once you guys form a strong bond, she will automatically back off.

Try to avoid any situation that might trigger a fight, so that your husband has nothing to report back to his mom. keep the house calm and quiet with no quarrels.

Good luck

 

hahaha the narada muni story was great!!!

gayatri11 , your MIL is really crossing the limits of decency by even talking openly about ur DH's ex gf....next time she does that just ask outright, if she was so good why didnt your son marry her?? (or did she dump your DH??) actually the more you suffer in silence w/o voicing your opinions, the more she will interfere and boss around. Even I had an MIL like that but I was very vocal about interference and all, and even though she sometimes acts like a 'victim'...I have the distance I need from in laws and all.

 

hey gayathri..... your DH is one of those mumma's boy who need to go to his mom for every small thing!!!! well i think he is yet to grow up and handle things on his own!!! ofcourse issues between spouse should be tackled between them without the need to run to elders.... this was what we used to do as kids....

and i think your MIL is also silly enough..... its just so ridiculous that she talks about your DH's ex and more so advising him to keep in touch.... is she out of her sense.... sorry to say that but thats how i feel....

i can understand how frustrating it is for someone to deal with a husband so immatured..... but i think all you can do is keep patience and ignore most of the time... but when get to corner you and scold you just do not let them.... just walk out and tell them you are not interested to listen..... but be polite..... tell them its just that you think differently and having different opinion need not be bad or wrong and you do not want to argue about it..... as others ahve said that gradually he shall start understanding.... sometimes man-boys need more time to get matured!!! but do not let them hurt your self respect!!!

 

:bonkold post -moderator pls remove my comments

 

Hi Gayatri

Sorry about your condition but dont worry, all your sorrows will end soon

Like all others have mentioned, men(most of them) have the habit of telling all their fights to their parents atleast to their mom...donno what pleasure or conclusion are they trying to find by tellling all those stories...what i feel is either they are trying to show their mother tat they are still the same old mumma's baby telling her everythin even after marriage or they are not able to handle the new relationship....many men try to come out of this storytelling sessions,few dont

U dont worry abt all these issues...remain calm...becoz,it is u who would require peace of mind to live...whatever they say,remain cool...in the meanwhile,stay nice to ur hubby and keep telling him either in an indirect or calm way without showing your anger what u like and dislike.....

give ur hubby some time becoz women adjust better and their maturity level is definetely more than men after marriage....they find it difficult to manage their relationship between parents and wife for some time...they will not know how to act right,might have a fear that their parents might say that their son has started nodding for whatever their DIL say...they often fail to balance their realtionship after marriage and require some time and this time depends on how the wife explains him and in what way...

Men are like that..women(no other go) other than to adjust for sometime and at the same time make their hubby understand their position in a nice and calm...

gayatri, plz dont feel as if u are falling at their feet...u are doin for ur life and definetely u ll see that ur hubby at some point of life will come and apologise to u for wat he had done...